Young Writers Society

A short review for a short chapter!

"I'm craving chili right now," Morgan said. So... not the same thing. Good to know. "Really?" I asked.

I mean, this is an important thing that often doesn't get covered off in questing. Prioritise food!

"whaaaaaaaaaa! Someone screamed. Me and Morgan looked up and saw... Sam, Cheyenne and Mochii falling from the trees? Then- "OOF!" Mochii literally landed on me!

Love the onomatopoeia (also, I spelt that right first time and I need the world to know)!

"We all are!" said Cheyenne defensively. "Not just you, Mochii!" Mochii glared at her. "Don't say that!" she said, and they both started arguing.

Wait, what happened to the chilli?!

Did they not get to eat the chilli? I'm too invested in the eating habits of this adventure xD

Also this:

"Guys!" I cried, and pointed at some thing in front of us.

Something should just be the one word here.

Loving the chaos!

Icy

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a pretty interesting chapter here. We've got two fairly contrasting parts but at the same time they do also work together with each other pretty well I think and it gives us just enough room to breathe a little while it hints at what's to come.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Me and Morgan walked down the path, filled with sleepiness. I looked at her and wondered if she was thinking what I was thinking- if she was excited to finally go on an adventure to search for magic, and whether she even knew that was possible.

"I'm craving chili right now," Morgan said. So... not the same thing. Good to know. "Really?" I asked.

"Have you even had chili before?" she asked, staring at me. "Yes!" I said. "Me and Cheyenne and Mochii would have that for dinner sometimes! We'd just sit on the couch watching Wednesday and Cheyenne would yell at Mochii for getting it all over the couch! Those stains are really hard to get out."

Well that was definitely a bit out of left field, especially considering where we left off in the story for the previous chapter. We can definitely relate to the protagonists confusion there although I have a feeling this detail might just be important in the time to come here.

Morgan just stared at me a little with a small smile. Suddenly-

"whaaaaaaaaaa! Someone screamed. Me and Morgan looked up and saw... Sam, Cheyenne and Mochii falling from the trees? Then- "OOF!" Mochii literally landed on me!

"What the-" I said. "How-what-who--why?" Mochii got off of me, leaving a frog-shaped crater in the ground, and stared at me. "How did that happen?"

"Most convenient thing EVER!" Yelled Sam. I was so lost.

Oooh well at the very least that connects us back to where we ended in the previous bit so that's a good moment. And perhaps after all that this final section is going to be a bit of a breather section for us to just catch up on what's been happening up to now.

"I'm tired!" Mochii cried. "And hungry!" She sighed. We were walking across the plains, which had literally nothing. We all stared ahead in boredom.

"We all are!" said Cheyenne defensively. "Not just you, Mochii!" Mochii glared at her. "Don't say that!" she said, and they both started arguing.

"Guys!" I cried, and pointed at some thing in front of us. Okay. First of all, picture the interstate. Now put it high above the ground on tree trunks, and instead of cars, its horses. Beyond it is the Silver River. "Oh!" said Morgan. "We're at the tree road!"

Hmm well it seems despite the momentary respite in this one, we have arrived at another important location there and things are probably going to speed up again right after this moment. Well I look forward to seeing how that's going to go here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this story is gently plodding along pretty nicely here. I can't wait to see where else you end up taking this one next with the next location that has been mentioned here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate