NOTE: THIS STORY COVERS THE BACKSTORY OF QUEEN MOCHII. READ THE ACCIDENTAL MAGIC FOR MORE DETAILS, IF CONFUSED.
Chapter one:
Mochii
How did all the magic get stolen? Why did we go on a quest? This is the story, a narrative account. It was all crazy, but we have to have an introduction first.
twelve years ago, a wizard was born... and that wizard was named Cheyenne. But, you see, she did not even know she was a wizard. (Wizards can be boys or girls. It's a magic thing. You would not understand.)
But, one crazy day, she got accused of stealing money, while the reality was someone else did it. She got angry, and well- Boom. The guilty one exploded, but I shall not get into the details. The next thing Cheyenne knew, she was doing private lessons with... wait for it... Madame Longnails.
One day, Cheyenne was drawing a picture of a fox chasing a frog, when the mammal and the amphibian jumped off the page! *Me being the fox.*
Chapter two
Froggie
"A pint of dragon dew..." said Cheyenne, dropping it into her cauldron. Her hot pink cloak contrasted against the brown walls of her house, covered in multicolored potions. I myself was sitting up on my shelf, watching her with a smirk on my face.
"This is great, right Mochii?" I turned around to speak to her, but-she was gone!
"MOCHII IS GONE!" I yelled, although it came out as a squeak instead. (stress these days.)
"What-" said Cheyenne, her potion exploding on her robes. "Aw, thanks." she groaned.
"We have to find Mochii!" I cried. "She could be anywhere!" Cheyenne sighed, and then opened the door from her study. "Come on." she said, annoyed. "Let's go."
We walked/hopped down the winding hallways of her large, magical house. Soon we got to a door:
Mysterious door-unknown things behind it.
it said. "let's see here..." said Cheyenne, fishing out a key. The key turned in the lock, as did the door. It creaked, showing a long, suspicious hallway. Torches lined walls, the ground covered in stone. I squeaked again: "You first."
Cheyenne glared at me, lighting her wand with light. Soon, we continued walking, getting to another door. She opened it again, and suddenly everything was pitch-dark. Couldn't even see the armadillo in front of my face---
wait. ARMADILLO?! I screamed, and realized it was just a painting, as the lights turned back on. (thankfully) There, in the middle of the room, sat a table, with three chairs. On one was a girl, on another was a boy, on the last was...
"Mochii!" I cried, relived. Mochii smiled quietly, and then turned to the girl. "Tell her," she said, and the girl muttered: "Cheyenne, at midnight tonight, your magic will be stolen... forever."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,787 Reviews
I really liked this read, the main character Cheyenne seems like a very fun and outgoing character which makes the story feel colorful.
I will add that the pov does switch from 1st Person and 3rd Person, I really enjoyed reading about Cheyenne in the third person as it does give much more room to flesh out and really observe her as a character in ways that the 1st person would be limited to.
Besides that I definitely had a good laugh, the comedic scenes are really funny. This is a charming series, I'd love to see the direction you take with it!
thank you!
Okay, so I haven't read Accidental Magic! BUT. I saw this chapter sitting idly and figured I would read this!
OMG. I HAVE NEVER WANTED THE DETAILS MORE.
Like... did the guilty one literally explode??? Who saw it happen? Did Cheyenne get in trouble with this?? Did anybody know that it was her? Like, how did the wizards intervene to grab her before a whole mob went to kill her????
TELL! TELL! TELL!
Does... this mean the narrator from now is going to be a fox??? That is a heckuva introduction, lol. "I didn't exist until this girl drew me and suddenly I became Real." Like, WHAT??? This magic thing is pretty crazy cool in this world, not gonna lie...
I think, if this is truly from the perspective of a fox, you might want to just go all out and make this fox the foxiest fox in the whole wide world. So, like... some satisfied tail flipping, maybe?? Or at least licking his paws, lol.
UM. I do not know who Mochii is... *gulps*
WAIT. IS THIS FROM THE FROG'S PERSPECTIVE???
LOL.
XD
This is going to be an amusing story, isn't it? Mind you, I am not quite sure what is happening, but it definitely is happening, ha!
Sliiiiightly disappointed that there aren't any armadillos, I have to admit. XD Even though it was just a painting, it would have been a good addition to have a random armadillo there anyway, haha.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN!
Okay, so general thoughts... you probably should explain who is narrating your story, because it's great but also... I am not sure?? But it's definitely funny.
It definitely is fast-paced! Slightly off the wall too, lol.
The other thing that I think you can benefit from is a description of Mochii. Though, I love Mochii already, I am also very confused. XD
Hope that helps!
thank you! Also, the person literally exploded into a million and five pieces.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this was quite the start here. Having read the Accidental Magic I was immediately very curious about what this book was talking about and I haven't been disappointed here with this opening.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is quite the little sequence there. Definitely seems like a very interesting point to start off with for this backstory. It seems we're just diving straight into all the stranger occurrences here. Let's see what chapter two has to offer.
Oooh okay well the second chapter is also getting underwear with some pretty intriguing signs there. Already loving the vibes that we are getting as a result of that. Let's see where this will end up taking us.
Well that definitely feels like the sort of place you would find things although it does also seem like the sort of place you would find things that you didn't really want to find in the first place.
Well that was quite the shock there to end on wow. Things definitely took quite the little turn there yet again. We're just two chapters in but already there's just so, so many things to focus on and I'm loving it so far.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think a very solid start here. Already there's so much to unpack and I look forward to discovering more of this story as we go along here. This really does seem to be shaping up to be quite the tale.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
thank you!