Young Writers Society

Hello,
I really like this poem because everyone can relate to it and I think thats really important when writing. People need to relate to what you're saying in order for them to really enjoy it. My opinion anyway. So, let's start with what I liked. I really liked how the poem flowed and how everything connected together. Being ignored is definitely not fun. "Why do people ignore us?" is what everyone asks and I understand that question because in the real world, I'm ignored a lot. And I don't even know why! but enough of my babbling, ha. Okay, so onto the things that could be changed to improve your already masterpiece poem. So, the "I've" at the beginning of the poem, I think it shouldn't be shortened as a contraction. Go ahead and change it to "I have" I think that would be better. And the "thee", the poem is pretty modern to start with so "thee" doesn't really make sense in here, I think "you" would be more appropriate.

I certainly hope you keep writing because I would love to see more
stay awesome!
Valerie

This is a great poem that many can connect to, especially because of how in depth it seems to go.
You have a interesting structure and great wording which makes the overall feel of your work quite awesome. The only thing that I found to nit pick was that every so often the flow of the poem gets a bit choppy. There are a few bits and pieces that don't work nearly as well as others even though they themselves are good.
Good job, keep up the good work and stay awesome (since I pretty sure you already are )

-Carmenbluestar

This is pretty hard to argue with. This concept is ( as everyone says ) something we have all been through. When someone who used to be our life now refuses to give us the time of day. It's an awful experience, but you can get some pretty good poetry out of it. Here's something I noticed; you have a rhyme scheme, but it's very flexible. It never stays the same. In the first few lines, some of the word rhyme with themselves. If you could, I would change that. It feels a bit clunky and I think it interferes with what the poem is really getting at. Anyway, that's nit-picky of me, it isn't too important. The body of the poem moves past it. The irregular rhyme scheme starts to sink in and I'm not as surprised by it. It provides a good feeling of vitality to the verse. My main suggestion is to just get rid of the rhyme altogether. Although you obviously know how to use it, my favorite parts of the poem are the ones that don't worry about the rhyme and so are much more open ( 'They hunt for forgiveness,/they crave for your love.....' is MAGICAL ) . I feel like with the rhyme your just trapping yourself in a frame when really this poem wants to break free. And it should, I think. Also, the mantra of "You wouldn't know, You're too busy ignoring." is pretty potent, too. The placement of that mantra could be used to separate the different parts of the ignoring process, like the chorus in a song. You could talk about how the ignoring starts, then how the ignoring feels for the person being ignored, then the person doing the ignoring, then the aftermath, the building emotions, and then end with the fantastic ending you have here. Another thing to watch out for here is tense and person. We get a lot of 'they' and 'you' and im not sure who these are referring too. Which is okay, I don't have to know exactly who it is, obviously, but I think the poem needs to know, and I think that the identities don't need to change. When you say 'You' always talk about the same 'You' and so on. This piece resonates with a lot of people. Keep it up!

This is great. <3

Very easy to relate to. We've all been there at some point in our lives.
Also very well written.
Proper good job mate.

Hi,
The poem's content and direction seem really good and relatable and so my only qip about it is the structure and syllabic flow. The more a poem flows together, seamlessly, the more the reader can (as cheesy as it sounds) become one with what they're reading. Mentally processing and spiritually comprehending simultaneously. However when a poem is choppy, awkward and sounds imbalanced the reader has to focus on correct this lack of fluidity, by reading it like words as opposed to the art it is.

Lines like "Would they be fine or would they even try?"
Are just awkward to read/see.

And surrounded by a lot of shortish lines, this line"
"But they wouldn't know, you're too busy ignoring."

Really just comes out of nowhere.
Again it's good and has promise, but just read the entire thing out to yourself and try to mend the awkward-ness of it. Even get a friend or family member to sit beside you, and then have THEM read it out.. maybe someone else's voice can help narrow the scope down on the fluidity of it.

keep it up!

So true. Well written and relatable.

wow. this is amazing. is there some place on this site to nominate poems for "mass recognition"? because, if there is, i need to show them this. i enjoyed reading this because it was relate-able, so i could understand what you were getting at. if this was based on a personal experience, i sincerely hope you feel better. (note: i am new to all this reviewing stuff, so i don't know just how to respond) thank you

I love the meaning behind this piece.I like how you portrayed the act of ignoring as a deadly drug.It has a true meaning.Ignoring someone only hurts yourself.It was very easy to follow and was very understandable.I like the rhythm of it.It is a very nice piece.Good luck!!

Very interesting. I love the content of the poem. It seems that it's trying to tell the reader that it's a waste of time to ignore people, or maybe even our problems, out of spite. It's always much better to face them. Then we aren't all 'sitting around crying'.

It was a good poem!