Well...I liked it. Thought it was okay. Reminded me of a song from the 90ties, Better Than Me. It had a similar story. Thought it was weird that the poem had no rhyming, but it could also be attributed to stylistic purposes. It was very heartfelt, realistic and had quite a personal touch to it. The thing I didn't like (although it might be just me and another person might think differently) is the fact that it was too...direct ? It could have been better if the poem used more metaphors and less direct language, y'know ? Don't be too on the nose, let the reader think about the message. That could help.
The imagery was very strong, but maybe some more adjectives would make for a more gripping read. Thought that the fact that the guy was an addict was (a bit) banal and overused, but again - personal opinion. The thing you could also benefit from is placing yourself in the skin of a mother who has gone through this situation and really think what she thinks, feel what she feels. Really get under her skin. More flashbacks and direct memories could help too. Something from the better days, before he became an addict ?
Points: 2085
Reviews: 48
Donate