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Wind

by Ignorance


A hard wind blows

Through the cold winter air.

She sits there,

Watching.

Wondering.

How much can the house take

Before it falls to the ground,

The wind too much for it?

 A silly thought,

But she knows the house.

Its struggles

Its fragility.

It can't take much more.


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421 Reviews


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Tue Apr 20, 2021 1:09 am
starlitmind wrote a review...



WHY HELLO HERMAN! ^_^ I hope you don't mind me leaving a quick review on your lovely poem :)

I think my favourite thing about your poem is how you didn't just talk about wind, but you connected it to some bigger picture. I thought this poem was going to just be about wind descriptions, but you connected it to a house and how it can't take much more before it all collapses -> this idea made me realized that the wind + house could very easily be applied to real life. The house begin someone / someone's body / someone's mind or heart, etc. and the wind being any external force (remarks from bullies, studying and school, stress, expectations, etc.) or it could be some internal force (your own thoughts attacking you and so on). Basically, I could see this all being a metaphor for a person who isn't able to take it all much longer before they break down and collapse. I think it was awesome to use two pretty easy concepts, wind and the house, to explain a more complicated subject. So overall, I really enjoyed the theme and message behind this poem! c:

Its struggles

Its fragility.

It can't take much more.


I also really like the period after these last lines as I pause after each line, and it makes reading it more heartbreaking and dramatic (I might even add a period after "struggles" to add a dramatic pause on that line, too!)

I would love to leave you some suggestion as this is a review! <3 These are just suggestions though, so if you don't agree with anything I say, then please feel free to ignore me and disregard what I say :)

I think it wouldn't hurt to add a bit of imagery here and there to make this more colourful and vivid! c: I'll try to give you a few examples on where you could do this

A hard wind blows

Through the cold winter air.


"hard wind" -> I've never really heard wind being called hard (adjective), usually it just blows hard (adverb). Maybe you could add a bit more here? For example (these are off the top of my head so sorry if they are terrible lol); the biting wind pricked her fingers and tangled her hair like windows blinds" HAHA I DON'T KNOW, I was trying to incorporate "house imagery" (window blinds) since this is about a house xD but you get the point c:

Perhaps you could use a substitute for "cold"? frosty, chilling, biting, icy, snowy, glacial, etc. Using stronger adjectives and more specific words could also be a nice way to make this piece more vivid if you're not looking to add more imagery! ^_^

Before it falls to the ground,


How exactly would the house fall to the ground? Could you use a more specific word, like collapse? Would its wooden boards fold and splinter? Will the walls disintegrate? Will the windows explode into thousands of glass shards? Would the roof cave in, maybe that being a metaphor for someone's heart? Just some suggestions and things for you to think about c:

And that's all I got for you! Overall, I really did enjoy reading this :) I hope your teacher loves it also, and I hope this helped! ^_^




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Mon Apr 19, 2021 12:18 pm
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stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



bootiful

It's not too long, the sentences are short and to the point- just.. bootiful

I do have to comment on one certain thing though, this:

She sits there,

Watching.

Wondering.


The full stops at the end of Watching and Wondering really slow down the reading, so maybe you could go for a comma, a semi-colon or a "..." ? (no idea what those are called lol)

There's also a weird bit of phrasing that didn't make much sense to me,

here:

How much can the house take

Before it falls to the ground,

The wind too much for it?

A silly thought,

But she knows the house.

Its struggles

Its fragility.

It can't take much more.


I feel like the last sentence should be phrased this way instead, "It won't be able to take much more,"
I'm not sure how to explain it, I've never been good with remembering grammar related words. But it feels right. Something to do with the main subject of the sentence and the past/present tense, but I'm not sure how to describe it to you.

Well I hope this helps :D
And to be honest, if you don't get a 20/20 on this, your teacher is not a good one °-°




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Mon Apr 19, 2021 12:17 pm
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akanbright wrote a review...



Akanbright here for a review
I really live the outline, synopsy, and layout structure of your poem, and its really wonderful to read. I love how short and and sense making the poem is and how it draws a line in the mind of the reader as to how a wind can be, even if we cannot see it, yet it tend yo create in us a mental picture of what it can do and how it does it, most especially before it takes action on an object. This imagery, creates in us a relatable picture of a wind as if one can see it or know how it is.
The poems really a good one and most of all, what kept me reading is the simplicity and low level language used, which makes it more easier for the reader to comprehend. I do not like high level sounding words, as they are too cool to be comprehensible.
I do not have much to say, but I just want to let you know that you really tried here and I love it so very much. Moreso, you told us the effect a wind can have on a house or building and the strategies it undertakes before probably destroying it. All these theories are good and it added to the benevolency of the poem.
Please keep up, I love to review more of you works. Thanks a lot.





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