Young Writers Society

A good effort.

I have a two significant complaints about this piece: The lack of rhythm and its overdone topic.

Now, don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean you're a bad writer. But please, consider writing in prose. Poetry is the new cool thing among younger writers, and in all honesty, it's just so hard to get right. Poetry simply must have rhythm, or it's just prose in lines.

Look, prose can be used to express feelings as well, and it doesn't even have to be a story. I see it as I read your poem, it would just fare much better as a piece written in prose. It's worth a thought, if nothing more.

Then the overdone topic... Whether you write to vent or not doesn't matter. It's just that every other poem here is about a breakup, or love, or grief from love, or the lack of love. You can write about a breakup, but you need to do it in a more interesting way if you want to capture anyone's attention.

This was a brutally honest review, as all my reviews are. So don't feel bad. I'm no better than you are.

Good luck! And try prose! That, and brainstorm. I find that the best ideas come in the shower.

HEELLO musicandme,
A poem about how much a break-up hurts. I love the comparison you made with the x-boyfriend as a gardner and you and his new girlfriend as flowers. I especially love this line "While you were trying to grow me, you tended to her".
Very nice vocabulary as well. The descriptive words really do move the poem along.
Message to Kaos: Poems are never the same unless they are plagiarized. Every break-up has its own twist to it. No poem is "standard". You mustn't look for the faults in literature, but the works of art instead.

Poetry is unique,

Night Kaizer

This is Kaos here for a review!

My main problem with this is that it doesn't do anything new. It doesn't even really try to do anything new. It's the standard break-up poem and that is the biggest problem with it. I'm not saying that the idea of writing poems about a break-up is a bad thing, it's more the execution and what came out of it. The lines are mostly just rewashed things that other people have said before about their own break-ups. It's just nothing new. And with that, I want to continue on instead of tripping over myself and repeating what I say.

One of the other first things that I wanted to mention was the lack of imagery and the lack of showing us what's going on. It ties together. You do a lot of telling and no showing in this poem, and the rule, "Show don't tell" applies here. Show us through metaphors and similes. Show us from your personal experiences. Telling makes it hard to add personal details to your poetry, which are an important thing, especially when it comes to romance poetry because it helps make your poem more distinct.

Give yourself more of a voice, because if you don't have something to distinguish yourself with, the poem will feel anonymous, which is the tone I get from it now. It could have been written by anyone and doesn't have any style to make it your own. Imagery is something else that I wanted to touch on here because that's something important as well. It gives descriptions and builds the atmosphere of the poem as well as giving the reader a way to connect to the poem. Describe the atmosphere with sensory details and describe your emotions through those metaphors and similes. Define them. Define your emotions.

I hope I helped and have a great day!