Hello everyone. First of all THANK YOU for taking out the time to read this! I know the poem probably has things that could be improved. So please help me out. Your comments are highly appreciated.
NO MORE
No more fear from the dark
No more chains to keep me bound
No more searching for the light
I am going to stand my ground
No more avoiding the dark alleys
No more running away from the shadows
No more hiding under the cloud
I am going to look out the window
Fear won’t dare to approach me
Courage is my new best friend
Nothing is going to pull me down
No more fear of the end
Opportunities flocking around me
To me, success will be addressed
Going up to never come down
No more wondering if others are impressed
Smiling through even the tough times
Happiness is the trend I will set
Laughter on every page of life
No more nights of feeling upset
My life is only mine to choose
No one can ever make me bend
Destinies were once unwritten
But mine, I have penned
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
Hello
I liked this poem a lot and I'll make a few suggestions that I think would improve the flow of your poem before I focus on its content:
I feel like this line has a lot of weight to it and merits a period at the end of it. ("I am going to stand my ground.") A period would separate it and prevent it from simply getting lost in the flow of the poem.
This line just doesn't have the oomph factor (I know that sounds dumb) like the other line does. Why are you looking out a window? It doesn't seem quite as significant as standing your ground.
You could split this poem up into stanzas if you wanted, since there are various points throughout the poem where there should be a pause to emphasize tone. Like the first line I pointed out, saying you should put a period at the end of it.
I like the ending and the overall theme of the poem. I has an uplifting,encouraging message
Hey!!
Looks like the speaker is waking up from his/her illusion life o fear and is now determined to face the world with an optimistic perspective. YAY!! This is a pleasant poem because it evolves around a character which has turned a new leaf. It is quite interesting to look from the speaker's perspective and observe his changes.
This poem is in itself realistic since nearly everyone gets the urge to begin a new way of living at a point in his life. In this poem one is experiencing the determination of the moment to start over with the aim of having a better life. This determination is experienced by most of the people who challenge themselves to something new however, it must be stated that usually most of these people loose their main goals as time passes resulting them in failure.
Mistakes: There was just one verse which I didn't like, 'No more searching for the light'. Light is symbolic for power, happiness and joy. These are the things that the speaker seems to be searching . Thus, in this verse you seem to be controverting yourself.
Overall: I can truly say that on the whole you wrote an excellent poem which is coherent to one's life. In fact one could easily relate to it when taking up a new challenge. SO, keep it up. Good job!!
-From me
This is a really great optimistic poem, something different. I like how you are determined to take control of your life and live it to the fullest!
The Messenger Knight here to review your work for KotGR. Let's see what you got.
. . . I really don't think the shadows and window rhymes well at all. I would really consider some revision work. It is up to you.
That is the only error like that which I spotted. But you have no punctuation except for one comma at the end. I know you don't have to use it, but punctuation would make this poem look sharper in my mind.
I loved the meagerness you were trying to get across, and although won't always feel like this, it's a very good mentality to have. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this work of art. I think maybe dividing this into one or two more stanzas would help, although some of the time having it all together read better.
Keep it up!
I really enjoyed this, I think this a well written work of art. I've actually been their, several times and because of it know I feel just like you described in your poem. I absolutely think you captured the voice of a strong, independent person who will not let others get in her way. It was exactly written wonderful job. I feel as if it was overcoming, and it made me think twice about what people s thought do to me Thanks for writing