Lover's Remorse

This is Kaos here for a review!

This is an interesting poem I have to say and I think it kind of captured me, but the main problem with it for me is that it was short and that makes it feel like a snapshot. If you use this to your advantage and let how short it is be a strength of the poem, then that's a good thing. Onto the actual poem, I didn't really find anything new here in terms of themes and it generally just felt like another poem that was romance based, but the images here are something that I wanted to jump into.

Use sensory details to make the scene more vivid and to immerse the reader in it. I get a kind of kissing-on-the-cracks-of-the-sidewalk, but I think it would be good to create more of an atmosphere around the speaker and to try and describe that. Describing the atmosphere is something that sets up the tone of the poem which is something that I think would be a strength of the poem.

Another thing that I wanted to touch on was word choice and line delivery. The word choice of the poem is something that I find to be a strength and I kind of want more of that because what words you choose help set the mood of the poem. The other thing is line delivery and I want you to kind of emphasis or kind of focus on that. Your wording is something that I want to see more of because how you word things is quite elegant. Pretty poem for what it was, I just wanted some more of it.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Hi. This is Kman134 here with a review.

This poem was short. However, it shows the need for love and the obsession for want.

The symbolism and imagery were simplistic, yet ominous.

It gives an apotheosis of a lover, putting her/him on a pedestal. you treat them like an idol, worshipping the ground they walk. The expression of mercy and forsakenness, which is common in relationships, are expressed well.

Anyway, it's pretty good. Hope you right more.

Hello there ongoeslife! The Silent Bagpipe here for a review of your work.
Before we go onto grammar and those details I will give you my own personal opinion of this poem. You did very good in trying to make the poem majestic and sadly beautiful. It was a short and cute poem that caught my attention.
Okay so on to the technicalities...
The first word of the poem should be capitalized ("downcast"). Now this is a personal opinion that you can take if you want or ignore. I am not a professional at writing poems but I have seen/written my fair share of poems and lyrics. One thing that many people in this day and age seem to forget about poems is how to make them flow. Although short cute poems are sometimes okay, a lot of people forget the beauty of the meaning of poems. Have you ever looked at olden day poems where everything just flowed? One thing that helps them is when the words have some sort of rhyming in them. Poems don't HAVE to rhyme but it helps to catch that flow that makes a poem interesting. To many statements that just say what they want to say instead of making it some sort of "mystery", make people loose interest pretty fast.
Just a couple tips to narrow it down into making a flowing poem:
1 - Look for words that can either rhyme or that have different meanings to them.
2- Make the poem portray what you want it to portray but try to make the poem come across differently to people in different situations (double meanings ect.)
3- Remember to use good grammar because you would be surprised at how many people are interested more when the capitalization is where it needs to be.

That's all I have for you at the moment. I hope this review wasn't too harsh, I did not mean for it to be harsh but only helpful! I look forward to reviewing more of your work! You are a great writer

The Silent Bagpipe

While the religious undertones here are quite nice with a relationship motif, their incorporation gives off a heavily one-sided and almost abusive/demanding demeanor of the narrator. What I read from this is that the narrator has a sort of savior complex and has the other person believing in this vehemently, which is disconcerting.

However, it does make for a strong character. I mean you've given us six lines, and you've told a tale of an abusive relationship. It's akin to a six-word story. So on those lines, bravo. But if this was not your intent, know that this is one of the ways it may be interpreted.

There are also irregularities with capitalization. If this had made a proper message, that would be one thing but the words together make "Your Purged," so no, and the sentences together make

"Your penitent lips sought mine, Purged with a holy kiss."

which, okay. I can dig that. Still abusive, though. Even in the religious context I can't buy into the narrator having a Jesus complex. Your flow is mediocre--line two can benefit from being cut differently.

Other than that, I think you're alright.

Read, write, share, edit.
Ty

Hi there! Rose here for a short lil review

Just wanna say before critiquing, this was a really good poem to me. It is short, simple, but cute and says many feelings and emotions in such a short poem.
I think you did an amazing job with the imagery and emotions you displayed through the narrator! There isn't much to critique, because you did a nicely done job.

A couple things though!

1. perhaps put a comment after the fifth line? grammar isn't needed but it sometimes is to help the poem have a nice flow and consistent in its format.

2. un-capitalize "purged" in the last line, since it is unneeded because it is not the beginning of a sentence.

so here it how the poem would look better as:

downcast eyes, sighs of sorrow;

a huddled frame caught in

the safety of an embrace.

Your penitent lips sought mine,

seeking forgiveness for wrongs,

purged with a holy kiss.