Ur Cming Rit *edited*

I honestly had no idea what you were going for with this title, but I really love the message.

I have one thing that I think you could do better: some of this sounds a little choppy, and totally wrong in this poem, even thought it's supposed to be there, like about the kids. I think you should use more imagery, and try and make those lines more connected.

I loved the imagery in the rest of the piece, about how you described the people, and described the car and some things connected with it. I really think that it gave it a little something extra.

The ending made me a very happy person.

Over all, I thought this was a fantastic piece, and I think you have great potential as a poet. This really makes you think about how texting can wait. Keep up the great work girl! You're rocking it!!!!

Hey there... theRight-Shoe here! I loved the message that you were driving at! (pun intended)
The title is what really sucked me in and the poem is beautifully written! There have been many poems that try propagating the many social evils of the new age Gen but very few talk about texting and driving!
I love how you diversify your victims, clearly showing that the mangled bodies in a car wreck can resemble anyone!
It is a really good piece though i only wish that you would have incorporated more sentimental or humane factors rather than letting your readers draw views on the repercussions of texting and driving.
Overall... i enjoyed this poem!

This is a really good piece and idea but a couple of points have really let you down.
Firstly, you are very low on imagery. I have two aids for that. First, include more metaphors and similes, like that brilliant one of a hot air balloon. Secondly, try short, punchy sentences. This is really good for getting bald, stark facts across quickly, which helps show the suddenness of the situation.
The other thing is, the text is a brilliant surprise. Pity I already knew it from the title and description. I seriously recommend editing to a different title.
Yours in reviewing,
Take That You Fiend!

Hi there Lylas! Niteowl here to review for the Mystery Machine this fine Review Day!

Now, it's difficult to write a poem with a message like this without sounding preachy. Overall, I think you did a good job with this. I actually like the somewhat ambiguous ending, how it's unclear if anyone survives or what happens to the speaker.

What I think could use some work is the beginning. The "time slowing down" thing is used a lot. While I think it could work here, I think it would be better to get into the speaker's head before the crash. Where is she? Why is she going so fast? Did she have the phone somewhere she could easily see/hear/grab it or was it hidden in her purse? Why did she have that sense of urgency, that this text must be read/answered RIGHT NOW? I think answering these questions would create a more complete picture as she realizes how insignificant it really was.

Overall, this is a good piece about something a lot of us have done/are tempted to do (yes, myself included). I think making the speaker feel a bit more human would make the message sink in better. Keep writing!

OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!

This is probably one of the most beautiful "new age" poems I've read in the longest time!
It was so poetically unpoetic that I fell in love after the first three lines!
My favorite part had to be
"Then time resumes,
And I whisper,
"I'm sorry.""
I'm not going to lie, this poem actually made me tear up a bit, and I'm not one to be soft!
You've done something brilliant. I also love the vibe it gives off about texting while driving!! You made it extremely clear that you're against it.
And not to mention how you went about spelling the text. It put a certain emphasis on the whole situation that I simply cannot explain.
Wonderful job!

Good Luck To You!

Hi i'm fallen here to review.
First off when i saw the title i thought this isn't going to end well in the grammar department but after reading the description, i thought the title was very well thought of and that this topic is indeed an issue that needs to be addressed. What i liked about this piece is that you started out and went with what happens during a car crash with nice imagery details such as

'The shattered glass is like crystals around me.

The twisted metal looks like a sculpture.

The airbag looks like a hot air balloon.'

What i also enjoyed about this work was that you spaced it out like it was going fast all at once but frozen.

The only thing that caught my attention in a bad way was that you did not continue the pattern of three in your stanzas. Which, doesn't change how the reader reads this piece in the littlest bit.

My favorite line in your work was this

'And then time stops,

Everything's frozen.'

I liked it because it sent chills down my spine with an eerie tone when i read it which was brilliant.
Overall really good job and hope that you continue to press this issue.
~Fallen