Ellie raced down the mountain, at a jog-walking pace, to keep from falling flat on her face. (She did it once before, and broke her nose.) This was amazing! A UNICORN! She almost shrieked with both delight and excitement. Ellie felt a gigantic thrill of excitement, and realized she was almost at the bottom of the mountain!
She jumped over a boulder as gracefully as she could. Ellie would have injured herself, except for the fact that the boulder was disappointingly small. She continued racing down, singing about unicorns.
"I am going to meet a unicorn! A hoooooorse with a horn! But the horn has magic in it! So I can ride it! And unicorns like rainbows and flowers! And cotton candy don't forget about that too... I am the best, because all unicorns like me and only meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Yeah!" Ellie sang. She knew that the words didn't rhyme, not that she cared. She honestly sucked at writing music, but what did that matter now? She had a- cue heavenly choir- unicorn! *pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbows playing in background*
Ellie raced across a grass meadow, with the sun shining on her face. "Pink fluffy unicorn dancing on dancing on dancing on--- RAINBOWS!" Ellie yelled. "Rainbows!" She danced a bit. (Cue flashback)
five years ago
Ellie was staring at her wall. It was covered in unicorn posters. She was lying upside-down on her unicorn bed spread, covered in unicorn stuffed animals. She was wearing unicorn slippers, unicorn pajamas, and a unicorn horn headband.
"What're you doing?" six- year old Charlotte was staring at her from the doorway curiously. "Unicorns again?" Her eyes flickered to the walls.
"Why don't you like unicorns?" asked Ellie curiously.
"They're horses with horns." said Charlotte. "One wrong move and they impale you." (That provided a disturbing image)
"Well-"
Back to the present
"Ow!" said Ellie, cutting off her flashback. The staff was burning her now, extremely painfully. She stared ahead. She was at an old, old fortress.
"You have reached your destination," said the staff. "It is on your right." It glowed blue, before it finally cooled off blissfully. Ellie slowly walked in. And then- she saw the strangest thing.
She saw herself.
"Who- what the he-" began she. Ellie was staring right back at Ellie, except she had dark hair and a pale complexion.
"I'm you," she said coldly.
Ellie screamed.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This was a pretty interesting chapter I think. We establish about exactly how Ellie manages to be quite this excited for this quest. I think its another nice chapter that also functions as a bit of a regroup although this one does end with a much more potent cliffhanger there.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that was quite the start. It seems Ellie is very, very excited about potentially getting to talk with a unicorn. I didn't expect to have quite this much of a reaction but this is very endearing to see there.
Oooh well it seems after all of that we're launching into a flashback. Well that's an interesting choice, especially to see exactly what sort of situation we're going to be linking right back to.
Ooooh well this is quite the little scene here. I love the way that you've both established quite how much of an obsession Ellie seemed to have with unicorns while also showcasing a bit extra there about Charlotte and how she might react to the unicorn.
Well that does seem like a pretty terrifying experience there. This staff is certainly not playing about when it comes to these little things. I'm very excited to see what more this staff does and also how this interaction will end up playing out here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this is a pretty solid chapter I think. I see that you've already got the next chapter so I'm going to try and do that as quickly as I can because this ending is a very powerful cliffhanger there.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
thanks!
So Ellie has an evil twin? Interesting…wonder what the evil twin is going to do. Take Ellie’s unicorn? If the twin gets to it first, will the unicorn become evil? Because the twin is controlling it? Ellie’s going to have to be extra careful. The witches are one thing, but an evil twin? Forget it.
Hopefully Ellie gets to the unicorn first.
I enjoyed this chapter. I wish you a fabulous day/night.
thank you!