Young Writers Society

We finally stopped right by the Silver river and we parked the Horses

I love the idea that they park the horses like they are cars haha!

Trust Mochii to fall into the water and not be able to swim! I'm surprised she wasn't more careful going into the water if she's not able to swim... scratch that, this is super on brand and I shouldn't be questioning this level of chaos.

"Good job, Sam!!" I said cheerfully.

"Mochii, what happened?" I asked.

Was this supposed to be structured this way? It sounds like it should be two different characters speaking but it's not?

"I'll have the lemon margarita, Morgan will have the lemonade, Mochii will have half-and-half- iced tea, and Froggy will have..."

Wow these characters have absolutely no urgency, huh? I'm amazed Cheyenne left them unsupervised whilst going to find someone to steer the boat.

I hope we catch up to the wizard soon, he's got quite a head start!

Icy

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was quite the little chapter here. I was honestly half expecting them to get all the way to confronting Toren in this one but it seems we've got a little more to go before we get there and this particular one is exciting in its own way which I loved.

Anyway let's get right to it,

We finally stopped right by the Silver river and we parked the Horses. I was glad that we could finally get off because my butt hurt SO MUCH, and we were so close to getting Cheyenne's Magic back!

We got right off the horse and walked towards the Silver River. We could barely see Toren now, but maybe we could catch up to him and we would get a speedboat or something or other.

All around us, there were so many colorful small shops, with vendors advertising things like,

Well it looks like despite all the potential excitement of having run into that particular person everyone is managing to having a relatively calm experience in the moment, remaining pretty normal even though they are clearly in a bit of a rush to try and get to Toren.

"Ooh!" Cheyenne said. "I would love to buy all this, if only I still had my magic! But... now my permit is probably expired, so I can't get anything cool nowadays."

"If you still had your magic, we would not even be here." Said Mochii pointedly. I had to agree with her, though. Cheyenne nodded sadly.

"Let's go!" I said, and we raced to the river. At least, me and Mochii did. People stared at us like we were so weird, and why though? We were normal, people! Get it right!

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!" yelled Cheyenne grumpily. "I'm going to go get someone to drive our boat."

"Can't we?" I asked. "Nope!" said Morgan. "You have to get a Shipmaster to do it. They're the only people who can drive boats, but they can't do anything else as a job. If we did it, then we would drown!"

Well that's a nice little extra reminder of just exactly who has lost the magic in this moment and precisely what that exactly happens to mean for the person and everyone else at large. It adds on nicely here to this moment as they prepare to dash forward to the bad guy.

"Sounds terrible," Mochii said, glaring. I nodded.

"I'll be back!" Cheyenne said, and walked away into the crowd. Meanwhile, Mochii was staring at the river with an expression of longing on her face. It was sad, to be honest. h

The river water was so clear that you could see the pebbles on the bottom. They were sooth and shining. The water looked so nice, and cooling! I just wanted to go for a swim!

Mochii was thinking way ahead of me. We slowly waded into the water and sighed contentedly. She looked so happy, though! She really did. Just then-

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAA!" Mochii screamed. She fell right into the water! There must have been a gigantic drop in the ground there.

Oh dear well I wasn't expecting things to go in quite that direction there. That one definitely caught me very, very off guard. Loving this little twist here so far. I can't wait to see where we'll go next from this point.

"Mochii!" I cried in panic. Morgan and Sam (Who had been watching a one-man band play country on his acoustic guitar in admiration) ran right over to us.

"What's going on?" Morgan gasped. She noticed Mochii flailing in the water and suddenly gasped. The water kind of rose, and Mochii fell straight out of the water at out feet. People started clapping, and I realized that there was a crowd around us.

"Good job, Sam!!" I said cheerfully.

"Mochii, what happened?" I asked.

"I can't swim!" Mochii moaned in tragedy. "Happy now?"

"Nope!" I said, and noticed that Cheyenne wasn't back yet.

Well at least it seems despite whatever potential horror that could cause has been averted fairly easily there. That's definitely quite nice to see that they are managing to make progress so far. It would be a bit of a shame if they ended up trapped in horrible places before even confronting Toren.

"Let's get something to drink," said Sam and we walked over to the nearest stand, selling cheap drinks.

"I'll have the lemon margarita, Morgan will have the lemonade, Mochii will have half-and-half- iced tea, and Froggy will have..."

"Fly flavored water!" I said.

"Ew!" groaned Morgan. We were just about to sit down in the sun and have our drinks, when Cheyenne walked right up to us.

"I got some people to pilot a boat," she said. "Hurry up, people! We don't have all day!"

Ooooh well that's quite the note to end on. Given the kind of excitement that we were showing towards the end of the previous one I wasn't expecting this to be what they focused on, but it certainly does make sense for the moment.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've done a pretty solid job with this one keeping the tension built up from the previous chapter going quite well there and adding on nicely to hint at the eventual Toren confrontation and adding this extra little element into the mix as well. I can't wait to see where we go next.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate