"And how do you feel about this?" Asked a reporter.
"Do you have mixed feelings? Anger? Sadness?" Asked another.
Maddie stood outside the Clan Castle, getting mobbed by stupid, annoying reporters.
"I feel... ambivalence," she said. Everyone around her soaked it all in and began writing the three words onto thick notepads.
"And do you-" began another, before Charlotte walked up and pushed them all away from her, rolling her eyes in the process.
"Why did you do that?!" asked Maddie.
"You said ten minutes ago you didn't want to be in the paper."
"That was... before I felt like I was famous!!"
"Hmph." said Charlotte.
"Don't you feel amazing and.. er... special?" asked Maddie pointedly.
"I already am special." said Charlotte back.
"Since when re you so grumpy? It's like your entire personality changed." Maddie said.
"I'm fine." said Charlotte, lying. She wasn't fine, to be honest. She'd been having weird dreams lately filled with ghosts. She knew these couldn't be witches, because they didn't look anything like the ones they'd exploded a few weeks ago.
At first she'd just thought that they'd been some kind of nightmares. After all, those witches had been terrifying. But after she'd had them over and over again, she knew something was happening.
You never had the same dreams twice.
"Don't you worry that all the Witches may be back? After all... we never knew what happened to the queen." Charlotte said.
"Nope!" said Maddie. "Why worry about things you can't control?"
Charlotte raised an eyebrow. "Did you just quote an inspirational poster?"
"Of course not!" she said cheerfully. "I think those are corny!"
"And yet..."
Charlotte was cut off when a girl holding an empty Pringle's can walked toward them. It was Charlotte's sister, Ellie. (She had recently gotten into a fascination with ants, so she had trapped some and kept them as her pets.)
"Ellie!" Yelled Charlotte. "Are the reporters getting to you, too?"
"Nah." said Ellie. "But they were scaring Ellie Junior, Nameless, Breadlover, Mushroom, Raticorn, and George Washington." She held the container protectively.
Those were the ant's names.
"Who are those?" Asked Maddie. (Nobody had told them about the ants.)
"My ants!" said Ellie happily. "Want to see?"
"No thanks." Maddie looked disgusted.
"You are weird." said Ellie, before getting pulled back into the crowd.
"What do you think about all this?"
"Where were you?"
"What's in the can?"
Ellie sighed, looking tired.
"This is going to be a long day." she said.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hey, it's Serrurie, here for a review! I see you haven't been here in a while, so I hope you're doing well. Anyways, let's dive in
The Good Stuff:
- I really like your cover. I know that that's not even the main focus, but I really like it.
-'they didn't look anything like the ones they'd exploded a few weeks ago'- well that was a nice little drop of worldbuilding! Little areas that provoke shock in a story or seem to flip things around like this always read really nice.
-This is some interesting worldbuilding. It seems like a modern-day version of a fairy-tale land, (a bit like Ella Enchanted but way better) and I'm here for it.
Room For Improvement:
- I'd just make sure that after someone is speaking and you use the word 'said' to make sure and use a comma, not a period.
- When it says 'You never had the same dreams twice' I would recommend changing 'You' to 'She' just to make sure that the POV (which was third person except in that sentence) isn't changed.
Overall Opinion: Nice first chapter to an interesting story! I'll go look at the original this was based off of some time
So I guess they’re in the other world for now. Charlotte has been having nightmares about ghosts. I wonder who the ghosts are? Victims of the witches? What if the Queen sent other kids on missions centuries before and they failed, leading to the Queen killing them? Maybe the ghosts are those kids, warning Charlotte of the dangers that may come along the way.
I enjoyed reading this sequel. I wish you a great day/night.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: A pretty solid first chapter here from the looks of things. I'm already excited for this because this is a sequel but just on its own as a first chapter, this happens to be really quite strong too.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the place to start here. I'm glad to see some more of our characters from the Accidental Magic. Well, I'm excited to see where this goes. Already it seems we're kind of just picking up from exactly where we left off earlier and with a very believable visit by some reporters. Loving that vibe already.
Well that's quite the note to start off on. This whole twist of famousness is an interesting addition there. I wonder how that's going to play into the story later. For now though, just seeing how we've got these mysterious visions is doing wonders to already make us hooked into this second story.
Well that's quite the start here. I love that we go into Charlotte having done quite some thinking into these dreams that she's having and having made sense of exactly what it could all mean and not mean. That just makes the whole situation that much scarier to see how Charlotte has come to the only reason conclusion which is that things are bad.
Well that's an interesting little side plot there. I have no idea if those ants that Ellie owns are going to come into play later but I love that amongst all the scariness being established you've given a little bit of extra attention to some ants as pets too. It adds a nice little detail honestly.
Hmm this is a good place to end I think. You introduce a little problem there and a couple of exciting things and then end with the promise that this whole day is about to become quite interesting. I think that's really nicely done there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, quite the chapter think. You've done a pretty solid job of getting this story started nice and quickly and already making us very curious to see what could possible be in store for these children this time.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate