I Wanted

Finally! Here comes that promised review!!

I wanted to be happy

I wanted to let things be

I wanted you to be around

I wanted you with me

I wanted to feel loved

I wanted it forever

I wanted to write a story

I wanted us to do it together

Amazing start! I love how you changed it up, so you think we might be talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend but then you mention writing and it's back to square 1!

I wanted you to hold me

And tell me our love would last

I wanted it to be always

I didn't want it to become the past
*cries softly*
This is *sniff* so *sniff* heartfelt. *sniff* I want to stop reading...BUT I CAN'T!!! You're just that amazing!

I wanted everything perfect

I wanted the things old and new

I wanted the stuff of the fairytales

I wanted it with you
No, seriously...I'm going to cry...Never read this when you're emotions are already going crazy..

I wanted you to love me

Day and night through

So I could tell the wind to tell you

that 'I Love You, Too'

Have I said that you are an amazing author? Because you really are...



I wanted your arms around me

I wanted your protection

I wanted you to bathe me

With all of your affection
I love this stanza so much. For me, it just makes it so real.



I wanted it then

I want it now

I never wanted it to end

I never wanted to bow out.
This is a great way to end. Still much more heartfelt than most of the stuff I read. Overall, this was and is probably one of the best YWS poems I've read. And that's saying a lot. Keep writing!

-FCS

Hey Everyone. Firstly thank you all so much for the reviews! You guys have successfully made me feel genuinely happy after a long time. Many of you have pointed out the thing with the first few lines. It was supposed to divided into two stanzas. I somehow forgot to break it up.
Thanks for taking the time to review it!
Harshita

No, you can't improve this Harshita,according to me. It's lovely. It matches with my life precisely. Flawlessly said what every girl wants in romance, this is a fave of mine.

"I wanted your arms around me

I wanted your protection

I wanted you to bathe me

With all of your affection"
These lines actually made tears come into my eyes. Can you understand what just happened? Yeah, you made me cry. Doing that through a poem isn't easy girl. You've got a talent.

This is really beautiful.

I find it really relatable to my life right now, as well.

I only noticed a couple things worth pointing out.

First off, I agree with nicholas42 in saying that I feel the first stanza should be separated into 4 lines to match the rest of the poem.

And the last line:
"I never wanted to bow out."
I feel like this kind of breaks the flow of the poem at the last second.
It almost sounds like a struggle to make a rhyme:
"I want it now. I never wanted it to end. I never wanted to bow...out." I'm not sure what to replace that with, but that's just how I felt about it.

Overall, this is a lovely poem. 8/10 in my opinion.
If you have the time, I'd appreciate some reviews on my work.

Let me start off by saying, this is a very unique poem.

I really like the simplicity of it. The poem wastes no time and dives right into the subject at hand, which is that of desire. I am very fond of the repetition you use in the poem, it gives the piece a sense of order and structure, although I must ask if this is a personal poem?

If it is then you really gave me, as a reader, an enormous insight to your deepest desires and you perfectly described the feeling of wanting to be loved by someone, who obviously, may not love you in return anymore.

If I feel any problem with the poem, it's that I feel it could have been shorter, you explain perfectly the poem in the first few lines;

"I wanted to be happy

I wanted to let things be

I wanted you to be around

I wanted you with me

I wanted to feel loved

I wanted it forever

I wanted to write a story

I wanted us to do it together"

So I feel like trying to stretch out the feelings of what you were describing, might have been a good idea for maybe 2 stanzas, but the extra three stanzas felt a small bit unnecessary.

Overall though, the poem itself is good and I wish to read more from you.

8/10

Hey there hopeless here to give you a review.

So I would like to start out by saying that this is a good poem, though you could have worded it better in my opinion. Your grammer is ok and could be better with the spaceing. To me it kind of seemed rushed, your spelling is good. This is a very interesting story and still is very good to me but in my opinion it could be better. You could add and take away things in it to make it longer and tell more about it. Over all it was a really good Poem.

Keep writing and stay beautiful!

-Sara belle

Hey Harshita,
Wow. This was amazing! Probably one of the only things I can say is that I noticed that in the fourth stanza you didn't capitalize the t in that, but you did in every other stanza. Other than that, this was an amazing piece of literature. I might to a legit review later. I'm at school, but I just wanted to say that this is amazing.
Keep writing!

-FCS

Hey Harshita,

I think you did a really good job with this first of all. As someone who focuses on structure, though, there are a couple things that stand out to me. For one, I wonder if the first stanza should be separated into 4 lines each to match the rest of the poem. It's mostly for aesthetics, but it might also make it a little easier to read and the whole flow will be a bit more smooth. Also, repetition is an effective tool, but in this case since the only thing being repeated is "I wanted," and that is the title of the poem, I think it should be rewritten so as to omit those two words from the majority of the poem. Anyway, that's just a personal opinion. Between you and me, reviews are never something I really pay attention to unless they point out something absolutely horrible I've done. Even then, I remain pretty stubborn.

That's all for now, feel free to check out my page if you get the chance.

Happy Writing!

- Nick

Hey Harshita, Viv here. I just read Begging for Liberation and I have to say the mood just did a 180. Both poems seem connected to me so I really want to know what it is that they mean to you. They were good and I see no mistakes, but the phrase "bow out". What did you mean by that? Is this the same guy?