A winding road
with potholes and chips,
the yellow-black snake
drumming swiftly through trees,
ratta snap hiss
ratta snap hiss.
Unsteady beats
hurl us into the ditch,
face to the ground
spitting blood from our mouths, but
always we stand
always we stand.
Today this road
brings us to places new,
First loves, old fractures
And oasis's few, but
where does it
end
where does it end?
And who do we go from here?
©MK
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hi mavisknightly! Mage here to review your work! So let's get to it, shall we?
First things first: you're a great poet. I love the repetition you used in the lines with italics, and love the imagery you created over the course of the poem. The entire piece flows nicely. Plus, I can't find any spelling or grammatical errors!
This is my favorite part of the poem. It does a great job of tying the poem up.
I love the message I got from this poem; no matter whaat you go through, you'll survive it. Despite the discernities you have, you'll still make it through whatever you're facing.
Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night!
Hello Mage,
Thank you for your kind review of my poem! You understood this work entirely, and appreciate your observations.
If I can review a piece for you, please let me know!
Thanks again!
Have a great day.
-mav
Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com
You're welcome!
I'm sorry I wasn't able to give you any helpful advice, but I'm glad that I understood it!
Do you want to review the first chapter of my fantasy book The Automaton's Heart? If you want to, I advise reading the glossary first. It's helped other people understand it better.
I'd be happy to read your selection! I'll post a comment as soon as I've finished.
-mav
Alright! Thank you in advance!
Hi mavisknightley,
I loved these lines
"Today this road
brings us to places new,
First loves, old fractures
And oasis's few, but"
I liked the poem a lot too. It had a nice bouncy ring to it. I couldn't place my finger on what it was about though. But I guess that's the point about metaphorical poetry, it can be about anything. Nice work! This line was super mysterious though. haha "And who do we go from here?"
Hello inspirus,
Thank you for your kind review. I'm glad you liked my poem!
As to what it was about: I wrote this some time ago, while on the transitory 'road' leading from a sheltered childhood to rocky adulthood. My view was that of a scared kid determined to be a strong grown up, haha.
Hope that clears up your wonderings!
Have a great day.
-mav
Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com
Hi there,
It's Diap.First thing I have to say You’ve chosen a nice subject.It's very admirable. I like the way you've use the metaphor. As far as I can realize it’s a metaphor poem. And you've use your imagination nicely. Your description was vary definite.you know what rhythm of this poem was very interesting.
Over all it was a great work .Keep writing mate. Never stop and go forward.Best wishes for you.
Hello Diap,
Thank you for your sweet and encouraging review! Glad you enjoyed my poem.
It was a metaphor poem, I suppose. I didn't even think about it until you mentioned it!
Thanks again, and have a great day!
-mav
Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com