The Murder of Misty Hollow

by Ignorance

[Scene 1]

[SD (Stage Directions): Opens on Evelyn and Kit walking into the basement.]

Evelyn

I still don’t understand why Mom and Dad wanted us to move here, of all places. Misty Hollow sounds creepy enough.

Kit

Yeah, but it’s so cool, Evelyn!! It’s so creepy, I love it!

[Evelyn sighs.]

Evelyn

Kit, creepy doesn’t always equal cool… there could probab-

[Kit and Evelyn pause, looking offstage, then groan.]

Both

Coming, Mom.

[They walk upstairs.]

Kit

Hey, who’s the old guy?

Evelyn

Kit, don’t be a jerk. Sorry sir, I-

[Old-Man Jenkins laughs.]

Old-Man Jenkins

Ohh, it’s been so long since I’ve had some young ones ‘round here! Call me Old-Man Jenkins, who’re you knuckleheads?

Evelyn

Oh, I’m Evelyn Brownheart sir, and thi-

Kit

I’m Kit! Nice to meet ya! You’re cool! How old are you?

[Old-Man Jenkins laughs.]

Old-Man Jenkins

You children are so silly, every one of you…

[Evelyn looks suspicious, Kit’s guard is down.]

[Scene 2]

[Dark lighting. Evelyn and Kit in the basement, Evelyn holding a (pantomimed) candle. Kit is rushing ahead.]

Kit

C’mon Evie, you love horror stories!! This’ll be fun, trust me!!

Evelyn

I-If you say so… I just-

Arthur

Hello..?

[Arthur enters. Evelyn and Kit scream.]

Arthur

Oh my- please, do not be alarmed, young ones. I am Arthur, who may you be?

Kit

U-Uh- Kit and Evelyn..! Wait- are you a ghost??

Evelyn

D-Don’t be stupid! Ghosts aren’t real, th-this is probably just some guy trying to make some stupid joke…

Arthur

I am not making a joke. I am very real.

Evelyn

...Prove it.

Arthur

Certainly. I died about 50 years ago. I was shot by my neighbor, I believe. I still have the wound, would you like to-

Evelyn

U-Uh, nope, I think we’re good..! I-I believe you…

Kit

Boooo, you’re no fun, Ev!! Who killed you? Is he still alive??

Arthur

I never caught who killed me. But I did catch a trace of blonde hair with a brown streak.

[Evelyn looks nervous.]

Evelyn

Th..That’s the hair color of Old-Man Jenkins..!

Kit

..No- he couldn’t have..! He was nice! Wasn’t he?

Evelyn

He looked so suspicious! Didn’t you notice?

Arthur

Um… pardon me, but who is this Old-Man Jenkins you speak of..?

Evelyn

He’s the guy who lives next door, our parents invited him over for dinner last night…

[Arthur shudders.]

Arthur

Th-that’s him… that horrible, cold-hearted young man…

Kit

I-I don’t get it… why would he kill you..?

Arthur

For revenge… I was a wealthy man when I was alive. He was naturally jealous of that, and therefore killed me to take my wealth.

Kit

We have to go talk to him, then... We have to confront him.

Arthur

No, children, it’s too dangerous to go alone… I’ll come with you. The sight of a ghost would surely drive an old man mad.

Evelyn

Let’s go, then. 12:00 PM tomorrow.

[Scene 3]

[Old-Man Jenkins is making steak outside. Evelyn and Kit walk up to him. He turns to them.]

Old-Man Jenkins

Why, hello children! How are you on this lovely day?

Evelyn

Mr. Jenkins? We… we need to talk.

[Evelyn looks nervous, but Kit squeezes her hand reassuringly.]

Evelyn

...We know you did it. We know you killed Arthur all those years ago.

[Old-Man Jenkins’ smile turns into a dark expression.]

Old-Man Jenkins

...I never thought someone would be clever enough to figure it out. And I can't let anyone else know.

[Old-Man Jenkins holds a couple of steak knives to Evelyn and Kit’s necks. They both look terrified.]

Kit

Y-You can’t do that..! W-We’re just kids! Only kids!!!

Old-Man Jenkins

I can do whatever I want. And I know how to get people to believe me.

Arthur

I wouldn’t be so sure.

[Arthur walks in. Old-Man Jenkins’ face goes pale with shock and fear.]

Old-Man Jenkins

A-Arthur..?! Wh- how?! I-I-

Arthur

You will not hurt these children. Or I will get back for what you have done to me.

[Old-Man Jenkins runs off screaming. Evelyn, Kit and Arthur turn to the audience.]

Evelyn

After that, Jenkins went and turned himself in to the police.

Kit

He went to jail, and finally got what he deserved.

Arthur

The children introduced me to their parents. They are completely fine with me staying, and the company is nice.

Evelyn

And so, I think that this is…

Evelyn, Kit, Arthur

The end.

[Bows]

Comments

Points: 9163
Reviews: 229

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Thu Jun 08, 2023 10:32 pm

foxmaster wrote a review...

Foxmaster here for a rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreview! Oh yeah!
So, as much as I enjoyed this I feel like it was slightly confusing and like, we barely had any idea where they were when they met Arthur, and I feel like you didn't really describe it that well. Like, when they were.. somewhere and they met Arthur, I thought they were going to a book convention or something involving horror stories. I also had no idea that Arthur was a ghost, I thought he was like an elderly book seller or something. Also, the girls are sisters, right? Yeah, ok. Also, 12:00 pm sounds like a terrible time to go confront a murderer, (no offense, just saying.) In addition, Evelyn doesn't really sound like she likes horror stories so much. She sounds like she's scared of a lot of stuff, by the way she acts. Also, when you write that the person is talking, and then the thing they're saying under it: Ex:

Evelyn

And so, I think that this is…

I suggest putting what they're saying behind the name, because that makes it distorted, like, look at what I'm saying,
Evelyn: And so, I think that this is…
aaand that's all! Also, if you could review some of my work, that would be great, thanks!!

-Foxmaster!!!

Points: 21503
Reviews: 137

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Tue Apr 27, 2021 12:28 pm

stygianmoon17 wrote a review...

Hi there !

In such a short amount of time, you managed to give each character a distinct personality, and although we know nothing about either of them, the main characters were likeable enough.

The only thing I felt needs work, was the buildup. The reveal, the twist- the buildup until the big climax, when the old man attacks them.
They almost instantly discover that.

Ways to fix that would be, for example, to limit the means of communication of the ghost. What if instead of the ghost just being able to say what happened, he didn't remember. And so he had to show/tell what happened ? And he slowly recalled everything ?
or what if the ghost couldn't talk ? Maybe he'd show what happened through visions ? Or then he'd say something like "the man who killed me has a tattoo/a scar/a birthmark/.. in a specific (not too visible) place."

and so the children would try and figure out who the murderer is. And maybe at first the man (murderer) would help them, or be friendly with them, but then they'll see his tattoo/birthmark/scar/.. and figure out that it's him.
And then he'd attack them.
It would be more impactful and interesting as it is totally unexpected.

Hope to read more from you <33

Points: 19
Reviews: 26

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Thu Apr 15, 2021 6:44 pm

NightsInWhiteSatin wrote a review...

This was a very interesting short play you wrote, Ignorance. I like how in a story so short you managed to give the two main heroes personalities. I also like the idea of a good ghost, and an evil mortal. I only wish you made this a bit longer. The characters don't really have motivations, and when they do they're not very well developed, which for a work this short is understandable, but I believe the whole story would benefit if you made it longer and developed each of the characters. Our heroes do things because they want to, but if you made them do all that because they HAVE to you would have a far more captivating and emotionally engaging story. Keep up the great work!

Points: 0
Reviews: 1232

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Thu Apr 15, 2021 6:09 pm

MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi Ignorance,

Mailice here with a short review!

A nice little horror story you present here. In terms of plot, I found it a very enjoyable, entertaining piece of theatre.

The only criticism I have in the story is more the structure and build up than now the plot itself. In my opinion, it would be important if the names of the characters were written in bold (or placed in the middle), because in some places it can happen that you don't immediately know where who is talking.

Both
Coming, Mom.

Here, for example, it can seem confusing to the reader whether this is text someone is saying or not. Of course, you could have written Kit & Evelyn here. Because at the end you used this method where Evelyn, Kit and Arthur announce the end it would fit better, to use the names.

Evelyn
Kit, don't be a jerk. Sorry sir, I-
[Old-Man Jenkins laughs.]
Old-Man Jenkins
Ohh, it's been so long since I've had some young ones 'round here! Call me Old-Man Jenkins, who're you knuckleheads?

I would consider it better not to give the name/identity of Old Man Jenkins here until the point where he introduces himself. As he is not one of the first characters to appear in the plot and have dialogue, it could be confusing for the reader if someone suddenly appears who already has a name. "An old man appears." Or something similar could have been paraphrased. Also an idea would be, since this is a very short play, to briefly introduce the actors before the play itself. ("The following characters are in the play.")

This is also the case with Arthur, who calls out "Hello...?" before he even enters. As an audience member, you don't know who the character is yet. There, for example, one could have described as an idea what he looks like as a ghost. Does he float? Is he green? Transparent?

Old Man Jenkins
...I never thought someone would be clever enough to figure it out. And I can't let anyone else know.

I thought the first half of him was a bit weird because he admits straight away that he killed Arthur. I don't know what to say about that, and I'm divided. In my opinion, you could have expanded a bit on how the children found out, or how Jenkins claims that he didn't do it... But I think that's also a matter of taste. To me, Jenkins seemed a bit like a spaced-out character, so I'll leave it like that.

I liked that you put the descriptions of what the characters do in brackets. Other than that, there's not much else I can say. I liked the story, it was funny.

Have fun with your writing!

Mailice.

Points: 317
Reviews: 5

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Thu Apr 15, 2021 1:17 pm

View Likes

meloncalling says...

I'm not leaving a review because I don't have much to say except for the fact that this is amazing

....But Arthur was based off Jinx :3

Ignorance says...

he wasn't actually, but thank you! ^-^

meloncalling says...

really??? oop- reminded me of him-

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The Murder of Misty Hollow

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