I remember that night
Clear as crystal,
First time that you ever
Appeared in my life.
Maybe you felt my gaze
'Cause your head turned around.
The moment your eyes met mine
The urgenecy flashed bright.
Volim te*
Yoy took a hesitant step,
That brought you a little closer.
I willed you to come ahead
And made a move too.
When you saw my move
And saw the longing in them,
The hesitation all vanished
And you quickened your pace.
As the distance between us decreased
The intensity of my feelings increased.
Je t'aime*
Fi nak\lly we reached,
The distances all gone.
Just stood there silently,
Taking in each other.
You reached for my hand,
And took it into yours.
My heart seemed to beat faster
As it broke into a sprint.
It surprised me to silence
how I'd never met you before,
Ironic that a stranger,
Should feel like my other half.
Ego amare*
I felt the need to speak
At least tell you who I was,
But introductions seemed pointless;
I seemed to know you already.
I'd always been a chatterbox,
Speaking more than necessary.
But now my mouth was shut,
The conversation was by the eyes.
Te quiero*
Barely ten minutes had passed
Since I'd first looked at you,
But it seemed for an eternity
I had known you.
You pulled me closer
And wrapped your eyes around me,
I closed my eyes and leaned in
Wanting to stay there forever.
Te amo*
Our silence was all that spoke,
No movement except our breathing.
Just being there with you,
Became my defenition of heaven.
As i felt you pull away,
And looked up with alarm,
But you didn't let go of me
I never wanted that to happen.
You just looked into my eyes again
And gave a smile that stopped my heart.
I saw your mouth open,
And felt you take a breath.
Something nudged me from inside
And told me the need of the moment.
I took a breath too,
And spoke the words out loud.
We said them together
"I love you".
Hey guys...!! So the words with the '*' are 'I love you' in different languages... 'Volim te' is Croatian, 'Ego amare' is 'Latin', 'Je t'aime' is French, 'Te quiero' is Spanish and 'Te amo' is Italian... This title's just a make-do....so please suggest some titles... Hope you liked the poem... Please let me know if you have any suggestions at all...And guys please review!! Please!!!
Hello.
This is a nice poem you have written. I am not going to go into anything regarding theme today, but I do have some general critiques to make.
First off, I noticed that there are a few noticeable typos in it. In the second stanza you have
"Yoy took a hesitant step" where you probably meant "you".
In the third stanza you have
"Fi nak\lly we reached" where you probably meant "finally".
In the sixth stanza you have
"Just bieng there with you" where you probably meant "being".
In the fifth line in the same stanza as above, you forgot to capitalize and "I".
I also noticed that there wasn't any clear rhythm. It doesn't really flow at all, and it begins to make one feel like they're reading prose instead of the pretty poetry that is has so much potential for being.
That being said, I really liked the use of different languages... It gave the poem such a nice touch!
I hope that was helpful
Joyce
I just noticed that I wrote the word "and" where I meant "an". There's nothing worse than correcting someone else's typos when you realized that you have made your own. It makes one feel a tad hypocritical, doesn't it?
Thanks so much! I've made the changes....Thanks so much..and I'll try to fix up the rhythm thing....!!
Harshita:)
Beautiful. Simply Beautiful.