Chapter 17 of Princess of the Sea

It was dawn. Silira had not slept all night, but walked outside the Keep in the snow since Corwin proposed to The Girl, unable to think or do anything other than wander around the Caer without her coat.

Corwin came running outside. "Silent?" The snow was still falling, and she blended into it in her cream-colored dress for a moment. Then he saw her.

"Silent." He came up to her. "I've been looking all over for you. No one could find you last night. Are you sick?"

She shook her head.

"I was worried about you." He ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "I, um, knew something was wrong. On the night we arrived, you looked...Well, I knew something was the matter. Are you all right?"

Silira nodded, not smiling.

Corwin grinned, unable to contain himself. "Silira, it's her. It's her. The girl who saved my life. Do you understand what this means to me?! I've been wanting to see her for years! She's here! I still almost can't believe she accepted me! This is...perfect." He laughed, spinning around, spraying snow onto her dress. He stopped. "Sorry. But this is perfect! Mother gets her political crap, and I...Silira, you don't even understand how happy I am." He put his hands on her shoulders. Her face didn't change. "This is what they mean when they talk about happily ever after."

He was so happy. She didn't want to, she didn't want to do anything ever again, but Silira decided to do the only thing she could. She smiled and hugged him. There was nothing she could do about this. Since she couldn't be happy, Corwin might as well be. And the princess...well, she had better realize she was getting something good.

It was the month of celebration all over the Continent. They rejoiced in the ending of the year and the beginning of a new one, the end of the summer's farm work, and in winter itself. Carolers filled the streets, which didn't help Silira's mood. She knew she could be better than any of them, if she only had her tongue. If only, if only, if only, was all she could think, so she tried not to think. She threw herself headlong into the parties and the festive mood. The witch's words came true in Aeryn as well. Everyone who saw her called her, though some only in their thoughts, the loveliest child of earth they had ever seen.

One of the parties, this one in the large common room of the Keep, was being held about a week before the wedding.

Corwin was sitting on a sofa, talking to Serena. They had talked a good deal in the last three weeks. Silira had stayed in the background, being the strange unnapproachable beauty, as usual. Not so long ago, in the Golden Palace, it had been a post she rather enjoyed, being aloof and unapproachable, yet not rude in the least. But now she couldn't enjoy anything, not even the delicious smells of the dinner they'd just eaten, or the violin being played in the background. She had one really swanky dress she'd brought from Eleschi, a dark red silk with pale blue ribbons and long sleeves, and she was wearing it now, watching Corwin and Serena from behind a glass of hot cider. Corwin was laughing, presumably at something Serena had said. She was witty, clever, and actually rather nice. She seemed to care for him. The story was that she had fallen in love with Corwin when she saved him, just as he had fallen in love with her.

Serena glanced over at Silira. "Silent, tell him he should listen to me."

Silira walked over to them, raising her eyebrows.

Serena sighed. "Corwin does not seem to realize the values of tradition." She put her hand on his shoulder. Her engagement ring gleamed in the light from the nearest candelabra. It was a bright blue stone on a golden wire.

"I realize them!" he said indignantly. "But the party before our wedding will be the best one yet this month! I want to be with you there!"

Serena groaned. She had a very normal, relaxed, civil quality about her. "Corwin, it's unlucky the night before." Silira hated the way she talked about the wedding, almost as if she wasn't excited to be marrying the kindest guy in Eleschi. "And you have your stag party."

Corwin blinked, then grinned. "Oh, yes! I retract my earlier statement. Silent, I suppose you'll be at that party?"

Silira shook her head. She supposed she could skip this one party and go to bed early. She was exhausted, from parties and from other things. Staying in the Keep wouldn't seem weird, she reasoned. People would think she was tired of the constant, conversationless feasting and dancing. Actually, she might remain in seclusion until the wedding itself. Yes, she would. She would have to. She didn't think she could hold out for another five days without collapsing. The wedding she could handle, yes, but not five more days of feasting and dancing. She would need to save all her strength. There would be the ceremony, then a feast, then dancing on the Falcon as they sailed back home. Then...no, she wouldn't think about the next morning.

She sat down on the sofa, and Serena and Corwin talked about the wedding, about Serena's uncanny resemblance to Silent, and how much fun the holidays had been. Silira spaced out, an attentive look on her face, and wondered if her sisters would be there when she died.

Her sisters, in fact, were nowhere near Caer Ebon at the moment. Once Levana had suggested getting help from the witch, they had begun the race of a lifetime to save their sister's life. They had a month to go from Aeryn to Twilight, round-trip. No others could have attempted it, but they were good. Really good. They rode by the swiftest currents, hitching rides on the fastest sea creatures they found, changing seahorses whenever they could. Eltress took the lead, her hair undone, streaming through the water. It was dark, very dark, and the only light was some bioluminescent algae they'd put in a box and used as a lantern. They stayed some distance below the surface, avoiding waves, but staying as close to the moonlight as possible.

No, there was another light. Rika sang out. "Light! Light! Dead ahead!"

"Twilight!" Eylee shouted. "We're close! Speed up!"

The doormerman heard an odd sound. Neighing seahorses, and...whooping? He opened the door a crack, and was bowled over onto the white sand floor. The five princesses zoomed past him and into the great hall. He heard Levana yelling back, "Sorry!"

The Sea King was bored. He was sitting on his throne, listening to some mermaid singing in the background as he watched some merman draw up a map of the coastline. Silira could have drawn it better, he thought. He missed her. Everyone did, especially her sisters...who were now rocketing into the room and pulling up right in front of him. The current from their entry blew his hair back.

"Ummm..."

"Father," Eylee said quickly, "I know we're supposed to be watching Silira, but there wasn't much we could do to help her when she's on land. And she is. Port of Caer Ebon, as we expected. And the princess of Aeryn is going to marry Prince Corwin and Silira will die the next morning unless we can get help from the Sea Witch."

The king didn't move for a second. Then he cleared his throat and said, "You may not make it. Do you know the perils of this adventure?"

Levana spoke up. "No, Father, but peradventure we may save her life."

He was quiet again, looking down at the floor. Then he raised his head, fire in his eyes. He had lost his queen, Selena. He would not lose Silira.

"At any cost!"

The five sisters rode out of the palace on new seahorses, speeding over Twilight and toward the grey plain. When they had reached it, Eylee raised her hand, stopping the company. She turned her mount to face the others.

"Whatever may be down there, it may kill us. Silira lost her tongue. The witch is nasty, and if anyone wants to stay back--"

Nyrie slid off her horse. "None of us does. Waste no more time, Eylee. We must be quick if we are to make it back by New Year's Eve."

"Can we?" Levana said, dismounting and tying her hair back.

Eltress nodded. "We paced ourselves on the way home and had to buy new horses at each stop. This time, I got a pass from Father that will let us get new horses at each courier station." Under the sea, couriers wore black belts, and Eltress held up a handful. "This time, we don't hold back. We are faster than any human vessel, and we'll get the fastest horses."

"It will still be close," Rika said.

"What else can we do?" Levana said, and dived.

Back in Caer Ebon, Silira was sitting in her window seat, looking out at the falling snow. The wedding was tomorrow morning. She had one more day to live.

Corwin was at his stag party, in some high-class pub down in the city. Serena was in her room several floors down, preparing for the last party that night. Silira was trying to distract herself with thoughts of home, thoughts about the seahorses, the red willow in her garden, her childhood searching through ships, asking her grandmother about the land and humans...Oh, vomit, her whole life had been in vain. She could have united the land and the sea. Merfolk and humans, working together. It could have been wonderful. She could have been a princess of both worlds. Instead, here she was, the silent girl who didn't even have a name...

Her eyes slowly closed, and she started dreaming. She saw darkness, lightning lighting up the raging sea, a ship overturning and breaking apart on Kelp Mountain, and then another one sinking not far off, and a little mermaid making her way through the wreckage to a boy with black hair and black eyes, holding him up for hours on end. Silira dreamed about the wreck all night, the little mermaid keeping the prince's head above water, keeping him alive through the storm, even though the lightning kept striking all around her. Lightning was her worst fear, she remembered. Almost her only fear. Hadn't it killed her mother? The storm grew slowly less, and the wind died down. There was one last peal of distant thunder, and then the sun began to rise--

Silira's eyes shot open. The sun couldn't rise, or she would turn into foam and--Oh. She was awake. No longer dreaming. Lying lopsidedly on the window seat, in the Keep, in Caer Ebon, in Aeryn. She had legs. Feet. No tongue. Yes, it had just been a dream...Oh, yes.

This was her last day to live.

She knelt on the window seat, looking out at the sea and the dawn. It was a rather tame one, with pale pink streaks of light at the horizon and grey clouds everywhere else.

Lord, I know life isn't fair...but...Really!? I'm going to die. I won't go to heaven. It's always been my greatest hope, leaving this world behind for a perfect one. A real and perfect world. A world where none of...this stuff, no tragedy, ever happens. I wanted to meet Mother in heaven, and Corwin when he came. But this? Becoming nothing, absolutely nothing? I don't care how bad life is. It's better than nothing. Nothing at all.

I don't want to go.

Prayer goes both ways. You can listen as well. Otherwise, the conversation is one-sided. But she didn't listen. She had forgotten for a long time now.

She braced herself, got her feet out from under her, and stood up. She went to the big sea chest in the corner. No, not her red dress. Yes, here was the right one to wear, even though she didn't much care what she wore today. It was the simple cream-colored dress she'd worn when Corwin told her he loved her, even though she wasn't the one. She got into it, brushed her hair, considered doing something with it, then changed her mind and left it down. It looked best that way.

She decided to stay upstairs until the carriages arrived to take them to the church. That would be at around two o'clock. It was early morning now. She hadn't slept long. It was sunrise, about seven o'clock. The days were shortening. She lay back down in the window seat and closed her eyes. The maids would wake her when the carriages came.

Yes, they did. Mellerie knocked tentatively on the door. "Lady Silent? Lady Silent?"

Silira was awake. Try as she might, she hadn't been able to sleep all day. She got off the window seat and came to the door, snatching her coat on the way. She opened the door, nodded at Mellerie, and went past her, putting on her coat as she went down the stairs. Lord Tiernan greeted her as she came into the dining room.

"Ah, Lady Silent!" He seemed exceptionally cheerful, but nothing he could say would upset her. "What a lovely day for a wedding. I'm sure you're gladder than I can say, and certainly gladder than you can say, you little tongueless thing, to see their Highnesses married. What a lovely couple. Serena has already been at the church for hours. Rehearsing, you know. And the prince looked quite happy as he left five minutes ago--"

Silira was standing next to him in a moment, her hand over his mouth in a grip which he knew to be stronger than his own, eyes blazing with blue fire. She couldn't speak, but her message was clear: Shut your mouth, you inconsiderate jerk. You are not what you seem to be. I don't know your secret, but just shut your mouth.

Tiernan wet himself and retreated to his room to change, growling curses in Gaelic. "Dratted blasted girl...she's hard-core, all right...deuced stupid blonde banshee..."

Silira looked coldly after him, then went to the door. The last carriage was waiting at the bottom of the steps up to the door. She went to it, got in, and latched the door, pulling down the curtains while she was at it. No one else was inside. The carriage began to move, then halted as Lord Tiernan ran out. "Wait! Wait, driver!" He jumped easily up onto the running board, pulling the door open--oh, no, she'd locked it. He banged on it angrily as the carriage made its way down the hill, barely hanging onto the side. Silira leaned back in the dim carriage and smiled. Then her principles took over and she unlatched the door. Tiernan got in, slammed the door so hard the carriage nearly capsized, and sat down across from Silira. "I would very much like to forcibly remove your face," he said in a cordial and civil tone.

Silira smiled her most beautiful smile.

The drive to the church did not take long, maybe a quarter of an hour. Silira watched a few snowflakes fall lazily to the ground, huge ones, almost an inch big. One landed on her hand as she was getting down from the carriage, one foot on the running board, one in midair. She watched it melt as Tiernan, rolling his eyes, jumped out of the carriage and went into the church. The sky was pale and the wind was still as she looked up at the falling snow. She could hear the snowflakes falling.

Corwin was standing on the dais in the church, at the opposite end from the entrance. The pews were full, and Lord Tiernan was making some speech about diplomacy, the values of Aeryn, and the values of Aragon, and their combined powers improving the continent, yadda yadda yadda. He wasn't really listening, but watching the pews. Everyone was there except Silent. There was Lady Reynalda, not the nicest woman present, and the guests from Aragon, a good many Aeryns, and the organist in the back. But no Silent--

Oh.

Oh, criminy.

There she was, coming down the aisle, looking from left to right to see if there were any seats open. There was only one, he knew. To his right, in the middle of the front pew. She didn't look at him, but appeared to be concentrating on finding a seat. She looked absolutely beautiful, her coat taken by the chap at the door, the long dress trailing on the floor, her silvery-golden hair shining in the light from the chandeliers. She sat down, that slight expression of relief on her face that she seemed to get whenever she sat down and got her weight off her feet.

Tiernan wrapped it up, to the brief applause of everyone in the room except Silent, for some reason. He retired to the back of the dais and raised his hand. "Priest Leonardo, of your courtesy."

An old priest in black velvet robes came forward. He had long grey hair and aquiline features, and he looked forward at the darkness at the end of the aisle.

"Let the bride approach," he said in a clear ringing voice. The organist struck up the wedding march, an old inspiring melody that resonated throughout the church.

Serena came forward. Her dress was simple and nondescript, obviously white, and she wore a thin silk veil that she could see through but was opaque to outsiders. Colin gazed at her, for some reason not very impressed. He wanted to see her face, the face he'd been crazy about for so long. He glanced at Silira's. They were so much alike, it was uncanny.

"Princess Serena of Eire," the priest said, "th'art the only match for this man, for better or for worse. You saved his life from the ever-changing sea." He turned to Corwin. "Prince Corwin of Eleschi, thou art the only match for this woman, for better or for worse. You have remembered her for three years, after only one sight of her face." He turned to the small congregation. "If any here know of any reason that these two should not be wed, speak out now."

The organist finished the march. The only answer was silence.

Leonardo turned to Lord Tiernan. "Sir, you may be seated."

Tiernan giggled nervously. "Ah...uh...er...um..."

The priest looked around the church. There were no empty seats. "Stay where you are, then." A few people giggled. He stared them down. "Now, friends, the Lord has set in motion this blessed arrangement..." He went on about the virtues of marriage for some time, as was usual at weddings. Silira wondered if one of the chandeliers would suddenly fall on his head, or maybe Serena's. Corwin was seized by a sudden doubt that Serena was not really herself. He had a strange unsettling feeling that the girl in white standing next to him was not his true love. But then Leonardo wrapped it up, and Serena pulled off her veil. Corwin's fears were dispelled, and he and Serena joined hands.

Leonardo raised his hands above his head. "This man and this woman, Lord, have come to be joined into holy matrimony. Corwin, swear'st thou that thou shalt love and protect this woman who saved you from the storm, being not embittered against her?"

Corwin's proud voice rang throughout the church. "I swear."

Leonardo continued to gaze upwards. "Serena, swear you that you shall be, to this man whose life you saved, his cherished true love so long as you both shall live?"

"I swear." Serena's voice was cool and dispassionate.

Leonardo smiled at them. "I proclaim you, Corwin, and you, Serena, to be husband and wife so long as you both shall live."

The congregation rose to their feet and shouted, "So be it!" This always happened, but Silira hadn't heard about it, and rose a second after the others. The organist began another song, the triumphant one that was played when wars were won and hearts were joined, and Serena and Corwin kissed.