Dear Bella...

I really loved the last line of this poem! Everything led up to the ending so perfectly. The words connected together really well and it was easy to connect to. I also really like the length of the lines. I think poems flow better when the lines are short, especially when it is a poem longing for someone/something.

I could not find anything wrong with what you have written and you have obviously taken a lot of time in pulling this together.

Nicely Done! I really enjoyed it.
-Jessa

Wow, I love this poem...I am not kidding, your voice just jumped out of my laptop screen and brushed against my heart. I do have a few ideas for you, so here I go

murtuza wrote:On that cracked old bench
we sat down our thoughts. How about saying "Where we sat our thoughts down"
My ears to your voice,
and my eyes on you locked.

Oh dear Bella, my senses
you had so filled;
your memory leaks out,
and on my heart is spilled. "And on my heart it spilled" I think that flows a bit better. Also, this is my favorite stanza!!

To realize it had been
on you all this time,
This secret I shall keep
with my own lovesick mind. I love love love these last two lines!

But I know that I’m too late
and that another has won Period
this race I’ve so lost. This so called race has made me see,
I have been well outdone. Just a thought

This face, all ragged
and pimple-stricken;
undeserving of
such fine a woman. I think these four lines are the ones that made me stop and re-read your poem about ten more times

So fret not dear Bella,
for my heart will survive
However small,
it’s pieces I will find. Everyone can relate to this feeling/search which makes it so great

And mend it back
to what it was before; period
to before I fell victim, Prior to me becoming yuor victim,
to your magical lure. I think the word lure here just makes it sound like you are trying to hard to rhyme...

So goodbye dear Bella,
I’ll leave you this letter
to the place where it began
where no more it does matter.

A weight was hanged upon my heart;
pushing, forcing down its thrust
waiting to snap, to break it apart

I guess that’s why it’s called a crush.

Really good. I liked it a lot.

Hello,

First Impression:
My first impression was that the layout was nice and clear and that you used powerful words when describing emotions.

Good Things:
- The clear layout
- Powerful words
- Plenty of emotions
- The ending : I believe that the ending is a little bit of a twist ... as it is ... I really don't know how to describe it ... its different from the rest of the poem.... so it make the ending more abrupt (in a good way).

Bad Things :
To be honest I couldn't find any!!

Like or dislike :
I Love this poem!! Its deep and powerful...

Overall:
10/10

Thank You
Lorna
Xxx

Hi there,
I would say that you have a very solid poem going here. I read it over several times, trying to find something to suggest to you to make it better, but I have drawn a blank -_-
The overall flow is amazing and it has this certain feel to it. Its not quite raw, but its not overdone or flourished. It has a nice balance of descriptions and details.
I don't really want to contradict what the previous reviewer said, because I know it can be confusing, but I thought the ending was fitting for this poem- that's just my opinion though. Perhaps there is a more suitable ending- something a little softer?- but I personally didn't feel as though there was a need for a change.
Thanks for the read, it was very enjoyable!
Happy writing
-Briggsy

This poem makes me think of the Twilight series and how much I hate it. This poem was good, but I could not get the images of all the horrible scenes from the Twilight books, and movies. There is just one thing that seems off to me. The last line:

I guess that’s why it’s called a crush.