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smudge

by izzywidgeon


my past is muddled

in ink black pictures
misconstrued features
but charming words
they spoke
i suppose

i look forwards now,
and only see the same. 


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117 Reviews


Points: 11681
Reviews: 117

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Mon Nov 09, 2020 2:43 pm
LUNARGIRL says...



First off, really nice job on the poem. I enjoyed the idea that the speaker has no idea about their past. That they are only able to describe their memories as "ink black pictures" and "misconstrued features". That since they do not remember a single thing of the past, all they can do now is look towards the future. The thing is though, now when the speaker starts to look forward they have the same problem.

I think it would be really great if you elaborated, and went deeper into the poem because this is something you could really dig deep on. You could describe in different words what it looks like when they try to look forwards. What about their past is muddled, all of it, some of it? I think these are questions you could dive deeper into, but that's just my personal oppion, so you don't have to listen to it.

Overall you did a really good job it, I loved how you conveyed everything, but you could dig a little into it though. Can't' wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL




User avatar
117 Reviews


Points: 11681
Reviews: 117

Donate
Mon Nov 09, 2020 2:43 pm
LUNARGIRL wrote a review...



First off, really nice job on the poem. I enjoyed the idea that the speaker has no idea about their past. That they are only able to describe their memories as "ink black pictures" and "misconstrued features". That since they do not remember a single thing of the past, all they can do now is look towards the future. The thing is though, now when the speaker starts to look forward they have the same problem.

I think it would be really great if you elaborated, and went deeper into the poem because this is something you could really dig deep on. You could describe in different words what it looks like when they try to look forwards. What about their past is muddled, all of it, some of it? I think these are questions you could dive deeper into, but that's just my personal oppion, so you don't have to listen to it.

Overall you did a really good job it, I loved how you conveyed everything, but you could dig a little into it though. Can't' wait to read what you write next!

Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL




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26 Reviews


Points: 1188
Reviews: 26

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Sun Nov 08, 2020 3:26 am
penngreen4776 wrote a review...



Oooh! Hiya, I'm penn!

Short, sweet, and ladies might love it! I know I do, and I'm not even a lady! I like how, despite the fact that the speaker has no real idea of what their past is, only being able to describe it as muddled yet charming, they still have hope for the future by seeing it as muddled, yet charming.

It could be expanded upon, maybe really drive home the idea that even a forgotten past can live to a brighter future, or simply throw more hope on there like this is a Star Wars movie, but it might be best to leave it like this. It's a nice message, even if I'm looking at it too hard.

Two thumbs up!




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Points: 200
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Sun Nov 08, 2020 1:29 am
Emmadawn675 says...



i absolutely love this poem! super short and sweet. my advice would be to run with it a little more! i really relate to this i really do love it.





It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
— Mark Twain