March on little soldier
your war has just begun
put on your tin
helmet
and load your wooden gun
step in line
step in time
to the whine
of your enemies.
little solider gets a
knick in the shoulder
he falls back
and the ground
suddenly becomes colder.
step in line
step in time
to the moans
of your fallen
brethren.
march on little soldier
we haven't time to
waste
we have to replace you
so step into your grave.
step in line
step in time
to the cries of
your poor mother.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi, LUNARGIRL here with a review,
First off, great job on the poem, it had a very deep meaning, you also had a great choice of wording for your poem. One thing is, is that some parts of your poem rhyme, while others don't. That totally up to you though, so you don't have to listen to this because tons of poems are great without rhyming. You also had really good symbolism and imagery.
I really liked how you kept repeating this part, "step in line, step in time." And then you would add something else like, "to the whine, of your enemies." Or "to the moans, of your fallen brethren." And "to the cries of your poor mother."
Overall my favorite part was,
"march on little soldier
we haven't time to
waste
we have to replace you
so step into your grave."
It was sad, but it had emotion and power to it.
Great job overall, you are a great writer. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
The stanza you posted was my favorite too, and thank you for your kind words.
-ml
HI there, i'll be reviewing your poetry today.
First of all, really well done.
My only complaint would be you lack capitalization in the necessary places.
1. "step in line
step in time
to the moans
of your fallen
brethren." - here the sentence break between fallen and brethren is not needed.
Other than this really, it's very well done, i hope to see more of your work
Hey! Thanks for reviewing this piece! The lack of capitlization was a stylistic choice that I thought I might try.
Thanks again,
-ml
You welcome.
..that was meant for CyberGenji-
but okay, whatevs! ;D
Hi Minty leaf, Tanishka here for a quick review.
.
First things first, this is a very good piece. It has a deep meaning which can be perceived in many ways. One can see this in line with a soldier's life or maybe relate it with a normal human being. I liked your choice of words - quite elegant it is , i must say.
One thing i noticed is that the poem has no clear rhyme scheme but then ,it is totally upto you . Many of my poems do not have a rhyme scheme too. The poem has good visual imagery and symbolism ( i hope i am right).
The first stanza would be my favorite because it gives a very strong opening. The final stanza also provides a good close and i think you did justice with the poem as a whole.
All in all , it is a very good poem and i hope you post more of such wonderful pieces.
Tanishka
P.S- i hope i did not sound too grumpy
Ha! No, you don't sound grumpy at all! Thank you for your criticism, and I'm really glad you liked it.
Thanks and your welcome.