The door slammed shut behind me and I was left with the tight glances of my court, and sitting at the front, in a crushed velvet box seat was my father. Poseidon.
The man didn't look a day over six thousand. His dark hair was mused, like it had been swept up by the wind.
He looked like he'd spent the whole week in the sun- he was sporting a pretty nice tan.
His sea-glass eyes landed on my identical ones, and I felt my heart start to pound. He sported a grin and the wrinkles around his mouth started to show.
I was in trouble. The bang of a gavel snapped me back into reality and my vision snaps up to the Chief Justice, an old Merman with a thin, sinewy orange tail. He wore a powdered wig upon his head; his face was just as pale, and wrinkled. He sort of looked like a sun-faded raisin.
"King Andreus." His voice was soft and shaky. "You have asked to go on sabbatical to the surface with your daughter?"
"Yes, your Honor. I offered her the chance to go to the surface together. I only saw it right, considering her heritage." I rocked back and forth on my heels and stuck my hands in the messily-sewn pockets of my chiton.
"And you made her this promise?" Another member spoke, her face was drenched in distaste.
"I would not lie to my daughter." I told her petulantly. "Frankly, I do not understand why this is such a large problem. My daughter has shown interest in the human world, so why not grant her her gift?"
"And are you not worried," The Chief Justice banged his gavel again as buzzing rose over the room. "That the girl will want to stay in the human world?"
Damn it. It's a question that makes me actually have to think. I couldn't keep on giving the same answer I had given the others before.
"If my daughter will want to stay in the human world," I breathe. My dad looks at me, his face expressionless. I look back at the Justice, whose pale blue eyes are only magnified by his thick lensed spectacles. "Why should I deny her that dream? If I were to, that would only allow her to become rebellious and resentful of her home. I do not want that for my beautiful little girl, and I'm sure.." I look over at my dad. "Her grandfather would not want such a thing to happen, too."
The courtroom falls to a hush for a second, and then erupts into a cacophony of shouting. The Justice bangs his gavel over and over until snaps at the handle.
My father holds up a hand, and the hush falls over everyone immediately, me included.
I'm ushered out of the room by Aria, whose teeth are gritted in annoyance.
"Now you've done it." He hisses. "You've sealed your own exile from your own home."
"Ari, please." I pulled away and grinned. "They're suckers. They all sway like seaweed when my old man's in in the room, naturally."
"I don't..want you to go." Aria said softly. He looked me right in the eyes and cupped my cheeks in his smooth palms. "Andy..we..we had something, and you've just been..dismissing it."
For the second time in half an an hour, my blood runs cold. I pulled away and ran a hand through my hair. "This is not the place, nor the time, Aria." My tone was sharper than intended.
His face goes hard. "It's about the girl. It's always about the girl, never your kingdom, or I.." He whispers.
I opened my mouth to respond, when I saw my daughter run toward me from the opposite end of the hall, arms outstretched. I brought her into my arms and held her tightly.
She laughs and plants a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Aria frowned and flicked his tail; he was halfway down the hall with only a few angry jerks. A hand was clapped on my shoulder and I'm faced with my father, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt covered in mimosa sipping flamingos. It's nicely paired with some Cargo shorts and Birkenstocks.
I didn't know whether to laugh or compliment him. I chose the latter.
"Father, you..uh, look well." I offer him my hand, which he takes. His grip is strong and weathered.
"I was surprised at your quick thinking, boy." He said gruffly. "But I suppose it got you what you wanted." He snapped his fingers, and a duffel bag shows up in his hand. He tossed it to me and snickered when I stumbled back- the weight was just a bit too much for me to handle.
"Have a good trip. Send home pictures." He disappeared into a plume of smoke, and I knew that was all the fatherly love I was gonna get from him for at least another ten years.
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This is really good I love Greek stories and this is very good. I love how you said seaglass eyes, instead of seagreen eyes like all of the other stories I have read. I give this a 5 star rating. This chapter is very interesting i cant wait to see the next chapter. I read the first chapter and it was very interesting. I am a follower of yours. I also have not read any other things you have wrote but i am very excited to read them though. I love how you said, "The man didn't look a day over six thousand. His dark hair was mused, like it had been swept up by the wind." I don't know what mused means but i like how you described him because usually people do not do that. I am working on a story called "The Christmas Thief" And it is taking forever to produce the characters so look for that book I am aiming to put it out on Christmas Eve. And I really want to get Five Stars on it so I am trying my best to do it.
Hewwo! NastyMajesty poppin' in for a review. Let's just jump right into it.
Since these are merfolk... would they even technically have heels? I'M SORRY 🤣 It just seemed out of place xD. Also, I was also confused about that. So they can change from mer to human?Grows
Um okay so... *confusion*. You switched tenses SEVERAL times throughout the chapter and that really interrupted the flow. Also, did you switch from who's the point of view it was in at one point in the chapter?
Also, I noticed something lol:
This sentence just needs a bit of clearing up lol. Maybe try to separate them or do something like "Why not grant her that gift?"
Okay, um. What exactly just happened here? So we switch perspectives from the king's daughter to the king... correct?
Anyway, that's all I've got for the grows. I suggest doing a little proofreading to clarify the writing a bit more lol. Moving on to the glows!
Glows
I love how you made one of your main characters bi! unless I misinterpreted it. Did I? Also, as I mentioned in the comment on the previous chapter... I LOVE MER-RELATED STORIES LOL! You did an amazing job describing the characters like Overall, great job, just needs a bit of clarification in my opinion. I really loved this, can't wait for the next chapter! Keep writing!
The thing about Andreus, Aalia, and Poseidon is that they have human legs, and their court/most of the population are mer-people.
Yeah, I've been noticing the problem with tenses- I just have to reread my work before submitting it, LOL.
AND YES, ANDREUS IS VERY, VERY BI.
POSEIDON!? 0-0 DID I MISS SOMETHIN?
I guess.
Hey! Plume here, (again), with a review!!
I really like where you're going with this piece. It's so fun to see Andreus evolve throughout, as well as witness the introduction of new characters. You're building his character very nicely.
Also BI RIGHTS! Yes! As a bisexual, I love seeing bi characters in media!! It's so nice to feel represented.
That being said, I have a few critiques.
1) Tenses!! I said this on the prologue, but you have some major tense inconsistencies. You start off in the past tense, but then in sentences like
Later, you begin to do it every other paragraph. For example, you have one paragraph beginning with "I opened my mouth to respond" but then the next paragraph begins with "She laughs" which is in present tense. You need to make sure you have tense agreement, otherwise it's a pain to read and I'm pretty sure it's grammatically incorrect as well.
2) Some more specific things.
That should be "mussed."
Since it's the object of a sentence, 'I' should be 'me.'
Other than that, I didn't really find many mistakes. I really like the way this piece is shaping out! I'd love it if you could keep me posted on when you post more for it!! You're a great writer, and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Yeah, I was sort of planning to have Andreus be bi from the beginning. It just felt..right.
Thank you for this great critique!