Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Health

E - Everyone

I Looked in His Eyes

by ongoeslife

Burdened with guilt and failure,
I hung my head with shame.
He stood before me,
the judge of all my crimes.

I knew I was at fault;
there was no hope for me.
I cringed, expecting the just words
of condemnation.

He touched His hand
to my cheek and
lifted my chin so
I could gaze at Him.

I looked in His eyes,
and my shame and fear
melted away, lost in the depths
of the eyes of Love Himself.

His smile lit up the room
and my heart as well.
He gathered me in His arms,
and whispered these words to me,

"Well done, my faithful one.
Fear nothing, my daughter."
I knew all was well
when I looked in His eyes.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 749
Reviews: 25

Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:05 am
WritingforHim99 says...

So beautiful! I love this! :D

ongoeslife says...

Thank you!

Random avatar

Points: 265
Reviews: 7

Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:11 am
lol wrote a review...

Hello im Justin from India and I got to admit that this poem here was simple yet impactfull ! There is literally soo much to think about from the first two stanzas, how open minded you were as it started and how dim you portrayed hope to be. I love the way you commenced with a tortured tone and went on further elucidating how goodness and forgiveness shines much brighter than the damnation you claim to be in. I have noticed a perfect amount of Transcendentalism and realism in the poem and I love the way you mingled them into a beacon of hope.This poem has a universal appeal I feel as many find themselves in the same situation as the protagonist, like I do now :) To me its an eyeopener and I hope this poem reaches many people because of its powerful ability to set minds into contemplation and convince them of a lighter crimson than the usual darkness that they face.
As a student of Literature I would encourage you to give a brief look up on the different rhyme schemes and meters under which a poem has to be standardized. But on the whole it was great and I hope you continue writing poems like this, p.s. you almost sound like R.Tagore piecing his spirituality, and I wish you luck.! :)

ongoeslife says...

Hi, Justin! Thanks for the review. However, I think you may have misunderstood the poem; that's what I get for being vague. ;-) I'm a Christian, and this was written from the viewpoint that God is our ultimate judge. Because we're humans and screw up, we don't deserve to be with God forever, so the opposite of that is to be condemned to life without Him-- which is hell. Humans can't fix themselves so that they can deserve to be with God, so only by His mercy are we able to. He offers it to all through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, but individuals must accept it in order to obtain it.

The protagonist in this poem had accepted Jesus's sacrifice in her life, and now that she has died, she is facing judgment from God; He will say whether she can live with Him or not. She knows that she doesn't deserve it, because she knows all the bad she's done. But because she has accepted Jesus, she is pardoned.

Did that make sense? If not, or if you would like to discuss more, send me a PM!

Random avatar
lol says...

Hahaa im a devout catholic myself ! I did understand the whole concept of forgiveness through the christian point of view you portrayed, didn't I mention how I liked the way you blended 'Transcendentalism and realism' the word transcendentalism means speaking about God indirectly or directly. I did understand. Good job miss, dude, whoever :P :)

ongoeslife says...

Ah, okay. I had to look it up, and my understanding of transcendentalism from what I found was different.

"Among the transcendentalists' core beliefs was the inherent goodness of both people and nature. Transcendentalists believe that society and its institutions%u2014particularly organized religion and political parties%u2014ultimately corrupt the purity of the individual. They have faith that people are at their best when truly "self-reliant" and independent. It is only from such real individuals that true community could be formed." (From Wikipedia)

^I don't agree with that, and I wouldn't have worked that into my poem. But from your definition, yes. :P Sorry!!

User avatar
557 Reviews

Points: 2394
Reviews: 557

Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:50 am
erilea wrote a review...

Hello, ongoeslife! My name is wisegirl22, and I am here to get your poem out of the Green Room!

There's really nothing to comment on. The stanzas were beautiful, your choice of words amazing, the free verse fitting well with the subject. I think this is a perfect piece. Feel all the glory of me saying that; this is the first poem I have ever said that to. You are the most talented writer on Young Writers Society. I cannot doubt it. Keep writing your amazing/terrific/fantastic/brilliant/thoughtful/beautiful works!


ongoeslife says...

Thanks so much for the review! Judging by the amount of stars you have, I'd say you've probably reviewed much; I'm honored. ;-) However, I can most certainly doubt that I am the best writer here! :P

Thanks again,

P.s. Maybe if you read some of my other stuffs, your inflated view of me would become more accurate. :P (I'm just glad you can't see what I posted when I was nine!!)

User avatar
87 Reviews

Points: 4317
Reviews: 87

Mon Oct 27, 2014 5:38 am
anonymousx wrote a review...

Hey, OnGoesLife. I'm Nonny and I'll be reviewing your piece tonight. I'm going to comment on each verse separately so it's easier to review the piece as a whole. I'll start, however, by stating that I am not a religious person so I'm probably not going to comment on the entire plot of the poem, but rather the word flow and other minor issues if I find any.

1st verse: I can't find anything grammatically or punctuation-ally wrong with this first verse. I will say that I would have enjoyed seeing more of the feeling of being so burdened with guilt and failure. I think that is a heavy line and adding that heavier feeling would have worked well.

2nd verse: In the line, "I cringed, expecting the just words of condemnation" are you cringing because he spoke or are you cringing because the thought of him condemning you to hell made you worried? I also think that the line would be more impact if you mentioned being condemned into hell instead of just straight condemnation. It's obviously implied but stating it will have more impact.

3rd verse: Nothing here.

4th verse: I don't think that love should be capitalized.

5th verse: The line, "His smile lit up the room and my heart as well". I'm not sure why this first line doesn't sound right but I think that it is one of the sentences with the least impact on the poem.

6th verse: I think you did well with the ending of this poem. You hit the point that God is generally understanding and will take time to forgive as long as you have been faithful to him.

Overall: I think you did a good job. The minor issues that I pointed out don't take away from the entire poem. Keep writing!

ongoeslife says...

Hey, thank you so much for the review! *gives cookies*

I'll consider what you said about the 2nd and 5th verses. As far as your comment about the 4th verse goes, the Bible says that God is love; here I am using it as a name/title, so it is capitalized. Does that make sense?

Again, thank you so much for commenting!

“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables