Hey everyone. We are covering poetry at the moment in English and we had to write a poem inspired by "The Scream" by Edvard Munch. Just wanted to share, hope you like it!
***
A man
abandoned; locked in his fate like a cage.
Doom possessing him under the bleeding sky.
His scream piercing the void of night.
The sky pressing ever closer –
the impossible reality gluing
his thin hands to his face.
The night finally crumbling around him.
Trapping his terror as he is reduced
to dust.
***
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Hello!
So I'm going to give this a review based on the poem, so sorry if I advise you to do something that's not what you were supposed to do in your assignment.
First of all, can I just say that I love that painting, and I love that you credited it and even gave the year.
So this poem is really good for just describing what you see in the painting. If that was your assignment: great job! A+
I especially like your use of vivid imagery and figurative language.
However, I think you could have gone a lot further in this. It's easy to just describe what you see. What's not so easy is to give a backstory. WHY does the man feel this way? What does he see? Why is the sky bleeding?
I think the most important question though is the first. And the second question might help you answer. He's screaming because of an impossible reality and terror and doom. But what's making him feel this? Did he get an F on a test? Did he look in the mirror and discover how ugly he is? Did his girlfriend announce that she was pregnant? Did he remember he left the stove on at home? Did he forget there was homework?
Or is it deeper than that?
Did he just realize his existence is meaningless?
I would like to know! That is always the question I ask when I see that painting (I have obviously been asking this question a long time.)
I think including the answer to that question would give the poem more depth. And if you choose one of those funnier answers, it would make this poem humorous, if you pull it off right. You might not want that though. Why do YOU think he's doing that? Put it in! Make it work!
Now just a few more minor things.
This doesn't make much sense without that backstory. What is his fate?
It also is cliche. I'd reword it if I were you.
See comment about last quoted passage.
again, see as before.
I also think the last stanza is a little bit cliche, though I understand where you're coming from. It DOES look like the world is falling apart in that painting. Maybe just take a second look.
Anyway, it was an enjoyable read!
good job, keep writing!
~fortis
Thanks! I was picturing his world falling apart either the world really falling apart or just in his head. Sorry it didn't have more information but we could only do 9-12 lines, and we had to include certain poetic techniques and I had forgotten to add a simile which is why I added "like a cage." I know it's clique but I realised I forgot a simile with 5 minutes left of the lesson and it was the only thing that I could think of that meant I didn't need to change much. We had to be as dramatic as possible so some is a little clique I the last stanza. I'm thinking of writing another version of the poem that's longer so I can do what I wish with it without time restrictions and rules. Thanks for the review!
Hey gia2505.
Your poem gave me chills, but thats agood thing. I like how you interpreted "The Scream". Your poem really undertakes the painting and brings out the pain in it. I really liked your poem, i hope you'll keep writhing. Good luck.
Thanks.
I love that movie actually, such an interesting one and I'm happy that you have written a short poem based on it. The way you used your words and expressed your thoughts through the poem on "The Scream" is really good.
The starting of the poem itself is really wonderful:
"A man
abandoned; locked in his fate like a cage.
Doom possessing him under the bleeding sky. "
I am so much attracted to the last stanza of your poem
"The night finally crumbling around him.
Trapping his terror as he is reduced
to dust. "
Overall loved reading your poem. Please keep writing.
Thanks! Glad you liked it!