I sit in this old empty room
all quiet and still,
it's like I'm on the moon.
The only company I'll entertain
are shadows and furniture
and my lonesome brain.
This restless body, needs not a bed
to rest its wavering soul.
It yearns to dream, to forfeit its dread
whilst awake in reality's dome.
This raging, beating, fiery heart
dormant in a shell; unable to start,
needs an ignition to entice the flames
of passion and flair into my veins.
So where can I find
this potential spark,
to bring my mind
out from the dark?
To search the depths,
to scour the heights?
A route so bereft,
no trail to abide.
The answer, uncertain.
Its quest, unforgotten.
Maybe it is nearer
than what I had imagined.
I can feel it building closer;
it's not from another planet.
So I look deep within me
and find the same heart
Which once failed its glory
has now renewed its spark.
"The closer you get to something
the tougher it is to see it"
-That is the old witty saying
and to this poem, gives merit.
Sometimes, we must delve
into the darkness of ourselves
and find that inspiration,
that reason for our continuation.
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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Okay so I'm going to get this out of the way so I can write something helpful
I HATE RHYMING
No, I actually really like it. I love the sentiment of the last stanza
This is so beautiful. Although it sounds a little bit like rap. But seriously, thank you for this. You've kind of written exactly what I needed to hear.
I'm not sure this fits, and it gave me some misgivings about the rest of the poem. I think it may be the use of 'ol'. Too Bob Dylan. I know you used Moon to rhyme with Room, but maybe you could consider rewording this? The rhythm doesn't quite work, and using moon makes it sound like a children's poem. Which it really isn't, because it's wonderful.
I absolutely adore it,
Nicely done.
I have no improvements to be made to it- at all!
I'm sure there are some,
but none that I could find.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3
Hello, fantastic job here.
I thought since you wrote such a great review on my piece I should return the favor. Overall I really enjoyed your poem. At first, I didn't really know where it was going, but I really like where you took it.
"This raging, beating, fiery heartdormant in a shell; unable to start,needs an ignition to entice the flamesof passion and flair into my veins."---I really like this. Very fabulous description. Every time I read a poem I try to find a line that speaks to me the most. This is it right here for me. Bravo.
Thank you for putting this up so that others may enjoy it just as much as me. Keep on writing.
--Maya