When we protest for lost black lives
You say, “All Lives Matter!”
But what about those that you despise?
How does that fit on your platter?
What about the LGBT
Whose rights are vanishing?
Thrown out and bruised inside and out
Is that what you were planning?
How about the immigrants
Who came from far away
Just to live a better life
Only to be thrown in a cage to stay?
What about countless others
Who you think are badder?
Don’t just cherry-pick and choose
Which lives you think should matter.
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Ahoy hoy,
I don't really have much to say on this poem since (1) I'm not very good at reviewing poems, and (2) this is already perfect, so this is going to be short and sweet.
The only criticism I have is the word choice of "badder" which, though it fits into the rhyme scheme, it takes away some of the poem's impact as it's such a simple word and not often seen in serious works, if you get what I'm trying to say.
Asides from this, the rhyme scheme is also a little wonky in places but it isn't glaringly wrong (at least to me).
Either way, please don't take my comments to heart and do know that I love this poem and the message you are putting forwards.
Have a nice day,
- H.G
Thanks for the review, H.G! It was really the only word I could think of that would fit with the rhyming scheme, so yeah!
I really love this poem. I'm glad you wrote it!
Thank you!
hey galaxygem,
i am here with a review
i really loved how you have shown and emphasised that all lives matter even if we have different race colours
"When we protest for lost black lives
You say, “All Lives Matter!”
it clearly is saying that we tend to forget that there is another race that we dont include when we say all lives matter
Thank you! Yes, that was the goal, to show the hypocrisy of the All Lives Matter people.
Heya galaxygem,
Shady here with a review for your lovely poem! I generally go from specific comments to broad. Let's get started...
I honestly don't love the repetition of the word "out" twice in this single line. I think it probably works better in the second instance since bruised inside and out gives a very poignant mental image of LGBT+ people being both physically assaulted and emotionally abused, so I'd suggest looking for another word for "thrown out" or even something like "thrown from families" or something like that? To really make it hit home what you're talking about when you say thrown out to begin with.
This line is a little clunky. I don't really have suggestions for how to cut down on that, but I think it would benefit from a bit of workshopping to cut down on the number of words/syllables in this line.
I really love these two lines! Hands down my favorite part of this poem! I think you did a really great job of setting up this poem and building up to this point, which, honestly, is the crux of the matter.
This is a really nice poem that sums up the hypocrisy of the All Lives Matter crew and I really enjoyed reading it! Really important and hard topic that you handled really well, and made a nice poem that I enjoyed reading and critiquing!
For a more general critique, I suggest you check out this article in the Poetry Knowledge Base. It talks a lot about various techniques you can use, which would overall make this poem a lot stronger! In particular, things like similes and metaphors can really help to strengthen the imagery and overall emotional impact of a poem. Right now this is a very literal poem that deals with very real topics, but you could improve it even further by making it "more poetic" using various poetic forms that the article talks about.
Overall, great job!
Keep writing and Happy RevMo!
~Shady
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Thanks for the review, Shady! I%u2019ll try to take those critiques into consideration.
Thank you for posting this beautiful piece of work <3
My pleasure!
Hi Galaxygem!
.
This is a beautiful poem about a terrible issue. I seriously think this should be shown to everyone who says "All lives matter." See how they respond -if they can even respond at all
Every line sounds like a slap in the face. Honestly, those people are hypocrites if they don't respect other races, sexual orientation, or religion.
The rhythm is great, and I love your choice of words. You're tearing them down!
The last two lines felt so strong
*Standing ovation*
Tysm, Valkyria! Honestly, I think the description scared them all away lol.
:O Amazing!!
Thankssss%uD83E%uDD7A
Hi galaxygem,
I'm here with a review. I loved your poem because it shows how all lives matter. It made me smile to know that people care about this. It's an important topic and I couldn't be happier to review this.
As for grammar, I found a mistake that might be a stylistic choice after all.
"Who you think are badder"
Badder should be worst.
I would also suggest you add rhyme. Not only it will sound better but using rhymes will make it easier to remember. Maybe this way people will remember the message and act differently.
I believe you have an amazing poem and I hope I get to read more from you,
MoonIris.
Thank you, MoonIris! %u201CBadder%u201D was a choice I made to get the rhyming going, I used a rhyme every other line.
Now I saw the rhyme! I'm sorry that wasn't helpful.
No no no, it%u2019s completely fine! I love reviews, so thank you!
Hi! This is a great poem honouring everyone's life. The issue raised and the message given through this is so genuine and brought a smile on my face. Through your words you have given power to every human being here.
The last lines especially just fill the reader and lead her into world of introspection. Although a lot has been said about black lives mattering. But this is something new and genuine and really touching!
Gem! Your poetry was indeed a gem. I am not someone who has a very critical point of view. But I loved this one and thought to tell you this from this kinda - appreciative review.
This was a lovely piece. And more than ever I could relate to this as I am someone who believes this in her heart.
Good job!
Keep Writing!!!!
Happy RevMo
Aw, thank you so much! I definitely tried my best on this one. This is my first poem I have published to YWS, so that means a lot!