Verse
When I close my eyes
There isn't anything I could see
But if I think just right
Things will come to me.
Pre-chorus
I see swords and pens mingled together
Escaping the labyrinth with wings of gold feathers
Helicopters constructed in midair
Inexplicably dramatic love affairs.
Chorus
And I believe
I believe in all of those things.
In gods
Goddesses
What wishing might bring.
I believe
I believe that someday
One day
I'm going to be a hero, someday.
Verse 2
Night falls over my head
I take in the nightmares I've been having in the dark
My dream crops to me are being fed
And I continue growing them on my sleep farm.
Pre-chorus
Camp Half-Blood prevailing over attacks
Silena leaving and not coming back
Elysium and Cerberus and Medea potions
Fighting and sparring and quick-thinking motions.
Chorus
And I believe
I believe in all of those things
In gods
Goddesses
What wishes might bring.
I believe
That someday
One day
I'm going to be a hero, someday.
Sub-chorus
I don't know if it's true, and I don't really care
It distracts me from fears and from nightmares
From endless deaths and injuries looming
My fandom beliefs almost consume me.
Chorus
And I believe
I believe in all of those things.
In gods
Goddesses
What wishes might bring.
I believe
That someday
One day
I'm going to be a hero, someday.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,422 Reviews
Hey this is pretty cool! Somehow stumbled upon it and it's awesome. I don't really know that much about songwriting (besides what I learned from my time in like 4th grade. *cringe*) but this is pretty cool. I always like cool bridges (or sub chorus as you called it I believe... again my knowledge is from the days when I thought I would be a song writer 😂)
But I REALLY LOVED THISSSS
Hello there Wise!
Honestly, I like this song a lot better then the other one because of the fact that the subject of this piece is about fantasy and creatures of fantasy. It's not the usual genres of music one might stumble upon so I think that alone makes it very unique and different. I didn't spot any grammar, spelling, or punctuation mistakes so that's a plus. Well done on this as well. I really enjoyed reading this. Have a good afternoon. -IceWinifredd
Thanks! You too.
Hey, Wise!
I repeat what jazzy has just said...
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS! I think you should be some form of a song writer when you grow up - if not for a full time job - at least try to go somewhere with it, this was just incredible. Yet again, repeating what jazzy said below, it was sooooo smooth, it flowed ever so well. It was creative, fun, bubbly - I just keep singing it over and over. I can imagine this being on the radio.
My favourite line:
Your song was so inspiring <3 it is a million times better than the ones I've heard on the radio. You have put so much thought, so much emotion into this. It's just so awesome. Thank you for posting this!
Yours sincerely,
Traunt
You're so welcome! Thank you for loving it!
I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT
Well... you get the point!
Seriously though, this is perfect! I sang it in my head twice and everything worked; the flow, rhyming and beat.
Are you going to sing this and put it on Soundcloud or something? Have you already?
I really think you should.
No, sorry. Dunno.
One thing I noticed pretty quickly was that you haven't titled the verses as verses as you have done with the chorus and the pre-chorus. It was a little confusing (especially with YWS spacing) and for a while I thought you had a very long chorus containing two sub-choruses.
Also, while there were fandom references within song, it didn't seem like they were regular enough to make this fanfiction. I would suggest putting it in a word processor and highlighting your references then either spreading them out or adding some in.
That being said, I very much enjoyed those references and I thought they were a great balance between subtle and feel-inducing. I loved the sentiment and the hope and I feel your desperation about the shows, books and films I love. I remember once 'Starter For 10 actors' came up on pointless and I was alone in the room so I curled up on the floor and wriggled excitedly around. You have conveyed that perfectly here.
I'll end with a reference you may appreciate:
I didn't choose the fandom life, the fandom life took my hand and whispered, "Run!"
Hehe. Thank you!
You're welcome
Heya wisegirl22! Writer88 here to write a review. Last one to earn a review star! Squee!!!
For example: "Fighting and sparring and quick-thinking motions." You could replace "quick-thinking" with a word like acute or alert. Many other places, too.
Overall, it was an interesting song. Some critiques:
Add some more description, vivid vocabulary and imagery.
Maybe in your description, you could tell them the background information, just in case they don't know what you are talking about, though I think most of them do.
Now for happiness: I liked your idea, it was original and an awesome song! I like your avatar!
Good job on your review star!
Thanks for the review, and the praise. I don't really like background description, and anybody who clicks on this can just go back and choose another thing if they don't understand. And if anyone asks, I can explain here.
Thx! Your welcs! And that' just my opinion, you don't have to change it of you don't want to.
Okay. Thx!
Your welcs!
Changed my avvie.
Ya it's cute!
Yup!
Why did you say yup?
Sorry. Mistake...
Oh. Well, no matter!
Hehe.
Heh...