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touch

by lukekazey


i want to hold your hand,

reach across

the prairies between us

and entwine my fingers

with yours,

tracing psychedelia

across metacarpal plains.

~

come place your thumbs

in the dimples of my back.

~

press your lips above

my clavicle and

kiss me tenderly.

~

release buttons from

fabric imprisonment

and caress each inch 

of exposed flesh.

~

wrap your arms

around me as 

we lay unveiled

on a mattress of 

intimacy.

~

let me fall asleep

in those arms,

waking up with

tender muscles and

a tender heart

and bruises placed

with tenderness

across my torso.

~

is tú mo ghrá.


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76 Reviews


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Reviews: 76

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Wed Oct 06, 2021 3:39 pm
SadboyJay wrote a review...



hi there heres a quick review

First this was impressive poem and also i would want to know this touch poem was so Excellent
i barely can't stop reading a poem like this cause it was all the work we needed right here to know that we needed to read and this was such a lovely poem i ever read and yes i im not good at poetry like that so i still know what poetry is about through

My Compliment is so what you do with poems like these anyway like so many poetry people on this site and i wanna know like what yall do with all poetry stuff i im just asking cause i know some of all write them poems

How you can improve is when is some new work from you cause i i wanna know whats going to be in your next poem cause some people they will tell someone but i wanna know whats going to be on your next work poem

Keep Writing!!

-jay




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79 Reviews


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Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:31 am
AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions :) I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

This is so descriptive! I love that o much. it tells a tory just through sharing details. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

I also enjoy how we feel like we know everything that is going one.

Ellie-Mae




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54 Reviews


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Sat Sep 18, 2021 9:26 pm
YourFriendQuirks08 wrote a review...



Hey there, Rubes with a shortish review here! I usually divide my reviews into four sections: first impressions, what went well (www), improvement ideas (ebi) and conclusion summing up all the ideas and things I have said at the end.

First impressions: The poem is good, I like the idea of craving affection from who you say as "them". I feel it makes it good because the readers think of someone personal to them, which adds a layer of privacy for each different read people have.

WWW:

i want to hold your hand,

reach across

the prairies between us

and entwine my fingers

with yours,


This is so cute. The support you can get from their hands is just so calming, so I can understand why you chose this idea. It's a bit basic and unoriginal though, don't get me wrong it works, but I reckon an extended metaphor would really enhance the idea here.

come place your thumbs

in the dimples of my back.


Oh...I see what you're saying here. You're wanting more 'physical' stuff I see. Again a symbol of long lasting love and bonds.

wrap your arms

around me as

we lay unveiled

on a mattress of

intimacy.


Again...Very "sus". But it sounds good and the flow is excellent.

let me fall asleep

in those arms,


I like this...a lot. It's a nice way to show the want of stability and comfort with someone, especially a lover.

EBI:

I think it sounds good, but it isn't 'out there' enough for me. I think we need more figurative language, similes and definitely an extended metaphor. Personification if there was a clear way to add it.

Conclusion:

I did really enjoy it, it's personal to each reader and has a lovely flow about it, it sounds good together and never goes outside the length that fits the text well. I would give this an 7.5/10 just because of some available improvements but apart from that, well done!

Have a good week,
Rubes x




lukekazey says...


Thank you. I hear all your suggestions, but for me the more imagery-filled route wasnt where i wanted to take this poem. I wanted to display the beautiful simplicity of intimacy with a lover, hence the simpler route.



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Sat Sep 18, 2021 2:22 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there, and happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!

I really loved this sweet poem. I think each line really added to that building sense of physical intimacy. I feel that a lot of the time, people tend to forget the feeling of love behind physical intimacy, reducing it down to something more shallow or surface level to either shock or please audiences, but I feel like this poem really encapsulated that feeling of love that goes along with craving intimacy with a person who you love a lot. It was really quite eloquent and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

One thing I loved about it was just how well it flowed. I swear, it was like it was metaphorical water over rocks. I think your use of poetic devices and rephrasing ordinary things really helped build that light and comfortable environment in your poem. The line about reaching across "prairies between us" really stood out; I think it was really beautiful. The imagery that came along with it was just gorgeous. Your repetition of tender/tenderness in the next to last stanza was also really lovely, and only served to emphasize all the loveliness you had going on. Nice work!

That last line was also really great; I'm a sucker for things in foreign languages. According to Google Translate (which isn't always the most reliable, I know) it's Irish? Anyways. I think it added just the right amount of spice to the end of the poem, and once you know the meaning, it makes the poem all the more sweeter.

One thing I did wonder about was the second and third stanzas. To me, they felt a little short and out of place. In all these other stanzas, you've got a lot of flowing imagery and abstract phrasings, whereas these two were more cut and dried and just... stated things, rather than finding flowery, roundabout ways to convey them. I feel like maybe adding in a few metaphors/some more imagery into those stanzas could help beef them up a bit more. Also, it's not that it's bad as is; I think it totally works right now. I just think that they just seem a bit less cohesive with the rest of your poem.

Overall: nice work! I thought you captured the sweetness of love and intimacy really nicely in this eloquent and flowy poem. I hope to read more of your work soon; but for now, until next time!!




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Fri Sep 17, 2021 9:12 pm
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JohnKlue wrote a review...



To have and Hold.

This Poem is clearly about feelings of intimacy (or at least feelings of desiring intimacy).
Overall I think you did a nice job capturing this emotion. I really love the poetic descriptions.

"i want to hold your hand,

reach across

the prairies between us

and entwine my fingers

with yours,

tracing psychedelia

across metacarpal plains."
this seems to likens the human form to a pastoral landscape. However Metacarpal is a bit of an uncommon word so people could get confused.

However words need not always be familiar to general audiences. "is tú mo ghrá." I put this through a translator and got this "You are my love." Translated from Irish.

Overall this is an incredible poem I hope you keep up the good work.





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