Verse
I reach out
Hoping to find a source of light
Pulling back
Drawing to the shadows of the night.
Never have I seen the light of day
Nor have I seen the brightness
But no matter what you say
I'll disappear in the madness.
Pre-chorus
I fight away the looming dark
Wishing for something to light my path
Making an inevitable mark
I finally face the wrath.
Chorus
Never mind the darkness
Pull back into the light
You never know what waits for you
It's them you gotta find
Don't be afraid, child,
Don't leave in fear
'Cause you know who's on your side
I'll always be right here.
Verse
Burrow down
Taking cover beneath your fears
Rising up
Whispering falls inside your ears.
The fright doesn't matter
It's the clarity that does
And know that we'll accept you
You'll finally get some love.
Pre-chorus
I know you have it in you
Struggling to come out of deep hiding
The lightness is your big cue
It's now time to rise and start fighting.
Chorus
Never mind the darkness
Pull back into the light
You never know what waits for you
It's them you gotta find
Don't be afraid, child,
Don't leave in fear
'Cause you know who's on your side
I'll always be right here.
Sub-chorus
The nightmares are gone, you're no longer scared
The gleeful cackles and grim smiles are now deeply rare
You don't know how much you changed
The darkness didn't frighten you anyway...
Short Chorus
You're no longer afraid, child
You don't live in fear
Because you finally realized that you'll prevail
I'll always be right here.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Not bad. I felt like a lot of the rhyming was forced, like you struggled in finding words that held the meaning that you wanted to convey but wanted them to sound the same as well. Other than that, I like the meaning of the song and I think you've done a great job with it. Nice work and my apologies if I can't give you any more constructive criticism. Everything else was fine. -IceWinifredd
Thanks!
Hi!
What I liked about this was that you've got a really cool theme running through the whole song about light and darkness, which is something good to drive your lyrics. I also thought the layout was good, I like the use of a pre-chorus, and a short chorus.
In terms of singing and melody, and just in relation to the rest of the lyrics, I feel like 'blackness' isn't a suitable word here. It sort of gives the song more of an even sadder vibe, and unless that's what you were going for, I think another word would be better. I would say 'darkness' but I see you use that in the following lines, however to be honest, there's nothing really wrong with repeating words.
Light and darkness is something that I, just by thinking of the words, have lots of images coming to my mind. But the question is, what comes to your mind when you think of them? I think some more imagery in these lyrics would be great because right now there isn't a lot. There's loads of 'you' and 'I' starting sentences, but I think there could be some more descriptions about the darkness.
Also, I'm left wondering what you're trying to say here, it's all a bit confusing and slightly repetitive with the 'I' and 'you' starting sentences. It's up to you, but maybe you could put a bridge in this song. A bridge is usually used to sort of sum up everything, or talk about the conclusion of the lyrics, so if you put one in you could write about your main message.
All in all, these were some good lyrics, it created quite a cool atmosphere because light and darkness are two opposite things. Perhaps you could add some more imagery and think about the message of your song. I hope this review helped, feel free to ask me any questions or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Thank you!
Yes, I was going for the sad vibe.
Hi there, wisegirl22!
Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.
I like that this has a nice message. Your language usage isn't too bad either. That being said, there are a few things that should be changed.
I feel like the beginning contradicts the rest of the song. If the narrator is going to fade into blackness no matter what, then how can they comfort other people? That first verse causes problems with the rest of the lyrics. You should change it.
First they're doomed to fade away, then they're fighting the blackness? If they're doomed, they wouldn't be fighting.
You use darkness and lightness a lot here. I would find different words to communicate the same thing, as these words have become stale already, and I haven't even heard the melody accompanying this song. Find other ways to say what you mean than constantly relying on the overused metaphor of light and dark.
I find it weird that you have used "child" to refer to the other person. I feel like the narrator shouldn't be calling anyone child if they themselves are still battling the dark. The narrator still has growing up to do, and therefore, is still a child themselves. You don't often hear children calling each other child because they don't want to be children anymore.
Anyway, I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy writing!
Yes, this review was useful. I will make sure I correct some things. Thank you for reviewing!
No, this song is from different people. One grown up, and maybe one nine year old girl?...
If your song is from the point of view of two different people, you need to illustrate that more clearly in the song.
Oh, I think the darkness and the confusion is a good metaphor, but if you want me to...
You are the author. I am not the author. These are suggestions. You don't have to do anything I tell you to. But I think following my suggestions would make it better.
Hello EPICnumber 1 here...
all in all this is a lovely song
xxxx
I like this song and I think you have a melody to it as well. The message is clear through out this piece. I like the reassuring line at the end of the chorus "I'll always be right here". I think it is too short try to add a few more verses. I love your ideas but the words you used are a little bit too simple try to add some more complicated words in to this. When it says " different part" try to come up with a better way to say it because in my opinion it sounds kind of off putting. The verses are also a little bit too short try to add a few more lines on to that but if you have a melody to this and my ideas don't work ignore them or change the melody what ever suits you.
EPICnumber1
Thanks, EPICnumber1, and thanks for following. You are really nice, I hope you are a big success in your future!
Aw you are so kind but I bet you will be much more of a success because you have started young. You are so nice if you need a review or anything just drop me a PM
K, thx!
Can you review chapter nine of my story? I'm open to nice critique.
I sure can what is it called?
Eidolons, Possessing, and Killing-Your-Friend-Day, Oh My! Or something like that.
Link: Going through Time-Chapter Nine: Possessing, Kill-Your-Friend-Day, and Eidolons, Oh My!