Young Writers Society

Hello Herbgirl! LadyShadows here for a review!

I loved the format of this poem. When you compared Ohio with Popsicles, it fit really well. it's like I can actually see the shape of the drip! speaking of popsicles and Ohio, the comparison went really well, as you were describing the summer. Even without the title I'd be able to know what's going on. And for such a short poem, there is a strong metaphor and description. Great job! However I'd like to say that there may have been some punctuation needed. I'll show you:

Summer in Ohio

is like

watching popsicles melt.

drip,

drip,

dripping

through sticky

fingers

until

suddenly

it's

all

gone.

Ohio should have definitely been capitalized, as even in poetry punctuation is a thing. But other than this, I am only giving an assumption as how punctuation should go. I'm really not familiar with this style. Also, I do wish this was longer. I like this.

In other notes with this, I can really relate to this, as I live in Ohio. So this is definitely something that calls to me! Have a really good day herbgirl and keep writing!

I love this! The extended metaphor, the creative layout, everything about this poem is original and almost minimalistic but still layered. It's definitely relatable to so many people and can be interpreted in a number of ways; the only really set feeling I get from this poem is one of melancholy or angst, but not in a melodramatic way. You've perfectly captured the essence of youthful summer break and its fleetingness. Way to go!

Hey, Ely here with a review!

I really liked this, I thought it was pretty good! I would have to second clogs's comment about going in depth with this. Ohio is a very broad topic and talking about the heat isn't a lot. Sticking to that one thing about Ohio was kind of a missed opportunity, but hey, you can always add more.

Personally what draws me into this is the formatting and I love the use of figurative language with the onomatopoeia and the big metaphor with this. Your ending is okay, but you could have worded it in a different way to something like this.

until gradually,
it becomes a meaningless nothing

You certainly seem to have attracted all the Ohio people, haha.

This was quite a nice poem. I think the structure was interesting and well-executed, and the metaphor with the popsicle was summery and fit the theme. It brings to mind sweaty summer days, and how they're over so quickly.

I can definitely relate to this, which in a way, is something to work on. The poem is about summer in Ohio, yet there's nothing that really makes this specific to Ohio. With something as broad as a season, it's hard to narrow it down to something that only happens in that state without mentioning specific locations, but I feel like there's a little more you could do. You could find just a little something that will click with people from Ohio. I'm not sure what that might be, but it's something to think about. Being from NC, I might put in something stereotypical about barbecues or Cheerwine or something.

I also feel like you could play off the imagery with the popsicle more. There are lots of vibrant popsicle colors and flavors that could add just a splash of color to this poem, even if you just add one or two words about the sticky fingers being a certain color, or the popsicle staining someone's tongue. You don't want to be too wordy and ruin the simplicity, though.

This is definitely one of my shorter reviews, but I just don't have much to say about this. I don't feel like there's some deeper meaning- it's just the simplicity of summer. Well done, and I hope this itty bitty review was helpful to you!

O-H-I-O! Not only did the title catch my attention, but the minute i saw this poem, I was like Whoa! This is a very creative poem! The set up of it isnt the traditional stanza's, which is very creative! I found this poem very intresting. My favorite part:

summer in ohio

is like

watching popsicles

melt

drip

drip

dripping

Ohio pride! I'm afraid I can't review this, only because I cannot do poetry. Sorry,