i wish people listened
when i cry
but i am often drowned out
by the television
pray for me o god
pray for me to the one you reach out to
the person you ask for guidance
when you feel lost
pray
pray
pray
and maybe
somebody will finally hear our tears
or maybe
they'll just keep one falling
plopping down down down
into the stained
carpet
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
First of all, I want to say that I really liked this poem because I feel the same way a lot of the time. At home, I'm listened to, but at school, when I cry, people call me 'sensitive' or tell me to calm down. I'm happy that you've said what needs to be said: people need to be listened to more.
I also liked how this was quite short and snappy as it meant that I could stick with it and feel the connection the whole way through.
I really liked the repeated use of the words "pray" and "down". It really made the emotion stand out a lot more, and I think the way you didn't use punctuation and capitals surprisingly made it better. For whatever reason, the fact that you didn't stick to the technical stuff just conveyed it a lot more for me.
Well done, and keep writing. I hope people listen to you in the future.
I feel the intention of the poet: to be able to convey his/her sentiment towards life, a cry for help. I sense some potential and even the mood and pacing of the poem is somehow well-set. However, I have some issues on how you discard proper capitalization and punctuation. I'm not saying that it's bad. It is bad if and only if the reason for not observing proper capitalization and punctuation means nothing to the message.