Unrequited

Hi there, Harshita.

I'll be honest with you because it's a similar lesson I had to learn when I started writing poetry about the same time as you now, three years ago. This is very words for words' sake. Sure, there's emotion because, after all, love is mostly a spilling out of uncontrollable emotions - and we don't understand it so repeat the cliches. There is creativity in your rhyme scheme, but the 'ocean' and 'emotion' and such like just seem a little too much, a little too forced.

But don't fret! This is easily fixed, it's just a practice of stepping back and thinking: right, what images am I trying to create? Here, I've done it for you:

1) the whole poetic, aesthetic, relic thing (I get it was mostly there for rhyme, but let's run with it) paints up pictures of an old, tired love, romanticised by thoughts and, in physicality, is something beautiful. So why not, instead of being explicitly "poetic", paint the picture of an aging love, something once beautiful, but (as it is unrequited) is not any longer. For example:

My love, once pretty - once beautiful,
painted by a painter with every care in the world,
now sits in a gallery,
hangs sullen by a heavy mahogany frame
and gathers dust;
a mere relic on the wall.

See what I mean: these words are showing us the emotions your feeling - it's not great because I wrote this out of the blue and also, this is YOUR feelings so you need to make it your own. But do you see what I'm doing? We take the feelings you're saying here, take out words for words' sake and paint a picture, almost as if you're trying to explain to yourself how you're feeling... it makes for much more wonderful poetry!

2) Next you talk about it being a light and a warmth - so here we're talking about comfort and guidance (most likely as you reference "fright", but again this seems there for rhyme's sake), or perhaps a distraction you're fixated on. Either way, you could develop this into some beautiful imagery!

3) Your next image is of how deep but unspoken your love is. Now I like how direct this part is but it loses its aim because its weighted down by your ocean/drenched metaphor. Why not just say as is... for example:

My unspoken love
running through every tendon, every nerve
from my core
is wrapped in silence
hidden from your eyes.

Again, it's a blergh draft, but you get the point - right?

4) Next we have the great image of what love does to everyone: confuses, breaks and saddens but addicts us and keeps us coming back for now. Here you could use a drug metaphor or something closer to your own personal experiences that way you lose the over explanative "yet" and also delete the cliche "heart wrecking" verb phrase.

5) Finally you have the idea of hope. This is a universally human thing and you can say it or show it, as we're nearing the end of your poem. I would - if you're going to say it - just be completely to the point, for example ending with simply:

Nothing. You give nothing.
But every second I hope.

I would definitely advise getting rid of the 'Unrequited. / Unwanted. / Unanswered., / Is my love.' ending because you've used incorrect double punctuation and also, when you hammer something home like this the reader doesn't enjoy it! It's that old rule: show don't tell, but I prefer it to say: show most, tell here and there, but whatever you do, don't get the hammer out!

I hope this helps and do ask questions if you have any.
Best
Ben

Hey there, friend! It's Kekai, here to review. First of all, love is one of those concepts I usually steer clear of, so I was pleasantly surprised when I clicked on this and got a really enjoyable poem. Your rhyme scheme is wonderfully innocent, and I feel like I can really hear the voice of the narrator. You have a very clear theme and voice, and that's really important in a poem about love.
"Deep as the ocean,/Drenched through the emotion,/But silent, always unspoken,/Is my love." From this point on, your rhyme scheme gets more murky and heavy-handed. I would definitely read from there on to improve phrasing. For example, what I would do with this verse is this:
"Deep as the ocean,/Drenched with emotion/But silent, unspoken,/Is my love." It flows a bit better, right? Keep that in mind as you edit. You don't need as many words in this poem as you are reading.
In all though, this is fantastic! Keep up the great work! Thanks for writing!