i want to hold your hand,
reach across
the prairies between us
and entwine my fingers
with yours,
tracing psychedelia
across metacarpal plains.
~
come place your thumbs
in the dimples of my back.
~
press your lips above
my clavicle and
kiss me tenderly.
~
release buttons from
fabric imprisonment
and caress each inch
of exposed flesh.
~
wrap your arms
around me as
we lay unveiled
on a mattress of
intimacy.
~
let me fall asleep
in those arms,
waking up with
tender muscles and
a tender heart
and bruises placed
with tenderness
across my torso.
~
is tú mo ghrá.
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139,688 Literary Works • 672,649 Reviews
Hi there!
I loved this, it is impressive how you can actually visualise every word. And it is so sweet and I JUST LOVE IT okey? You're putting into words every little daydream someone has and this is fabulous even more when your love language is touch. It feels personal and so intimate its just wonderful the image you were able to create. I really think this is fabulous, keep writing!
hi there heres a quick review
First this was impressive poem and also i would want to know this touch poem was so Excellent
i barely can't stop reading a poem like this cause it was all the work we needed right here to know that we needed to read and this was such a lovely poem i ever read and yes i im not good at poetry like that so i still know what poetry is about through
My Compliment is so what you do with poems like these anyway like so many poetry people on this site and i wanna know like what yall do with all poetry stuff i im just asking cause i know some of all write them poems
How you can improve is when is some new work from you cause i i wanna know whats going to be in your next poem cause some people they will tell someone but i wanna know whats going to be on your next work poem
Keep Writing!!
-jay
Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!
I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!
Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions
This is so descriptive! I love that o much. it tells a tory just through sharing details. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!
I also enjoy how we feel like we know everything that is going one.
Ellie-Mae
Hey there, Rubes with a shortish review here! I usually divide my reviews into four sections: first impressions, what went well (www), improvement ideas (ebi) and conclusion summing up all the ideas and things I have said at the end.
First impressions: The poem is good, I like the idea of craving affection from who you say as "them". I feel it makes it good because the readers think of someone personal to them, which adds a layer of privacy for each different read people have.
WWW:
This is so cute. The support you can get from their hands is just so calming, so I can understand why you chose this idea. It's a bit basic and unoriginal though, don't get me wrong it works, but I reckon an extended metaphor would really enhance the idea here.
Oh...I see what you're saying here. You're wanting more 'physical' stuff I see. Again a symbol of long lasting love and bonds.
Again...Very "sus". But it sounds good and the flow is excellent.
I like this...a lot. It's a nice way to show the want of stability and comfort with someone, especially a lover.
EBI:
I think it sounds good, but it isn't 'out there' enough for me. I think we need more figurative language, similes and definitely an extended metaphor. Personification if there was a clear way to add it.
Conclusion:
I did really enjoy it, it's personal to each reader and has a lovely flow about it, it sounds good together and never goes outside the length that fits the text well. I would give this an 7.5/10 just because of some available improvements but apart from that, well done!
Have a good week,
Rubes x
Thank you. I hear all your suggestions, but for me the more imagery-filled route wasnt where i wanted to take this poem. I wanted to display the beautiful simplicity of intimacy with a lover, hence the simpler route.
Hey there, and happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!
I really loved this sweet poem. I think each line really added to that building sense of physical intimacy. I feel that a lot of the time, people tend to forget the feeling of love behind physical intimacy, reducing it down to something more shallow or surface level to either shock or please audiences, but I feel like this poem really encapsulated that feeling of love that goes along with craving intimacy with a person who you love a lot. It was really quite eloquent and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
One thing I loved about it was just how well it flowed. I swear, it was like it was metaphorical water over rocks. I think your use of poetic devices and rephrasing ordinary things really helped build that light and comfortable environment in your poem. The line about reaching across "prairies between us" really stood out; I think it was really beautiful. The imagery that came along with it was just gorgeous. Your repetition of tender/tenderness in the next to last stanza was also really lovely, and only served to emphasize all the loveliness you had going on. Nice work!
That last line was also really great; I'm a sucker for things in foreign languages. According to Google Translate (which isn't always the most reliable, I know) it's Irish? Anyways. I think it added just the right amount of spice to the end of the poem, and once you know the meaning, it makes the poem all the more sweeter.
One thing I did wonder about was the second and third stanzas. To me, they felt a little short and out of place. In all these other stanzas, you've got a lot of flowing imagery and abstract phrasings, whereas these two were more cut and dried and just... stated things, rather than finding flowery, roundabout ways to convey them. I feel like maybe adding in a few metaphors/some more imagery into those stanzas could help beef them up a bit more. Also, it's not that it's bad as is; I think it totally works right now. I just think that they just seem a bit less cohesive with the rest of your poem.
Overall: nice work! I thought you captured the sweetness of love and intimacy really nicely in this eloquent and flowy poem. I hope to read more of your work soon; but for now, until next time!!
To have and Hold.
This Poem is clearly about feelings of intimacy (or at least feelings of desiring intimacy).
Overall I think you did a nice job capturing this emotion. I really love the poetic descriptions.
"i want to hold your hand,
reach across
the prairies between us
and entwine my fingers
with yours,
tracing psychedelia
across metacarpal plains."
this seems to likens the human form to a pastoral landscape. However Metacarpal is a bit of an uncommon word so people could get confused.
However words need not always be familiar to general audiences. "is tú mo ghrá." I put this through a translator and got this "You are my love." Translated from Irish.
Overall this is an incredible poem I hope you keep up the good work.