diamond horses
sit on grandmere's
shelf
perfectly sculpted
into blocky angles
i reached up a hand
and grabbed
a stallion
with rubies
for eyes.
i dropped it,
my tiny fingers
failed to hold on.
and i watched
the thing
splinter into
pieces of heaven
along with the light in
grandmere's
eyes.
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140,273 Literary Works • 673,078 Reviews
Hello I am here to review this.
Okay, this has nothing to do with the poem you wrote but you’ve written more reviews on your first day than I have in months LOL anyway
I liked how this poem told a story, it was a simple story which means there are many metaphors and meanings that can be applied to this. I’m sure if I were reading this in an English class my teacher would ask: what do you think the stallion represents?
As for critique:
This is just a personal opinion, but I feel like this poem would be more dramatic if you used capitalization. Not having capitalization made it feel more mellow if that makes sense?
My last bit of critique is more of a question: Is grandmere another way to say grandmother? I’ve never heard it said that way before, so sorry if this is a dumb question
That’s really it. Welcome to yws, and I hope you enjoy it here
Hi! Welcome to YWS (and congrats on your first review star, whoa you're on a roll for your first day)! Maryah here popping in for a review, nice to meetcha! I didn't really find any mistakes other than your capitalization (which I know some writers do on purpose) so good job! I'm just gonna go over some of my favorite parts lol.
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I love this description! I can totally picture the figurine in my mind. Oh nooooo! I can't even tell you how many times this has happened to me! D: Question, did the grandmother die? Or did I misinterpret it lol? If so, even bigger Oh no! Anyways, I really liked your poem. Keep writing!Glows[
I really like this poem, it's super creative and realistic (something I would totally do
Ha! No, she didn't die. She was super upset that her granddaughter dropped her expensive horse figurine, naturally.
Thanks for your great review!
-ml
Oh, of course, that makes more sense lol. You're welcome!