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The Wizards and the Desk Pets 1-the stolen magic-chapter 3

by foxmaster


                                                        chapter 3

                                                          Mochii

"What?!" asked Cheyenne in confusion. "Who is going to do it? You?" She started walking towards the door very quickly, and said: "Come on, Mochii, Froggie."

"Nah." I said. "I would rather stay here with Sam and Morgan." I pointed at the two wizards staring at  Cheyenne calmly. "We won't take your magic." said Morgan, who had dark black hair and was very pale. "That's Toren the torturer." said Sam who had dark brown hair and green eyes. 

"Who is Toren the torturer?" asked Cheyenne, and I could tell she was a bit nervous. She stared back at the wizards suspiciously.

"He is the most evil wizard ever, stealing people's magic so he can take over Evenlor and be king," said Morgan. "He can, like, explode an entire city, like this-" Morgan made a swooshing sound and sliced her hand through the air. "ultra fast." 

"He sounds evil." said Froggie. "What if you're helping him?" Very fair point, I decided. Too bad he was wrong!!! Sam said, "We're not." 

"I don't believe you," said Cheyenne, stomping up the stairs. Meanwhile, Morgan looked sad. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, and Morgan said: "Toren stole my magic!"

                                                  tiny chapter in chapter 3

                                                         Morgan

Yes! In a magical world I am magic-less! How terrible!!! I wish I had powers, though... all I can remember is once, when I was a young child, me and Cheyenne were playing together, and a dark shadow came over us, so we couldn't see- wait a minute! The reason I don't have magic is someone came and swapped my powers for Cheyenne's non-powers! The reason Toren traded them is because he's scared of my ultra-powerful jujitsu! How dare he!

                                                        Back to chapter 3 again

So, you know how this story was short? Well, the version we were told took 3 and a half hours, thus it was 11:45. "Midnight!" I yelled, and we ran out of the room, to the hallway as quickly as we could. 

The next thing I know, the ground gets turned into mossy stairs, sending my slipping. Everyone screamed, confused, and we knew we weren't going to make it. I raced up the stairs finally, and we got to the door! I raced into Cheyenne's room, (somewhere I'd never been before) and saw her sleeping in bed, surrounded by various horse stuffed animals I figured she was too old for. The window was open, showing the forest, pitch dark. A dark figure perched on the window sill, holding a bag filled with magical powder. It was swirling in the air. Then, he seemed to- teleport?!- right when I jumped twoards him!!!

"We're too late," I breathed. "Cheyenne's magic...it's gone.

Cheyenne sat up, screaming in pain. What do we do? I thought in a panicked manner.


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Tue Mar 28, 2023 7:51 pm
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Lexus2017RX350 wrote a review...



Keep in mind, this is my first time reading any of these, so feel free to dismiss all of my criticisms, let me know if anything I say was actually intentional.

As I read this story, I found the plot to be fascinating, with plenty of magical elements that kept me interested. The characters all had distinct personalities that added depth to the story, which I appreciated. However, I did find some parts of the story to be confusing and could have used better organization and clarity. For example, there were sudden shifts in perspective from Mochii to Morgan and back to Mochii that made it hard to keep track of who was speaking. Additionally, I would have liked more descriptive language to help me visualize the magical world and the characters' actions.

Overall, I think this story has the potential to be a captivating read. Great job!




foxmaster says...


thank you! Also, I am doing this in chapters, on the top it says who is speaking!



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Sun Mar 26, 2023 4:04 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a lovely chapter yet again. ONce again we have more of that faster paced action that's just throwing quite a few problems at us. I think it works well here as its all building on the previous two chapters and now its ended on another powerful cliffhanger.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"What?!" asked Cheyenne in confusion. "Who is going to do it? You?" She started walking towards the door very quickly, and said: "Come on, Mochii, Froggie."

"Nah." I said. "I would rather stay here with Sam and Morgan." I pointed at the two wizards staring at Cheyenne calmly. "We won't take your magic." said Morgan, who had dark black hair and was very pale. "That's Toren the torturer." said Sam who had dark brown hair and green eyes.

"Who is Toren the torturer?" asked Cheyenne, and I could tell she was a bit nervous. She stared back at the wizards suspiciously.


Well it seems chapter three isn't very different to those first two chapters in terms of just how much action we are just immediately leaping into here. I can't wait to see where this takes us.

"He is the most evil wizard ever, stealing people's magic so he can take over Evenlor and be king," said Morgan. "He can, like, explode an entire city, like this-" Morgan made a swooshing sound and sliced her hand through the air. "ultra fast."

"He sounds evil." said Froggie. "What if you're helping him?" Very fair point, I decided. Too bad he was wrong!!! Sam said, "We're not."

"I don't believe you," said Cheyenne, stomping up the stairs. Meanwhile, Morgan looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and Morgan said: "Toren stole my magic!"


Well...that was definitely quite the little reveal there. Toren feels like an important part of this particular story and now this extra bit of tension amongst them caused by Morgan is a lovely extra touch to everything. Let's see how that will end up being resolved.

Yes! In a magical world I am magic-less! How terrible!!! I wish I had powers, though... all I can remember is once, when I was a young child, me and Cheyenne were playing together, and a dark shadow came over us, so we couldn't see- wait a minute! The reason I don't have magic is someone came and swapped my powers for Cheyenne's non-powers! The reason Toren traded them is because he's scared of my ultra-powerful jujitsu! How dare he!


Oooh I love this little moment for us to be able to see Morgan's side of things. I think it adds on really quite nicely to the situation here. I can't wait to see what more will come of this.

[quote]So, you know how this story was short? Well, the version we were told took 3 and a half hours, thus it was 11:45. "Midnight!" I yelled, and we ran out of the room, to the hallway as quickly as we could.

The next thing I know, the ground gets turned into mossy stairs, sending my slipping. Everyone screamed, confused, and we knew we weren't going to make it. I raced up the stairs finally, and we got to the door! I raced into Cheyenne's room, (somewhere I'd never been before) and saw her sleeping in bed, surrounded by various horse stuffed animals I figured she was too old for. The window was open, showing the forest, pitch dark. A dark figure perched on the window sill, holding a bag filled with magical powder. It was swirling in the air.

"We're too late," I breathed. "Cheyenne's magic...it's gone."

Cheyenne sat up, screaming in pain. What do we do? I thought in a panicked manner.[/qoute]

Well that was definitely pretty fast there. Wow. Love the ending though. It makes for a wonderful little cliffhanger I think. I can't wait to see where we'll end up going to next from here. Already we've seen so much happen, that it feels like one of these chapters everything will explode somehow.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think we've got ourselves a pretty solid pair of scenes here. It builds on quite nicely and gives us even more to think about. I can't wait to see how the next chapter will be.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




foxmaster says...


thank you!



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Sun Mar 26, 2023 1:06 am
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Snoink wrote a review...



Hello! I am back for more... who is going to steal Cheyenne's magic??? WE SHALL FIND OUT THIS MYSTERY SOON!!!!

She started walking towards the door very quickly, and said: "Come on, Mochii, Froggie."


OH. Mochii is the fox, right???

"That's Toren the torturer." said Sam who had dark brown hair and green eyes.


OH DEAR. With a name like Toren the Torturer, I wouldn't trust HIm at all, haha.

"He is the most evil wizard ever, stealing people's magic so he can take over Evenlor and be king," said Morgan. "He can, like, explode an entire city, like this-" Morgan made a swooshing sound and 0sliced her hand through the air. "ultra fast."


I MEAN. Not to be too harsh on Cheyenne, but... um... she totally exploded someone randomly too. Why is Toren not good for exploding a city and Cheyenne still good??

What's wrong?" I asked, and Morgan said: "Toren stole my magic!"


Aha!! So he had a known history of stealing magic, so this isn't just a random happening!

Though... question! What would happen if Toren stole Cheyenne's magic? Would that mean Froggie and Mochii would stop existing since they were made from her magic?? Or have they been created so they can't disappear if Cheyenne loses her magic??

Yes! In a magical world I am magic-less! How terrible!!! I wish I had powers, though... all I can remember is once, when I was a young child, me and Cheyenne were playing together, and a dark shadow came over us, so we couldn't see- wait a minute! The reason I don't have magic is someone came and swapped my powers for Cheyenne's non-powers! The reason Toren traded them is because he's scared of my ultra-powerful jujitsu! How dare he!


... what??? PLOT TWIST.

I have so many questions, lol. Why did Toren give the powers to Cheyenne and not keep them for himself if they were that good?? Does Cheyenne remember Morgan at all? When Toren switched their powers w with each other, did some of his powers kind get tangled with their powers and that's why Cheyenne can accidentally explode people without too much effort??

DUN DUN DUNNNN.

yelled, and we ran out of the room, to the hallway as quickly as we could.


Wait!!!! Who is running out of the room with her??

The next thing I know, the ground gets turned into mossy stairs, sending my slipping.


This is cool, lol.

I raced into Cheyenne's room, (somewhere I'd never been before) and saw her sleeping in bed, surrounded by various horse stuffed animals I figured she was too old for.


WAIT. How old is she??? (And I slept with stuffed pugs until I was married, so... xD)

A dark figure perched on the window sill, holding a bag filled with magical powder. It was swirling in the air.


Perched?? Like a bird??? Also, is this Mochii still? You might be able to have her use other senses, other than sight to describe this strange, menacing figure!

Cheyenne sat up, screaming in pain. What do we do? I thought in a panicked manner.


I DUNNO??? ATTACK THE GUY???? It sounds like he's still there... perched on a window... in a precarious position... WHAT IF HE FALLS????

... all right, off to the next chapter!!




foxmaster says...


Thank you! also, to answer your questions, Mochii and froggie will not disappear. They are from an alternate dimension, but we will get to that soon. Also, Morrigan had really powerful magic, so that's why Cheyenne is so powerful. He wiped their minds though, so Morrigan wouldn't remember and attack him with super advanced martial arts, but that backfired now.




The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay