Cover art for The Prime Control Chapter 7: The Artifact

The Prime Control Chapter 7: The Artifact

by keeperofgaming

Published May 6, 2024

16+ Violence

In The Prime Control

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

The gem was massive.

“It’s been a while since I was last here.”

“What is it?”

Taury smiled at me.

“An artifact, older than even Morgan. It’s magic is thought to have come from the Dream itself.”

“Woah…”

“You like saying that, don’t you.”

{One enslaved by Morgan. Why are you here?}

“Who said that?”

Taury looked at me with an odd look.

“Who said what? I just asked if you like saying woah.”

“It was weird, like what happened at the Dream.”

Taury instantly grasped that something was off.

{Sweet child of Lallakno, she cannot hear me. For her will isn’t great enough, but you, demon slayer, can…}

“Who are you?”

{I rest before you…}

“Taury, I may be delusional.”

“Why?”

“Because the strange voice is saying it’s the big green rock in front of us.”

She blinked.

“Yeah I think you’re delusional.”

{IDIOT! I’m not just a rock!!!}

I winced. The magic spasmed, causing Taury to look at the artifact in shock.

“It did not like being called a rock.”

Taury sighed.

“Probably the same reason I take offense to being called a fairy.”

“Probably.”

“Though I was not expecting that.”

“Neither was I.”

{Child of Amelia, reach out and touch the surface of my tangible form.}

“Now… it’s telling me to touch it.”

“Yeah… I don’t trust that, technically, I’m the only one who should touch it, but if it’s directly telling you… I don’t know.”

I smiled.

“Together?”

“Why not?”

We reached out, and then touched the green gem, and magic flooded out before us, before we were pulled in.

_

“The heck?”

“Where are we?”

Both of us were confused.

Then we saw a woman, every feature of hers was like emerald.

“Hello, Child of Lallakno and Child of Amelia.”

Taurael looked cautious.

“Why do you call us that?”

I had a better question.

“How do you know those names?”

The woman tilted her head to the side.

“Why would I not? I am not bound to the same rules of knowledge as the Hunter and Morgan are. I am bound to the same rules as the Unsung.”

I blinked. That’s what the doll shop owner called me.

“What is the Unsung?”

“That is not for you to know yet.”

“But-“

“Don’t worry, I am not hiding it, it just simply shouldn’t be answered yet.”

“I see… is it some kind of prophecy nonsense like I’m going to have to save the world?”

The woman snorted in laughter.

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

I looked at her.

“What should we call you?”

“Not ‘that rock’ for one.”

“Yeah, s-sorry.”

“It’s fine, my tangible self is rocklike.”

“Still.”

“I’ve been called numerous things over the eras. The First Song used to call me the Artifact, as I am a source of raw magic.”

“The First Song?”

“That is-“

“Something you can’t answer yet?”

“You catch on quickly, child of Amelia.”

“Why do you call me that?”

“Call you what?”

“Child of Amelia.”

“Because you are of the same lineage and she has had more impact than you, same as with the child of Lallakno.”

“More impact? She didn’t do much when I was around.”

She smiled.

“You do not know her well then.”

“I don’t. I last saw her when I was 10.”

“Yes, that would be problematic. But there is only one in your lineage with more impact than Amelia, but I am not allowed to state his name.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged.

“I am not allowed to name my equals.”

Taury was confused.

“Your equals?”

“Indeed.”

I thought for a moment.

“The Unsung?”

She smiled.

“Not quite, I can name them.”

“Interesting, why are we here?”

“I was interested in your enslavement; Morgan should not have done that.”

Both me and Taury looked at her in shock.

“What do you mean, enslavement?!”

“It’s quite simple, Child of Lallakno, the Child of Amelia has a collar on his neck imbued by Morgan’s magic.”

“A collar?”

She looked at me and stood. She was short, like a full foot shorter than me.

As she approached, I finally got a good look at her.

She had emerald-green features, right down to her eyes.

She had white whites, but the rest of the eye was a bright green.

Her body was thinly veiled with a dress of dark green silk.

She moved like a wraith, like grace was a second nature to her. There was no fall of her movement. She simply moved.

She stopped in front of me, then reached with her green arm and touched an invisible object near my neck.

Then magic imitating roots appeared and a chain stretching in a random direction was seen.

“There, that is the collar. Morgan should not have put this on you. Even with her plans, it is not a smart idea to keep it on.”

“Can you remove it?”

“It is not my spell. It is on Morgan to remove it.”

I looked at her.

“Why should she remove it?”

She just looked at me.

“Can’t tell me, huh?”

She smiled.

Then she moved forward closer to me, her face nearly on my chest and looked up.

“You look better up close~”

“Heh?!”

She smiled.

“Heh, taking the mystical look is hard, Child of Amelia, but it seems like I managed it well.”

She backed up and looked at Taury.

“Child of Lallakno, you are cool in your big form.”

All sense of mysticism was gone. Even the dress was now replaced with a simple shirt and shorts.

“I’ve always wondered what humans smelled like, it’s unique to other species.”

She now seemed more playful and then began floating.

I smiled.

“Um, you never answered, what can I call you?”

“Ah, you? You could call me…”

Then she was directly in front of me.

“Darling~ That sounds good.”

I flushed and backed up.

“Uh… I was thinking more along the lines of Arty.”

“Ooh, I like that.”

I looked over at Taury who was looking like she was about to try murdering the ancient entity.

“What are you playing at… Arty?”

Arty snickered.

“Calm down, I’m not making a move on your crush, I simply haven’t spoken to people in a long time, and as a bachelorette I like complimenting people.”

“Heh?”

Taury flushed.

Arty snickered and spun in the air.

“Well, you two definitely passed my test. You remained respectful and behaved. I like you two. Tell you what. I’ll let you access here from the nexus when you have questions.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah, since I’m technically a gem in your world, to actually get here, I need to either pull you here, or I need to give you permission to go here through the nexus.”

“Isn’t there a password?”

“For here? Nope. Well, have a good time, remember, aunty Arty is here to answer what I’m allowed to.”

Then we were back in the lake.

I was dizzy, but the gem was still there.

“Woah, it’s dark.”

I turned and noticed that yes, indeed it was dark.

“How long were we in there?”

We swam up to the surface and saw Simial talkin to Mavan and Ms. Pan.

“Listen, I checked the lake five times, they are nowhere to be found.”

“Try again Simial, I won’t be the one who ticks off Morgan by losing her pet and the dang Lady of the Lake!”

“Listen, knowing my lady, she’s likely on another magical adventure, and she’ll be back soon.”

“You’ve been saying that for five hours, Simial.”

“Well, he wasn’t wrong.”

I swam up and me and Taury left the water.

“Where were you two?!”

“We were… I don’t actually know. Wings? Where were we?”

“Simial, you know that big green gem?”

“The Elder Stone?”

“Yeah, that one. Did you know that it’s conscious?”

“…”

The trio blinked.

“My lady, I think you’ve been without oxygen for a bit too long.”

“No, it actually pulled us into a weird pocket realm or something.”

I nodded.

“As odd as it sounds, it’s true.”

Maven rubbed her brow.

“So, you were gone, under the water for hours… frolicking with a fancy rock.”

“Pretty much, but it’s not a rock, she made that really clear.”

“*Sigh…* Let’s just go back to camp, everyone is worried. And Wings, go back into your small form.”

“Roger that.”

She shrunk quickly, and flitted up, before landing on my head.

I followed Maven and Ms. Pan, and when we returned to camp, I was bombarded with questions.

“Where did you go?”

“What were you doing?”

“How dare you make us worry?”

“Were you attacked by another beast?”

“Were you making out with that hottie?”

I turned at the last one and full on blushed.

“Okay to answer each question in order.”

I breathed deeply.

“I was wandering the nearby area, just relaxing, sorry, no, and no.”

I sighed. My head hurting from trying to comprehend the events that happened prior.

I rubbed my temples. I had a nasty headache.

“Give the man room to breathe.”

Grace moved people aside softly. At least, softly for her. To the ones she was moving, it felt like she was shoving them.

“Hey, watch it.”

“He’s tired and clearly has a headache, let him be.”

The crowd dispersed and I thanked Grace.

“Don’t mention it, now, I think you owe me, Brent, and Amy an explanation.”

I sighed.

“I suppose.”

I followed her to Amy’s tent where the duo were waiting.

“So, what happened?”

I sighed.

“Me and Wings went underwater and found a green gem.”

Amy raised a brow.

“Did you take it? Did that terrifying lifeguard come after you?”

“No, it was a bit too big to take, me and her touched it and were teleported to this alternate realm.”

“What?”

“The being there claimed to be said gem, and we spoke for a while.”

“…”

“… what?”

“Is that it?”

Then Taury snapped.

“Well, it got really handsy with William.”

“Getting close is not getting handsy.”

“It flat out told you to call it darling.”

“Being flirty isn’t handsy either.”

“Still.”

I sighed… I was not in mood to deal with a jealous pixie.

Then I realized something.

“Something kind of confusing was that it knew both of our parent’s names.”

Brent raised a brow.

“How is that confusing?”

Taury sighed.

“Because my name is secret enough that pixies would war at it being revealed, my father’s name is a secret big enough to set even Morgan on a warpath if it was revealed.”

Brent blanched.

“Oh… so with it knowing…”

I smiled.

“Don’t worry, I seem to be the only one it can talk to from outside the gem.”

Brent sighed in relief. His order’s greatest fear was Morgan, so hearing about her potentially going to war if a simple name was revealed was terrifying.

“Well, now that we know there’s nothing to worry about, let’s get some shut eye.”

I walked out, but me and Taury weren’t tired.

“Hey… wanna fly?”

“What?”

“With the lake restored, my magic is bolstered in this realm, I can maintain my large form for hours at a time now. So, if you’re not tired, why not fly? Learn how it feels to see the world from a Sylvian’s view.”

I smiled.

“Why not? It would be fun.”

“Agreed.”

She enlarged. She smiled at me and grabbed my arms.

“Grab around my neck. I’ll piggyback carry you.”

She leaned over. Her being something like 6’7 really helped make it easier.

I clambered onto her back and draped my arms around her neck.

“Alright, you ready?”

“Yep.”

Then she took off.

_

Many thoughts passed through my head.

This was gorgeous.

She is beautiful in the moonlight.

We’re going so fast.

We’re so high up…

This must look absolutely ridiculous from an outside perspective.

The last thought invaded my head as I thought about how this would look to someone without magic.

I would be floating there, like in some kinda invisible car.

… Driving that car…

No, not going there, mind.

“Ooh~ Thinking odd things~?”

“N-no…”

“Heh, now I know you are~”

“Why is her smirk so beautiful?!”

“Oh, beautiful, am I?”

“I said that out loud?”

“Yes you did, handsome. Just know, you’re not the only mid-air flirt. Let’s focus on the flight, save the flirting for when we aren’t two miles off the ground.”

“You know what? Fair.”

I was minorly disappointed, but decided to look at the earth below, and my mouth dropped.

It was gorgeous… the world spanned forever almost.

Life, trees, animals. Everything was below us… it was incredible.

I could even see the edges of Morgan’s forest when we were this high.

“Woah…”

“Incredible, isn’t it. It’s almost as beautiful as the sylvian woods.”

“It is… I can even see the city from here…”

“Yeah, being this high… try looking up.”

I looked up…

It was incredible. The expansive sky was before me, it was like reality and fantasy struck me at the same time.

I was large, towering over all of the world, yet I only had to look up and I saw how small I truly was.

It was as though all the world was spread before me. The large, the small, all the same up here.

Trees like dots, the city was clear, and even the lake was small by my sight.

“How could you ever want to go down?”

“Heh, believe it or not, us pixies do tire after flying long enough, just as you humans tire of walking.”

“I suppose.”

“Tell you what, I know where to land.”

“Hm?”

We landed by the lake which was now restored. It’s beauty was radiant and numerous fairies fluttered around.

We sat down, our feet grazing the water.

The coolness of the air blew in our faces with a scent of marshmallow.

The grass, almost white in the lake’s blue light swayed with the breeze, creating a whistle.

The song of the whistle blew through the trees and bushes. Making a calm air

“Wings?”

“What is it?”

“I had this question for a while…”

“What is it?”

“Why do pixie’s names control them?”

She smiled and looked at the full moon.

“It’s a simple reason. The Pixies have unlimited potential, because, unlike the other races, we directly enter the dream. The other races have to leave their bodies, but we, in whole, join it. Thus, our magic is nearly limitless. Because of this, according to legends, a limit was made to prevent the pixies from destroying everything by higher beings, like Arty I suppose, we had to always have someone to command us, some way to limit us, but only if we traversed other realms.”

She looked at me.

“That is why my brother told the council his name, and why Morgan and the rest were made aware of mine as I was sent to her palace.”

“What of before… when you were the lady of the lake?”

She smiled.

“Arthur was the only one I told my name to.”

“Why him?”

She snickered.

“Jealous, are we?”

“Uhm.”

“Calm down, I was kidding. I told him because I knew that he would never abuse it. Kind of like you. Given your power, many would abuse me or force me to do things, after all, I’d never remember anyways, but you… you are compassionate… When I look at you, I think that even if I made the restrictions on the sword so much that even Arthur couldn’t wield it… that you, somehow, could.”

I smiled back.

“Why all the faith?”

“I don’t know… could it be my love? Or… could I simply see something that you don’t see yet? I don’t know… don’t know if I ever will know, but… it’s a lovely thing to think about, isn’t it?”

She leaned closer.

I leaned too.

“I do love you, William.”

“As do I, you.”

We smiled and leaned furth-

“My lady, thank you for reblessing the lake!”

Simial appeared, causing both of us to jump violently.

“Simial, you scared us.”

His jaw gaped as he realized just what he interrupted.

“My lady… that is a human. You do realize that, right?”

“Yes. And he’s a very good one. Alvane even confused him for an archon.”

“Intriguing, but my lady. I would be careful. Humans are fragile, even the good ones…”

“What are you saying, Simial?”

“I just don’t want you to end up like Morgan. Please don’t rush this kind of thing.”

Then he sunk back into the water.

We glared at the bubbles.

“Well, that ruined the mood.”

“Should we go back to camp?”

“Yeah… why not…”

We decided to walk back.

“Why was he so touchy about that?”

“*Sigh* Remember when I told you how some fey see humans as weaker and less?”

“Is Simial like that?”

She nodded.

“Oh, he’s the poster boy of that. I’m certain that if he was okay with blood getting in the lake, that he would kill any human that dared get near.”

“I kind of also got that from Alvane, now that I think of it.”

“Yeah, the knights of Avalon were quite fey supremacy minded. They didn’t understand why we needed to hide in this world, even with the last bastion of humanity argument.”

“So…”

“Alvane would be fine as long as I’m fine, but Simial…”

“He does not approve.”

“Especially after what happened to Morgan, he sees humans as easily broken, and if I grow attached and you break. He thinks I’d become like Morgan.”

I sighed and looked at her.

“Was Arthur the first?”

“What?”

“Was his the first peaceful relationship between the two races?”

“Unless you tap into ancient legends, yes, yes it was.”

“So, he doesn’t understand the truth…”

“Not as well, keep in mind that his only show of a union was Mordred, who was foul. Mordred’s not the best way to have a first impression of that kind of union.”

“Yeah…”

“Well, we’re back… wanna get some sleep?”

“Sure, tell you what, I’ll sleep in the tree with you tonight. My apology for Simial’s interruption.”

“But you didn’t-“

“Just take the dang apology.”

“Okay.”

I clambered up in the tree and Taury lay down on my sleeping bag.

Then I noticed that she was still in her bikini, and I was still in my trunks… we never changed.

“Um… Taury?”

“Come on, don’t be shy~ Just lay down.”

“Okay.”

I laid down with a blush.

We lay next to each other for a while… then Taury rolled over and grasped me.

“Um…”

I looked at her and noticed her sleeping face.

I smiled at the beauty and hugged her back.

_

I woke up, and Mini Taury obviously moved in the night as she was lying, strewn on my head.

I yawned. The night hitting me a lot better.

“Wings… wake up…”

“…nirk…”

“Wings…”

“Hey, William, having trouble up there?”

Grace shouted at me.

“Wings won’t wake up, and I don’t want to move until she does.”

“Okay…”

She walked off, and I lay there in silence. I couldn’t actually see; Taurael’s back was over my eyes.

I could feel one hand on my neck and the other mixed with my hair.

I could feel her chest rising and falling.

“Wings, it’s time to get up.”

“Five more minutes, mom.”

“Wings?”

“I know Arthur needs to go back to Earth, just let me sleep for five minutes more… get Alvane to do it…”

“What?”

She yawned.

“You’re right, she can’t open the gate… fine, I’ll do it.”

Then she stood up and walked… straight off the edge of a branch.

“WOAH!”

I caught her. I looked at her in minor shock. A fall from this height would definitely cripple her when she’s this small.

“William…”

“Oh, you’re awake?”

“Don’t hurt William.”

“What? Wings.”

“Get away from him. Don’t hurt him!”

“Wings, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”

“Please… don’t hurt him.”

A tear dropped from her eyes, then she opened them.

“William?”

“Wings… it was just a nightmare.”

“Thank goodness… it felt so real. I was so scared…”

“It’s not real.”

She smiled.

“Can you promise me something?”

“What?”

“Don’t be like Arthur, if something is too dangerous… survive. Please…”

I sighed.

“I can’t… because what if it’s you in danger.”

She blushed.

“You… idiot… thank you.”

“The pleasure is mine. Let’s go to breakfast… After getting a bit more decent…”

She looked at me with a smirk, her usual demeanor returned.

“Sure… want me to change in my cabin? Or~”

“Wherever you want.”

She scrunched her nose at my lack of playing along.

“Fine, I’ll change here.”

“Got it.”

I changed and left before she finished grabbing her clothes.

She looked at me flustered as I descended, so, I did what any man getting revenge would do, I smirked.

“That’s for last night.”

“Spiteful little human.”

She flustered me. I flustered her. We’re even now.

I walked to breakfast and Wings fluttered behind me with a blush.

“Why did you have to do that?”

“You could’a pointed it out any time before, but nope, you wanted to fluster me. So, why not get you back.”

“You’re mean, you know that?”

“I do. Hey, what about, instead of Wings, I call you Darling~”

She full on flushed.

“You… jerk, you already flustered me once. You don’t need to do it again.”

“I know, I’m on a roll.”

“Who are you talking to?”

I jumped out of my skin and whipped around.

“Hi Cherry.”

“Hello. I never thought college students could have imaginary girlfriends, but I suppose you are sad enough to make one up.”

“Rude, but fair.”

“You’re lucky I was the one who caught you, otherwise your new title would be Miracle Virgin.”

I winced, that would be a bad title indeed.

“Or of course… you could be talking to a fey.”

She looked at me for a moment before snickering.

“I know, bad joke, some people actually believe that fey exist. Did you know that Grace actually believes that silly idea? For such a logical person, it’s odd she believes in them.”

“I suppose.”

Of course, her being a fey helped in that belief.

“Actually, I suppose you wouldn’t have to imagine a girlfriend.”

“What?”

“That girl, Tracy was her name, right?”

“No, Teresa.”

“Huh, well that closes the you don’t know each other theory.”

“What?”

“Oh please, miracle boy knows some hot girl that no one has seen before? People talk, a popular one was that she was some kind of prostitute that you hired to look less lonely.”

I blinked.

I’m sorry, I believe I misheard you. What was the theory?

She began to shiver.

“N-nothjng important, I’m gonna go to breakfast now.”

She wisely rushed off.

Taury snorted.

“Please, a prostitute? If any knight heard that, she’d be dead.”

“I know.”

“… William, were you about to kill her?”

“No, I was going to make her tell me exactly who made that rumor, then see if I get any new magic.”

“Oh… you don’t need to go that far…”

“*Sigh* You’re right. I’m just tired and… I suppose I acted a bit harshly.”

“A bit? You frightened the girl half to death. Your aura spiked for a moment.”

“It did?”

“Yeah.”

“Shouldn’t Grace’s amulet prevent that?”

“It should…”

I looked at it and noticed a massive crack in it.

“What the heck happened?!”

“Hm… Maybe last night, when you hugged me, it clashed our magics and overloaded it.”

“Maybe.”

_

“Nope, not possible.”

“What?”

“My relics are made to withstand the magic of one blessed by the Dream, you two hugging wouldn’t chip it.”

“I see… then how was it-“

“That’s what I can’t quite tell… It was obviously some sort of clash, but I can’t tell how that would- William, you know something, don’t you.”

“Wings… It was him.”

She looked at me.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because he’s already shown us he can enter dreams… combined with your nightmare… his magic, plus mine and yours… that would definitely generate enough power.”

“But then that...”

“Was a threat.”

“Yeah…”

Grace had a confused look.

“I feel like I missed something.”

“It’s something that you hopefully don’t need to worry about.”

“ALRIGHT CAMPERS!!!”

We all turned to Maven who was at an 11 despite it being 6 in the morning.

“We are hiking again today, but today, we are going on one of the oldest hiking trails in the forest, and if we have enough time afterwards, we can do more swimming in the lake.”

People cheered at the notion.

Everyone started gathering hiking gear.

I found a big stick.

“I’m ready.”

“Wonderful.”

Me and Taury smiled at each other. Amy walked by with an amused look in her eyes.

“I’ve never seen a more perfect model of sharing one braincell in the world.”

“What? Hiking stick. It’s a necessity!”

“Whatever.”

Amy snorted as she walked over to Brent.

Grace walked over.

“Do you know why Cherry is shivering so badly?”

“That may be my bad.”

“I thought so, what happened?”

“Did you know that there were various rumors about Wings?”

“Yep. Which one did she say to make you snap?”

“That, get this, she was a prostitute I hired. How could anyone think that for a moment?

“Yeah… I c-can see how that would make you mad.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine, but your mana pool is developing a lot. It’s odd.”

Taury sat on my head.

“Not really.”

We both looked at her, so she sighed.

“See it this way, William never walks his whole life, then he suddenly learns he has legs. His legs will be shaky for a while, but will quickly gain enough strength for him to hobble, then after that he can walk, and it progresses until he can sprint.”

“Oh… that does make sense.”

“Yeah, magic is a muscle, you simply haven’t been using it your whole life, hence why is was so easy to scar.”

“Alright, gather up, campers, we are heading out.”

Maven’s voice once again interrupted us.

“And we go.”

We began to leave the camp, all of the students looked around at the forest. Some bored, some in awe.

A few students brought phones. They were gaming on the trail, being guided by their friends.

I looked in awe at the luminescent forest.

“This… is all Morgan?”

“Yeah, incredible, isn’t it. You don’t get to be a multimillenia old spriggan without having a forest. And Morgan is older than my grandmother.”

“Woah…”

“Yeah.”

It was like mother nature barfed it out with how much life was here.

From moss to insects to birds and snakes to fey.

I saw fairies playing with a bird. Some gnomes were gardening moss on a tree.

Some cupids were chattering, their smiles and laughter livening up the woods.

Then a frog hopped in and snatched a fairy. I scissor-grabbed it’s tongue and glared at it.

The frog quivered and sucked it’s tongue back in fairyless before fleeing.

The fairy thanked me in a language I couldn’t understand and flew back to his friends.

Then another fairy flitted over to Taury and chattered for a moment.

“That could be a problem.”

She chattered back to the fairy who nodded smiled and flew off.

“What’d she say?”

“Apparently, there’s a big beast on the path we are going. The fey are avoiding that area for now.”

“We should tell Maven.”

“Agreed.”

I walked up the line and walked next to Maven.

“Ma’am.”

“Yes?”

“A fairy told Wings that there’s a big beast ahead of us. We may want to take an alternative path.”

“Sure, we’ll turn at the stream.”

“Got it.”

“Hello darling~”

I turned towards the voice.

“Get outta here, succubus.”

“No fun, pixie.”

The succubus moved away, it’s tail flicking.

“Woah…”

“Yep, they’re irritating, luckily, not many humans can see them naturally, otherwise the fey would’ve been revealed ages ago.”

“I’d imagine.”

I rammed into Maven.

“Woah, why’d you stop?”

“Everyone. Back away slowly.”

Her voice was soft. Almost… scared.

I looked over and froze.

It was on all fours, but a human shape. Drinking the water.

“What the **** is that thing?”

It seemed regular people could see it too.

Everyone started to back up… but I recognized it…

“There’s no way…”

“William, what is it?”

Taury began shaking.

“William, let’s go now.”

Me and her ignored Brent’s question.

“William, let's go…”

“That’s…”

“Yes, now let’s go…”

“Mordred?”

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Ravena
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Ravena wrote a review Review · May 10, 2024

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

Wow, there was a lot to this chapter, but it was all incredible, all the way through! From learning about this stone and its connected deity, to William's adorably romantic night with Taury, and that shocking revelation at the end! I mean, that is a gnarly and awesome cliffhanger! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

No recommendations for content! I would guess this chapter was special to write, because the vivid attention to detail and in-depth character interactions just really made it stand out. Especially given the context, where it feels like William is taking the opportunity to disconnect from the chaos he's been wrapped up in and appreciate the beauty of this region with Taury, and that was done extremely well -big props for that. Now, I did notice some very, very minor nitpicks along the way I would put here...

“You like saying that, don’t you.”


Just a missing question mark.

“Why do pixie’s names control them?”


Since it's both a plural and possessive, I think the apostrophe in "pixie's" should be at the end, "the pixies' names."

“N-nothjng important, I’m gonna go to breakfast now.”


Just a minor typo, there's a "j" where the "i" should be in "nothing."

That is all! Great writing job! ~

Why The Grin Widened...

First of all, the realization that the emerald stone is sentient was hilarious, between William thinking he's delusional and the deity teasing him and Taury once they meet with her. Taury's jealous reaction was hilarious, and I was also intrigued by the hints Arty was giving us, with the name of Taury's father and William's mother...

“Yes, that would be problematic. But there is only one in your lineage with more impact than Amelia, but I am not allowed to state his name.”


As if it wasn't a big enough surprise that Amelia could have had more power/influence than we thought, there's more?? Oooou...

Then magic imitating roots appeared and a chain stretching in a random direction was seen.


And this!! I can't lie, the magic collar of roots sounded super cool, but that really means William is Morgan's slave by technicality?! That's crazy, it sounds like there's even more to their situation than I thought!

“Because my name is secret enough that pixies would war at it being revealed, my father’s name is a secret big enough to set even Morgan on a warpath if it was revealed.”


This ominous scenario, and knowing the name of Taury's father is out there, adds even more to the idea that something could go terribly wrong in the imminent future...On top of the swarming demons.

Moving on to William and Taury's flight, you did an incredible job at describing the view of the forest, lake, and sky. Not only did the hints of magic to an already naturally gorgeous visual make it incredible, but William's feeling -that he feels so small from up there- and the sensory details just really put you in the moment. The same about descriptions goes for the forest, I love how you gave us a feel for the lifestyle with details like the frog, the friendly pixies, the cupids flying above, and even the succubus creeping around. It was a perfect blend of natural and whimsical elements.

And their moment by the lake, with Taury explaining how and why she trusts William with so much crucial information, was adorable and beautiful! I mean I'm not a great judge of romance arcs, but even I can tell that was very well done!

...Including the interruption by Simial, haha. And the next day, after Taury's very ominous dream, I thought this was a great line:

“Don’t be like Arthur, if something is too dangerous… survive. Please…”


It sounds like Taury revisiting her memories of Arthur, with this lake and having to retell the story, is making her afraid of the story -in a way- replaying itself through William, and it makes it not only easier to sympathize with her, but also speaks to the bond and faith she has with William.

And finally, that ending; Maven and Taury's prominent fear, followed by that one name...

“Mordred?”


Ah, how exciting and eerie!!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, that chapter was great, nicely done! :D

Image

I'm glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for the continuous corrections.

creeperfeverdreams wrote a review Review · May 7, 2024

Hello there, human! I’m reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the mutated S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - William and Taury find a magical stone that turns out to be a celestial being whom William calls “Arty”, William’s aura grows, and as it turns out, Morgan’s magic is enslaving William.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you may have meant to put an “i” in nothing when Cherry is confronted by William, but that’s just one little thing.

Chocolate Bar - I love how William and Taury’s love between each other is blossoming! They’ve grown close enough to trust and care for each other, and it’s really sweet to see. I also like the introduction of Arty, she seems like she’s going to be a fun character. You do have interesting characters in your stories, all unique in their own ways.

Closing Graham Cracker - William and Taury have come face-to-face with Mordred. For the time being, Mordred is drinking peacefully from a pond, but what will happen when he notices William and Taury? Who knows what he’ll do then?

I wish you an amazing day/night! :>



today we are possible.
— Lucille Clifton