heaven-sent vines

Hey there herbgirl, I'm dramamine and I guess this is part where I start my review (I'm a bit rusty so I apologize if my review makes no sense)

First off let me say that I loved this poem. It's short but beautiful and meaningful. Also, I would have to disagree with the previous review below in the criticism of capitalization. I personally think that the use of only lower-case letter works well in this poem but I may be a bit biased because I mainly use lower-case letters in my poems.

Furthermore, I liked how you used nature, plant or garden themed metaphors throughout the poem. It really serves to hold the piece together as a whole.

Your words are personal but are also something I and others can relate to. Once again, I cannot stress enough how much I love this poem. Have a great day and never stop writing

I get the personal application of this very well. Since you asked merely for criticism, the only issues I see right away is maybe using capitalization and a use of commas.

"hatred has blossomed deep inside me
like a heaven-sent vine"

I get the meaning of this well but I was a little thrown off personally by the words hatred and heaven-sent seeming contradictory to one another in the way they were used. Of course this is just my opinion however.

What I did enjoy was the imagery of what started as hatred growing and changing into different emotions over time.

Great work and have a great day! ^-^

Heyo! As you know, I don't normally review poems that don't rhyme, but I really loved this one so I thought I'd make an exception.

The first and second line are very good, and I like the desperate, bitter tone that is set right off the bat, and I like the way they flow into each other.

For the third and fourth line I'd say that it doesn't flow as one nice sentence like the first two, but I think you can fix that if you just add "and" after "of my organs".

For the eighth line, "but I say", I would advise using a different word that "say" because it sounds a little bland after being used in the fifth line. Perhaps just use "think"? Ask, I adore the little change in mood here as the tone becomes a bit more hopeful, but I think you can make it pop out a little more if you add a period after "spreads", the "but I say" will be even more dramatic that way.

Maybe add an "and" after "longer" in line ninth line for the same reason as before; so is one sentence. FLOW remember?

"Into something close to beautiful" -I ADORE this line and I think it's such a wonderful way to end the poem, especially as it is such a change to the moody way the poem of originally started. And saying "close to beautiful" instead of just "beautiful" was such a good choice.

Anyways, I hope I was helpful and that you can use my advice. It's wonderful even without my editing though. Keep writing!

Hello @herbgirl,

Oooh, I loved this. It felt so moody, and dark, and absorbing. Do you write anything terrible?! I'm beginning to sound like a broken record when reviewing your works.

Firstly, I must congratulate you on your rhythm sequence. It is fierce, and moves nicely despite its unusual structure.

The imagery of this hatred like a vine was strong, and I was intrigued by the idea that it was 'heaven-sent'. We don't often realize that gifts can come from unusual or ugly packages, and that passion is both a blessing and a curse.

We are all of many personas, and I understood your message, here, primarily as an actor. Actors are notorious for being so saturated with self hatred that they can only find release in immersing/losing themselves in other people (I.e. characters). This is common knowledge. But I have personally felt that as destructive as that self loathing is, what comes of it is often magical. Would Marlon Brando have been as incredible as he was if his father hadn't hated him? Would Marilyn Monroe have been as enigmatic on the screen if she hadn't been so painfully insecure?

Your message, I gathered, was that pain has the potential to breed beauty. I thought this was quite profound.

I have no grammtical issues to point out (except for the single period after 'appetite'? A typo perhaps?), and nothing but praise for this piece.

I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your work, herbgirl, and if I can help you with anything, feel free to drop me a PM.

Hope you have a great day.

-mav


Mavis Knightley
www.mavisknightley.weebly.com