Young Writers Society

I'm a huge symphonic metal fan and am also reminded of Amon Amarth. I'm also a complete sucker for epic-sounding lyrics, so I really enjoyed this.

I have a few very nitpicky suggestions and one slightly less nitpicky suggestion. The less nitpicky suggestion is that the four ending lines starting with "this is our life..." be moved to after the second verse to serve as a bridge. I often feel like a strong bridge can be the crux of the song and I think those last four lines would make a great bridge, but that suggestion is very influenced by what I like to hear when I listen to music.

The nitpicky suggestions are as follows: 1) Maybe reformat this so the verses are labeled as well. I had a little bit of a hard time reading it at first. 2) "Blood runs red in our eyes" sounds like blood is literally running into the speakers' eyes, which would be something of a problem on the battlefield. Maybe "blood runs red before our eyes". 3) "This is what we work for" seems like a little bit of an understatement given the epic-ness of the rest of the piece. Maybe "this is what we live for" or "this is what they die for" (that...does happen in battle) instead.

I hope to see more of your lyrics in the future!

Hey! Here to review your lyrics.

I really liked this. I felt like the rhyme and flow was really good. I'd love to hear you sing this. I would have liked to see more verses because it seems rather short. Also hearts doesn't rhyme with depart. But I don't think that's such a big issue.

Sorry this review was so short (it'll probably not be counted as a review but at least I tried ahah). Anyway don't ever stop writing and I want to see more from you,
Alice

Haredrier here for a review!
I really like the lyrics, they remind me of Amon Amarth (the song "For Victory or Death" in particular). There's a part where there the rhyme doesn't really fit, due to the plural "hearts" being used:

"And when the sword is buried and peace has come

we ride away with joy in our hearts

for success is ours once again

and with honor and courage we shall depart."


Another part looks like it rhymes on paper, but the pronunciation is off ("Mars" with "wars"). Other than these minor errors, I thoroughly enjoyed reading these lyrics. Keep up the good work and don't stop writing!

- Haredrier