Hi there!
So first I wanted to second some of the things QueenofSomewhere said, especially her first point about the confusing passage of time. This part in particular tripped me up.
Silira gestured elegantly to the risen crescent moon through a window, meaning that it was night and she would not be easily recognizable.
Colin looked at it, then back at her, noticing the effect of the moonlight on her unusually long pale blonde hair. "Well, I know it's night, but you are...distinctive." They were inside by now, standing at the foot of the steps. He realized he was still holding her hand, both of them in fact...now, how had that happened?...and let go. He nodded. "Good night, my lady."
Part of it was that she gestured at the moon through a window before you even said "they were inside by now." Since they start conversing as they walk, you can use the outdoor setting to break up and buffer their conversation. Rather than gesturing through a window, Silira could just gesture to the moon overhead while still outside.
I thought it was kind of odd that she tried so hard to keep her dress dry, because she's a mermaid. Like I know she's not in mermaid form right now. But considering she's from the sea, it doesn't seem like it should bother her about getting her clothing wet. And then since she's sitting out by the sea, I don't think anyone would find it super suspicious if she comes in with her hem all wet, so I wasn't sure why she kept twitching her dress away from the water.
I also thought her sisters' reaction to her tongue being cut out was underwhelming.
Silira considered, then opened her mouth. The thing with her feet was too hard to explain without words. They looked into it, and then Rika gasped. "Is..."
Silira nodded, sighing silently.
They were outraged. "But that's terrible! She CUT OUT your T--"
Like, no, your sister's tongue has been cut out. But they just kind of get upset about it for a moment and then move on.
The one thing I wanted to add was the viewpoint shifts in this chapter. We're in Silira's viewpoint for most of it, but when Corwin comes to get her we're suddenly in his viewpoint without any warning, and then at the end we get Henry's. I'm not opposed to an omniscient narrator, but if that's the case I think the shifts between characters' perspectives need to be smoother, and if you're going for omniscience then we could also stand to see Silira's sisters and even the sea's grief over her abrupt departure and disfigurement.
If you were going for multiple viewpoint characters instead of an omniscient narrator, there needs to be a clearer break between each perspective, although Henry's few sentences at the end were all right here. It was mostly Corwin suddenly being the viewpoint character that threw me.
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