Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
I'll love you till another Monday
Before I stand on the ledge of dread coiling in,
When I descend into a loathful wretch,
Surging and becoming sorrow's veil of smoke.
I'll love you, except when I can no longer endear myself.
You'll hold me dear until I snap our promise apart
Because late night dread was keeping me intrigued,
Where skin shredded into flesh and blood—
An evidence of poor decisions
While the spiraling branches carried on rising
And growing beyond themselves—
A timelapse of escalating ungratefulness,
Branching out and dissecting a transient, arcane sky,
Then this entirety will elucidate,
The veil will loosen up
To show the unearthed façade of buoyancy,
The branches will recoil
And I'll say sorry and I love you
Till another Monday creeps in.
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
hi. majuli here to review.
it feels like the poet have cycles they already recognize but cant stop returning to. i feel like that highlights emotional awareness, but the uselessness of it in the face of love. the “till another monday creeps in” line REALLY burns because it feels like this exhausting story on repeat. beautifully portrayed!!!
the imagery is genuinely beautiful too. “sorrows veil of smoke” and “growing beyond themselves” create this overgrown feeling that makes me think of decorative bushes that havent been trimmed.
if i could make one tweak, i would maybe say that the language sometimes gets complicated (transient, elucidate). maybe thats just me but i think simpler words could highlight the rawness of the poem.
thank you for sharing.
Thankyou for reviewing ^^
First off, I love that this was inspired by TV girl. Second of all this poem's short but realistic. I love that you've written about SH because honestly it needs to be de-stigmatized. You approached the topic in a way that feels true, not careful and wary. I especially love the lines:
"Because late night dread was keeping me intrigued,
Where skin shredded into flesh and blood—
An evidence of poor decisions"
As well as:
"The veil will loosen up
To show the unearthed façade of buoyancy,
The branches will recoil
And I'll say sorry and I love you
Till another Monday creeps in."
An underrated technique is the repetition you used of loving someone until another Monday as it highlights the struggle the main character is facing. Overall it's so nuanced and I love the poem for it. Also, WELCOME TO YWS! ❤️
Thankyou so much for reviewing my poem. Appreciate it!!
Of course!