Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
a slip
deliberate, unsure
step number hundred
and suddenly it's the floor
level and no ridges,
smooth like the kitchen floor
kissed by indiscernible blood,
a sight uncannily serene
where the body loses equilibrium.
One, two, three
guts spill like forbidden elixir
blood, blood, blood
eyes agape with frozen terror—
an exorbitant demise.
Four, five, six
colours spill everywhere,
red arterial blood
waiting to reunite with it's lover—
the violent red siren lights.
Cosmic purple splotches near the red
like an off-limits but stagnant river,
with peaceful bone-white
and the pallid yellow of exposed fat—
it's a monochromatic rainbow!
Seven, right, nine
go the limbs
somewhere there's the ribs
no longer a cage to the frail heart,
but tangled by the cords of arteries
while the detached hands stay aloof
to join a faltering prayer—
sorry,
sorry,
sorry.
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hello Silly Billy, this was indeed horror-- I loved it ofcourse. Then let's start the review shall we?
I'm sure you're talking bout strobe lights in the first line here. But after that, I think you're talking about the body right? Stagnant river, the stopped flow of blood, then peaceful bone white as for revealing bones and exposed fats for ofcourse-- exposed fats..... love the monochromatic rainbow lol"A slip" you say, at the start. Which are usually accidental, but it's done on purpose here- while the person is still unsure. Beautiful imagery definitely, you certainly know that too. I love how you can write two contradicting words together to capture the horror vibe.
I wonder if the narrator themself are the person in the poem, since the repentance oder "sorry" at last.
Overall, I loved it <3
PS: Everything you write is so depressing ahhhh :!
Hi!! You got the slip-on-purpose part spot on. The first line is about bruises, I have always thought they looked like the cosmos but honestly I like your interpretation more.
Who the subject might be in the poem is left for personal interpretation, as for me, it's simply detoxification. The repetition of the word sorry is tied back to the beginning of the poem in which they fall on purpose. The sorrys are their last thoughts before their demise, asking for forgiveness for what they did.
Thankyou for reviewing!!
Okay I just want to point out before I bring in my real review (Seven, right, nine) did you mean (Seven, *eight*, nine)
I read your poem, and wow the imagery is incredibly (what's the word vivid) vivid and the emotion behind it is strong and powerful. You have a way of writing that feels almost cinematic, like every line is a snapshot of something symbolic and unsettling in a purposeful way. Like you give me chills. But the good kind.
The way you used color, rhythm, and repetition made it feel like a descent into something emotional rather than literal.
It’s dark, but it’s crafted with intention, and I can tell you put a lot of thought into the language and structure.
Thank you for sharing it with me — you're writing definitely leaves an impact on lots of people.
Thankyou for reviewing:D
(Also yeah I only noticed the typo after I uploaded the poem and didn't know if there was an option to edit/delete (is there?)