I was pondering along
The ever-open road,
Singing a cheery song
I didn’t want to be bored.
I had my lucky coin,
I plucked my four-leaf clover
I sipped a bottle of wine,
And started singing all over.
I thought I had lived,
I thought life was great
For all the things I did,
I thought I knew my fate
But only I will know,
That the truth wasn’t so
For, every battle
And every cause,
I had to tackle
All of the laws
I started to wonder
And I started to fear;
Of what would come later
And if I’ll even be here.
My heart-felt heavy
And my feet were cold;
The atmosphere eerie,
With my tears being poured.
I saw the horizon
Slowly fading away
Light was all gone
And over, was the day.
Blind, I had become
I was unable to see,
My eyes grew numb
Along with my dignity.
Drenched in my agony
And hurting so painfully,
I looked to the sky,
To ask the lords, “Why?”
But just at that moment,
When I looked above,
I forgot about my torment
And regained my verve.
For only the stars dare,
To shine in the dark
And without a care,
They make their mark.
“Believe”, they said
To me, as I fled
From this pale life
To continue my strife
“Believe, in your own way
Forget about sorrow
Believe, after today,
Will come a tomorrow”
I nodded in agreement
The stars were right
I need not lament,
To make my future bright.
Just as my blues went
And my fears had gone,
Away, the darkness was sent
As dusk was greeted by dawn.
I bathed in that wondrous light
That had once forsaken me
From the trials of the dreary night,
It freed me, from that anomaly.
I knew that there was more to come
But no more tears will I have to dry
For happy days need not be seldom
I just have to keep my head held high
And with my sight set
Towards my future
I took a deep breath,
And began to feel better.
So I wiped my lucky coin,
And dusted my four-leaf clover
I sipped a bottle of wine,
And started singing all over.
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140,664 Literary Works • 673,584 Reviews
Wow....
That is one powerful piece!! I really liked it!
Reading this made me smile
"For only the stars dare,
To shine in the dark"
I thought those two lines were stunning.
I disagreed with the above comment because I think a lot of the time we forget the bigger picture and then the smallest thing can make our mood flip, but then you might look up at the stars and it will remind you that the future is full of hope. Thats what I thought anyway!
The only small thing was that I agreed certain parts would not be missed if taken out.
I agree with the above review, even though I too already reviewed this, but to me it seemed a bit abrupt. If it is what is meant to be the character, then I understand, but moods do not just change like that for most people. If it something that is a lasting, or prolonged sadness, not just one simple event plummets someone into that dark abyss, but a series of events. To me, the journey from darkness, to light, is not one that is taken with a single step, but a series of steps.
I agree with Dante in parts. I think that some parts of the poem were abit confusing and need a little clarity. Though I don't think that they were too adrupt. Lots of my thoughts tend to adruptly change from happy to sad and back and that is natural for everyone. I think that the concept of the poem was beautiful and great in every way, it was very hopeful and I enjoyed reading it. I think in certain parts clearity would take away from the poem, so if you do decide to rewrite or edit keep in mind your meaning and don't take away from it by clearing up certain points. Over all I enjoyed it and thought it was well written. Five owls out of five.
I agree with the above reviewer, those two lines were a bit confusing, well confusing to most. I understand that the weather around the person in this poem reflects his uncertainty, but they do not flow very well in the poem, a bit cryptic and weird. Also I thought the changes from happy, to sad, back to happy were a bit abrupt. The poem's meaning is clear, but there are also some points that are a bit cryptic.
That part right there is the most cryptic to me, because there is no further explanation. What laws? From where? Why are they significant? That is what floors me.
Overall this poem was good. I liked it, but a bit more clarity, and some revision might be necessary.
Hope I Helped,
dante93
Outstanding poem! It was so good; I absolutely loved it. It rhymes, explains, and writes itself out. However I do think you could of left some sentences out like:
"The atmosphere eerie,
With my tears being poured."
Those sentences are confusing, and if you didn't have this in the poem, it would not be missed.