i learned a
long
long
time ago
people
feel more comfortable
when feelings are
nonexistent
so
i learned to hide them
with the knife that I use
to trace my pale blue veins
in the back of my sock drawer
i learned to hide them
with the mirror that I used
to cry at
inside my closet
i learned
peace
is a matter of losing yourself
so
i kissed my soul goodbye
and sailed up the river styx
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey Dogs here to review!
So I really loved this poem, it was very dramatic to me.
I just have a couple of nitpicks, so we'll start with those small little errors, that can be correct easily.
Nitpicks:
1) I'm not exactly sure if you did this on purpose or if it was by accident, but when writing you are supposed to capitalize all the i's. You didn't, so you should go back and capitalize those.
That's the only error I found.
Now on to the good part of my review!
My favorite parts of the poem!
1) The meaning: Your poem to me has a good meaning as well as detail and drama. I feel as if this is a very emotional poem. Great work!
2) The end: The end was beautiful, and so emotional!
3) The title: The title is what drew me in to read this poem, and I'm really glad I read it. Your have an amazing title.
Overall your whole poem, was amazing! I really loved it!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
P.S. Sorry this review was so short! <3
Hey! Just wanted to clarify, I didn't capitalize on purpose. I'm doing a series of poems with non-traditional formatting, and none of them have capitalization, sort of as an homage to e e cummings. I was actually going to write a poem explaining why I don't capitalize my name of the "i"s in some of my poems, but it just hasn't happened yet. XD Anyways, thanks for the review!
Alright thanks for telling me. Sorry I counted that as a nitpick, I didn't know! Anyway no problem with the review! Talk to you later!
~Dogs
Hey, herbgirl! I see you a lot in the People Tab but this is the first time I'm reading something of yours, also intending to leave it one of the dumb reviews that I write!
First of all, get it clear, I loved it! I've been told recently by a mentor that, if you want to really connect with someone, tell them a story, made them feel what you're feeling. You may stumble upon words and not be that fluent and smart but if you know and can make them feel, you'll win their heart and they'll always remember the stories. Now, while telling a story, it's very important to let others connect with it. Everything we write are stories themselves, including poetry (At least, that's what I feel) and I loved your poem mainly because I could relate to it, incredibly relate to it. :')
What you've said is true. Feelings sometimes and often make things harder than they really are. And, people, especially introverts who aren't very good at expressing themselves, suffer hard from it. Like, they can't express it in the first place and when they do, most of time they end up regretting. Haha, speaking from personal experience, never mind. So, many of us do bury our feelings and roboticize ourselves, hah -sigh-
I loved the line, "Peace is a matter of losing yourself" ^^ and also yes, in the first line, (Or, should I say one of the first lines) you wrote, "I learned a long long time ago" something's missing there, I feel. Can be the word "Something" itself.
And, the format is quite different, well done. Keep up the good work. Best of luck!