fish flutter
in the water
flashing
pastel
fins.
i peek under
the great blue
wild.
and there i see
my fate.
a crown of pearls
on a bed of kelp.
i reach
but it's not
close enough.
the pearls
filter to sand
i guess
i'm not royalty.
i'm left in the hands
of amphitrite
as she lines
my driftwood
coffin
with emerald
green kelp.
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Canary word: Present
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey, there
This will be a short review.
This was really really great I must say. I envisioned it all, I found this very inspiring in a way. The reason being is that in my fantasy novel (I have been working on since I was fourteen) has many of the element you showcased.
A since of dread and fear, hope and eagerness. I felt it all. Very well put together poem I must say.
Great work, keep it up.👍
Heyoo!! Welcome to YWS and omg congrats on your SECOND star!
Overall I just adore the imagery you create in this piece and I could tell you really put thought into each word you included. Your writing style reminds me a little bit like William Carlos Williams in that it is very simplistic in word choice but that's what makes it amazing! Each word is there for a reason and they all add up to a wonderful poem.
There's something about the way you format your poem that takes the reader in and welcomes them into this underwater world. However, I notice some inconsistencies towards the end:
I'm not sure if this was intended to be spaced out like that or not but it feels like it interrupts the flow of the poem. Almost like when you slam on the brakes of a car lol but that's just my perspective which you can totally disregard!!
I really enjoy the alliteration in this part!
Okay this is my favorite part of the poem!! I could just paint the image in my head of Amphitrite cradling the coffin thats under the bed of seaweed and it is fantastic! I love how you touch base with a lot of the elements from the ocean.
All in all, I really enjoy your poem. In my perspective, I feel like it represents death in a way that is calming and almost like a release in a way. Back to how the poem is formatted, it feels like we are descending to the ocean floor finally at peace with death. Beautiful.
Keep it up!!
-cactuslily
forgot to submit it as a review LOL disregard this >.<
but aa love your poem nonetheless!!