Published July 17, 2023
Ellie stared off into the distance for a while, while Baddie stood behind her. Silence.
"How long has this been?" Asked Baddie.
" 'Bout.. a lot of hours." Ellie said flatly. Baddie nodded. There was some more silence, before Ellie asked, "what about the unicorn?"
Baddie's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "Yeah. That," she said.
"And?" Asked Ellie impatiently.
"It's.... complicated," said Baddie. "But you really want to find the unicorn?"
Ellie nodded overenthusiastically. Baddie grinned.
So far, so good.
"Well..." Baddie said. "You have to agree to do this." Ellie nodded once again.
Foxmaster here to interrupt. Now, you must be thinking, Ellie is trusing her evil twin? What is wro g with her? Will she die?
Read to find out, reader.
Baddie grinned and said, "close your eyes." Ellie obeyed. Baddie began to chant so eforeign words, and...
Nothing.
Baddie groaned.
"Right. Ellie, say, 'I do this of my own free will.'" Baddie growled.
"Really-"
"You want that unicorn?!" snapped Baddie.
"I do this of my own free will, moron ." Ellie said.
"Great," Baddie grinned, and repeated the process. Ellie began to feel dizzy.
She opened her eyes, and fell onto the floor.
"This is throughly enjoyable," Baddie smirked.
"WhAt?" Asked Elie, in a very delusional manner. Baddie smiled.
"Evil twin. If you're too much of a moron to figure that out, how will you get by in life?"
Ellie groaned, and she collopased on the floor. Baddie stepped by her unconcious body, laid hands on her, and suddenly she looked just like Ellie.
"Phase one complete." She said.
*****
A person woke up in a feild. She looked around. She was... confused. She couldn't remember a single thing. The person sat up. She gasped. And she remembered...something a word? A name? Who knew.
"Charlotte."the person said.
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Canary word: Present
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Happy Tuesday! Icy here for a quick review
With speech in prose, you don't need a capital letter for the beginning of a dialogue tag (unless it's someone's name) so this would be:
"How long has this been?" asked Baddie.
I like the interspersion of the narrator here - it's in keeping with the lighthearted tone, and I really enjoyed being you referring to the reader directly!
I think I'd benefit from a bit more description though, especially when Ellie wakes up in the field. I like the conversation between the characters but I think some more description would add some good intrigue!
Hope this was helpful!
Icy
Does Ellie’s spell that she did with Baddie have to do with Charlotte losing her memory, or is that completely separate? This is the end of part two? Oh boy…I don’t know if Ellie will ever find that unicorn. How will Charlotte be able to find Ellie if she lost her memory? Maybe saying her own name out loud will bring it all back…or not.
I wish you a wonderful day/night.
Ohh... you have the memory thing all backwards, XD