glass

I love the reveal at the end, with the "all i did was stab her son" - it seemed almost like something Edgar Allan Poe might do. I also like the ambiguity of the piece - that this poem could be about a child stabbing himself, or even about a brother stabbing his brother depending on which way you read the last line. The terror is just so subtle and well done. I think it was a good choice to not lean too heavily into the gore side of this, because that can be really off-putting to a poem and honestly makes the poem more about the physical manifestation of disaster than the emotional side - which I think poetry is better at exploring.

That being said, I think you should rate this piece higher (maybe "v" for violence, and 16+ for the bloody imagery), just to avoid people getting triggered by the implied suicidal or self-harm actions of the narrator.

A few things you could expand on - the bit of imagery with the stars was really catching because it's contrast with the beauty and horror was really dissonant - I would love if you could re-visit that stary sky imagery at the end too, because it's really interesting.

Your line breaks, punctuation, and all that are just perfect because they all force the reader to read slowly and capitalize on the drama, you suggest sources of the conflict "mom's at it again" without spelling it out. The one thing punctuation-wise that I didn't like, is that the tilde/curly lines between stanza breaks is too casual for this poem, almost comical - I'd do the dashes (---) rather than the curved lines (~~~) for a piece with this emotional tone.

I think this would also be a really interesting poem to do a contrasting point of view from the mother too! But that's just an idea I had after reading, is it seems like there's so much left unsaid.

Another successful poem! You're a good writer!

~alliyah

Hi lukekazey!

I just have one pointer:
The beginning of sentences need to be capitalized and so do the all the I's.

The last sentence: "all i did was stab her son." Really made me go back and read the entire poem all over again. And again. And again. Until I stopped myself.

Three more sentences.

Very Dramatic. Love it. Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

Wow I i am so speechless this is amazing!!!
Please keep writing
I'll try to be the first to review them
This poem is obviously gonna be my fave
I've feel like this for a very long time

If you need anything im here but all in all keep
on writing!!!

The ending was a great twist. Made me think at first that it was some sort of suicidal story but the ending made me have to read the whole story again. Great work.

The ending made me read it again. It surprised me, to say the least! Though, I didn't see much rhyming? Maybe it's just me, but it's super satisfying when a poem rhymes. But the description was amazing. I could vividly see everything happening before my eyes! Back to the ending, it made me wonder why she would do something like that and show so little remorse. But it's poetry, and that mystery makes it better! The last thing is, I was a little confused when the glass broke, and the mom being at it again. I was slightly lost. However, this was great!

That twist though. So I love the imagey, and the consistency shown within this poem. The poem had me hooked right from the beginning, and the ending is excellent. Dark but wonderful. A terrific job, and I hope to read more from you.