Good day/afternoon/night! I'm here to leave a quick review

First Impression: It's quite an unexpected ending to the mood you set to the story. You used childish, innocent language for this character and made the atmosphere seem like a simple bonding between friends. It was only interrupted by the sudden lightning and the unexpected death of Mochi.

Actual Review:
I will review specific portions that I believe contribute much to the story.

Yup, that's me, I just really wanted to add an emoji there. Because, like, Emojis are FUN! You know what else is fun? Riding on a boat on the silver river! Yyyyyeah, that was great. Me and Froggie were just sitting there with our feet in the water. The sun was shining, too.

The first paragraph of the story greatly describes the personality of Mochi. Upbeat, bubbly, excitable, friendly, happy. It's a great way to start the story, making an immediate connection with the audience. It's also safe to assume Mochi is a fox based on the emoji so that helps, too.

"I guess! Ooh, it that rain?" Froggie asked. Indeed, there were... DARK CLOUDS OVER THE HORIZON!

"How nice," This said and grabbed a super random umbrella from the umbrella stand next to her.

"Aw!" Morgan said, and put her pair of binoculars down that she was using to track Toren down. "Now, how will I fidg Toren's boat?" she asked.

I dropped a curly fry into the river. Ew.

CRASH!

Lighting struck! We all screamed. Well, This just cackled like a witch, even though the witches here in Evenlor are creepy. (Vampire-zombie-bird-harpy-werewolf-hyde-ghoul- with a mullet, the worst hairstyle ever.)

Well, this certainly builds up the story. It's not a good sign for them to be in a boat while storms are brewing. However, they all seem to take it lightly and not give much notice to the rain. It won't prove well for them to assume that when the first lightning strikes. The demeanor of Mochi during the series of events show that she can be a bit ditzy, but is fully alert when faced with danger.

while people raced into the water, I stopped, because

1. I cannot swim.

2. you're not supposed to swim when there's lightning.

Just as I skidded to a stop on the boat, Froggie yelled, "What is it?"

"You don't swim when there's lightning, and I can't swim!" I yelled. Oop, the flames were getting closer..

Just then, lightning stuck....

Me.

I fell off of the boat and died.

Poor Mochi, it's as if she didn't have any choice. She was either going to be burnt to a crisp or be drowned by her inability to swim. It feels a bit strange for Mochi to say that she died. It would be more believable if it ended at "Me". It would have also delivered more emotional impact.

Overall, this is a cute (not-so-happy-ending) story. Keep writing and keep it up!

This is alpacaboss, signing off.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was quite the chapter here. After the more fan and casual vibes that we seemed to be easing towards we're just hit bang over the head with a straight up death and things are getting spicy once again.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Yup, that's me, I just really wanted to add an emoji there. Because, like, Emojis are FUN! You know what else is fun? Riding on a boat on the silver river! Yyyyyeah, that was great. Me and Froggie were just sitting there with our feet in the water. The sun was shining, too.

Also, those people piloting the boat? One was a FLAMINGO! Yeah. A Flamingo! Cool, huh? The other was a girl whose name was This. This was really pale and had a white and black striped dress on. She was doing most of the piloting, while the flamingo generally screwed around. We were all just talking, while the flamingo was serving us curly fries from Sam's hat. My life is sooooo weird, isn't it?

Well that definitely seems like quite the crew to be riding down a river with. This as a name is also definitely quite an interesting one. I'm sure that's going to lead to more than just one misunderstanding in the time that we're about to see here. Let's see how this shapes up.

"Well! Froggie! This is relaxing, isn't it?" I grabbed a curly fry. Mmm, curly fries are the next best thing compared to sparkling water.

"I guess! Ooh, it that rain?" Froggie asked. Indeed, there were... DARK CLOUDS OVER THE HORIZON!

"How nice," This said and grabbed a super random umbrella from the umbrella stand next to her.

"Aw!" Morgan said, and put her pair of binoculars down that she was using to track Toren down. "Now, how will I fidg Toren's boat?" she asked.

I dropped a curly fry into the river. Ew.

Well this is quite the gloomy start here. Curly fries falling into the water is already a pretty bad start there but a massive storm coming up at the same time doesn't bode too terribly well for this crew. A river is not a great place to be during one of those.

CRASH!

Lighting struck! We all screamed. Well, This just cackled like a witch, even though the witches here in Evenlor are creepy. (Vampire-zombie-bird-harpy-werewolf-hyde-ghoul- with a mullet, the worst hairstyle ever.)

Suddenly, another crash hit, except this time it was more like,

CRASH!!! :0
The reason it was so loud was because it hit the boat, which rocked back and forth madly. Everyone groaned, and a fire burst out onto the deck!

Well that's quite the collection of crashes to be kicking us off here. It doesn't looks like the boats that they ended up going down that river in are really going to stand too much of a chance of actually surviving the kind of crashes that are going to be occurring. This is getting into dangerous territory now.

"Abandon shiiiip!" Cried Cheyenne, and everyone jumped into the water (well, with This' umbrella, she mostly just floated down like Mary Poppins or something.), just as rain began pouring down. It was like the sky suddenly took a big gulp of water but then saw something hilarious and spit it all over us.

while people raced into the water, I stopped, because

1. I cannot swim.

2. you're not supposed to swim when there's lightning.

Just as I skidded to a stop on the boat, Froggie yelled, "What is it?"

"You don't swim when there's lightning, and I can't swim!" I yelled. Oop, the flames were getting closer..

Just then, lightning stuck....

Me.

I fell off of the boat and died.

Well that's quite the end. Wow. Um you do have to think for a moment how Mochi managed to actually convey the fact that she died as she died there so, that's already very intriguing but also wow, when I said this was about to get dangerous I really wasn't expecting things to go that horribly wrong but that has been quite the combination of things to very wrong here. I wonder what will happen next.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall quite a powerful chapter this one. I can't wait to see what are the consequences going to be from this and if anyone else has managed to also get hurt. It looks like things are going to be really serious in the next chapter.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate