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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

The Many Gifts of Malia--Part 76: "The Underworld"

by dragonfphoenix


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Before gathering Phemonoe for her Peklonic journey, I sent a handful of messengers to Maas Taeful so Hasda could prepare for our trip after. I didn’t tell him anything beyond our destination, and that it was business only. No need to worry him about Jade’s situation or set his expectations about seeing her there.

On the way to the High Oracle’s temple, I swung by Thane’s to ask after the spirits of the previous Oracles. He wasn’t in his temple, or in the vicinity of mine, but in a far too self-evident turn of affairs I found him in Azoria’s inner chambers. They were decent, because Thane was sick, but if he hadn’t and I’d forgotten to knock there was a high likelihood they wouldn’t have been. I plowed through the awkwardness and ignored his feeble attempt at giving me the Scythe again to make my request.

The spirits had migrated through the second tunnel to the third. When a soul came to Peklo, it crossed the Xekoili Lake and traveled through Sisiranga–six tunnels–on its way to its eternal resting place. The oldest souls in our pantheon had only reached the fifth, although a few of the lighter ones had raced all the way to the mouth of the sixth.

The fact that the Oracles had only reached the third meant they had clumped together and were traveling in a pack. It wasn’t unusual for a spirit to resist the descent, and some had even returned to previous passages, but very rarely did multi-generational souls band together. At least it would make finding them easier, once we were down there. Bidding Thane health and success on his endeavors, I set out to meet Phemonoe.

She was waiting for me on the steps of her temple. Long hair bound in curling bundles, she wore simple robes and had foregone her jewelry. Not even a simple hoop bracelet or chain necklace adorned her. The only exception was a silver needle, capped by a polished diamond, that pinned her pile of curls off her neck. Bags under her eyes deepened the already dark shade of brown, although her face held its color today.

I met her rueful smile with a confident one. “Ready for the underworld?”

“I must confess a bit of nerves about the whole affair.” She absently tugged at her sleeves and watched a pair of three-legged cyclops cross the road. “It feels strange to enter Peklo with the God of Death before my time.”

Grunting, I took her hand and led her down the stairs. “I’m not the God of Death anymore–”

“Yet,” she said, a glint in her eyes.

“–and even if I were, I wouldn’t keep you there against your will. Peklo is no place for the living.”

“Your ability to instill confidence hasn’t changed a bit,” Phemonoe said, a nervous laugh slipping out.

Putting my back to her, I scowled as I opened my portal.

She reached up and patted my shoulder. “You tried. I appreciate that.”

“How familiar are you with the depths of Peklo?” My portal flared open with surprising ease, the orange line sparking as my fingers traced the air. It opened to a dimly lit beach of russet sand, guttering torches ensconced in the stone. I’d kept the opening far enough away from the lake that its noxious fumes wouldn’t belch out, but I could do nothing about the heat.

“Enough to know that it’s unpleasant,” she said. Her nose wrinkled as the humid air wafted over us. “Will we be going far?”

“Not too far, but still a considerable distance.” Stopping my nose, I pulled Phemonoe after me into the cloying heat. The stench hit us the moment I closed my portal. Even with my sense of smell plugged, the fetor of the underworld tickled my gag reflex. I extended my aura to shelter the High Oracle against the smell as best I could.

Phemonoe held her sleeve over her nose, her eyes watering. “Does that get worse?”

I nodded. “Once we’re past the Xekoili Lake and into the tunnels it will recede, but only slightly. It gets less acidic and more rank the lower we go into Sisiranga, though.”

“Lead the way.” Tears escaped her eyes, and she clamped the other sleeve on top of the first.

We shuffled awkwardly across the sand, not daring to breathe more than the minimum. Open-mouthed didn’t help much, as the odor crept up our throats and invaded our nostrils from the rear. Many bends and a short eternity later, the sand finally found the shallow waters of the lake. Putrid water the color of bile lapped the shore. Where waves crashed, filmy piss-colored bubbles frothed, floating on the surface for long minutes before popping one by one. The jagged walls bowed above us, bending together to form a dome surprisingly free of stalactites. In all my centuries the dangling stone spears had yet to form, despite the omnipresent drops that fell like beads of sweat from its uneven ceiling.

Noses clogged, we plunged into the waters, wet up to our ankles. The lakebed squished underfoot, the dark sand mixing with clay. A few souls appeared and floated along beside us, vague outlines of pale steam. One of the more energetic departed raced ahead, angling for the cavernous mouth on the opposite wall. When it reached the opening, it dissipated as a cacophony of honks heralded its arrival.

A rustle of feathers preceded the appearance of Xinva, the giant four-winged goose that guarded the entrance to Sisiranga and one of the few divine beasts closely associated with our pantheon. Brown feathers traced with white lines covered his wings, while his throat and body were covered in white, downy feathers. A stripe of chocolate feathers coated the back of his neck like armor, and a bulbous black protrusion stuck out above a matching beak. His feet, a loud, bright blue, stood at odds with his somber plumage and surroundings, but seemed fitting for the raucous fowl.

Spreading his double wings, Xinva squawked and snapped at the approaching spirits. They quaked, as all new arrivals did, at the sight and sound of the goose. When they found themselves still intact, despite his snipping and honking, they pulled themselves together and passed through the gateway. With the specters gone, Xinva turned his head sideways and stared at us with one beady eye.

I stood barely to the base of his neck, but I still carried an aura that dwarfed his imposing presence. Even without the display of power, Xinva recognized me and shuffled back, fluttering his wings and chirping. I patted his chest as we passed, earning a contented hoot.

Phemonoe looked over her shoulder several times long after we’d left Xinva far behind.

“Impressive, isn’t he?” My voice rebounded in strange ways off the wet walls. They’d traded their ragged texture for a lumpier one, and the diameter of the tunnel shrank and grew in irregular intervals as we descended. Ambient light, a sickly red hue, filled the tunnels from no visible source.

The Oracle frowned as her next step squelched. “Will we see him again?”

“You don’t like birds?” I glanced down at her.

She gave a nervous laugh. “There was just something…unsettling about him.”

I nodded. “He bars the worst of the spirits from the underworld, and binds the remainder to their journey onwards. But he won’t follow us, so you’ll just have to wait until we leave to get another peek.”

Lips pursed, she gave me a sour look. My joke was appreciated, then. I smiled, and we continued on.

Before we reached the Sisiranga, we traveled down a tunnel that was nearly vertical. A lone lantern hung from the ceiling above, the only visible light source emitting a glow that flirted with orange. Contrasted to the red haze that clung to the craggy surfaces, it was the warmest light in Peklo. Once we finished our spiral down the lumpy stones that passed for stairs, it would be hidden from sight, and none would take its place. In all my centuries, I’d never discovered the source of Peklo’s omnipresent, scarlet glow, and at this point I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

We reached the bottom, Phemonoe slightly dizzy from the winding. A dark opening beckoned us into the first of the tunnels. Feeling the spirit of the Apkalla chill in my bones, I stopped with the Oracle at the threshold.

“I have a brief bit of business to attend to on the way.” I pulled up my sleeves and sloughed off my skin. With the Scythe, I wouldn’t need to shed the pounds to pull the soul from my bones, but for now, my skeletal form would do.

Phemonoe politely ignored my melting flesh.

“Also, don’t pay the Avoso any mind.” I squirmed under my robes and shook them to get the muscle off faster. “They’ll only bother the spirits, but try not to touch them.”

“And they are?” she said.

I gave her a lipless grin. "You’ll see.”


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Fri Aug 12, 2022 9:54 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is about exactly what I was excepting from this chapter. A wonderful collection of little stories about what sort of place the Underworld is coupled with some really well done descriptions and hints as to what might happen down there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Before gathering Phemonoe for her Peklonic journey, I sent a handful of messengers to Maas Taeful so Hasda could prepare for our trip after. I didn’t tell him anything beyond our destination, and that it was business only. No need to worry him about Jade’s situation or set his expectations about seeing her there.

On the way to the High Oracle’s temple, I swung by Thane’s to ask after the spirits of the previous Oracles. He wasn’t in his temple, or in the vicinity of mine, but in a far too self-evident turn of affairs I found him in Azoria’s inner chambers. They were decent, because Thane was sick, but if he hadn’t and I’d forgotten to knock there was a high likelihood they wouldn’t have been. I plowed through the awkwardness and ignored his feeble attempt at giving me the Scythe again to make my request.

The spirits had migrated through the second tunnel to the third. When a soul came to Peklo, it crossed the Xekoili Lake and traveled through Sisiranga–six tunnels–on its way to its eternal resting place. The oldest souls in our pantheon had only reached the fifth, although a few of the lighter ones had raced all the way to the mouth of the sixth.


Okayy...that sounds like a very exhausting journey there, well this is certainly an interesting take on a underworld. I've seen a couple of semi similar ones before but I don't think I've heard of this exact one before. Well, let's see how it turns out to be.

The fact that the Oracles had only reached the third meant they had clumped together and were traveling in a pack. It wasn’t unusual for a spirit to resist the descent, and some had even returned to previous passages, but very rarely did multi-generational souls band together. At least it would make finding them easier, once we were down there. Bidding Thane health and success on his endeavors, I set out to meet Phemonoe.

She was waiting for me on the steps of her temple. Long hair bound in curling bundles, she wore simple robes and had foregone her jewelry. Not even a simple hoop bracelet or chain necklace adorned her. The only exception was a silver needle, capped by a polished diamond, that pinned her pile of curls off her neck. Bags under her eyes deepened the already dark shade of brown, although her face held its color today.

I met her rueful smile with a confident one. “Ready for the underworld?”

“I must confess a bit of nerves about the whole affair.” She absently tugged at her sleeves and watched a pair of three-legged cyclops cross the road. “It feels strange to enter Peklo with the God of Death before my time.”


Well...I suppose for a mortal that is certainly a pretty big moment although the fact that she is being relatively calm about the whole situation probably has to do with the fact that they have been to some fairly crazy places that should have melted brains already. I suppose the underworld might actually be almost simpler.

Grunting, I took her hand and led her down the stairs. “I’m not the God of Death anymore–”

“Yet,” she said, a glint in her eyes.

“–and even if I were, I wouldn’t keep you there against your will. Peklo is no place for the living.”

“Your ability to instill confidence hasn’t changed a bit,” Phemonoe said, a nervous laugh slipping out.

Putting my back to her, I scowled as I opened my portal.

She reached up and patted my shoulder. “You tried. I appreciate that.”


Well...I'm sure Charax can give a better pep talk than that...but well, it certainly was a fun moment to start off what I am assuming is not going to exactly be a sunshine and rainbows type chapter here.

“How familiar are you with the depths of Peklo?” My portal flared open with surprising ease, the orange line sparking as my fingers traced the air. It opened to a dimly lit beach of russet sand, guttering torches ensconced in the stone. I’d kept the opening far enough away from the lake that its noxious fumes wouldn’t belch out, but I could do nothing about the heat.

“Enough to know that it’s unpleasant,” she said. Her nose wrinkled as the humid air wafted over us. “Will we be going far?”

“Not too far, but still a considerable distance.” Stopping my nose, I pulled Phemonoe after me into the cloying heat. The stench hit us the moment I closed my portal. Even with my sense of smell plugged, the fetor of the underworld tickled my gag reflex. I extended my aura to shelter the High Oracle against the smell as best I could.

Phemonoe held her sleeve over her nose, her eyes watering. “Does that get worse?”

I nodded. “Once we’re past the Xekoili Lake and into the tunnels it will recede, but only slightly. It gets less acidic and more rank the lower we go into Sisiranga, though.”


Hmmm... the slight heat there is certainly no surprise but the smell, that's not something you run into too often, or at least I haven't seen too many underworlds with that going for it, although, it does definitely make a lot of sense for this to happen in an underworld.

“Lead the way.” Tears escaped her eyes, and she clamped the other sleeve on top of the first.

We shuffled awkwardly across the sand, not daring to breathe more than the minimum. Open-mouthed didn’t help much, as the odor crept up our throats and invaded our nostrils from the rear. Many bends and a short eternity later, the sand finally found the shallow waters of the lake. Putrid water the color of bile lapped the shore. Where waves crashed, filmy piss-colored bubbles frothed, floating on the surface for long minutes before popping one by one. The jagged walls bowed above us, bending together to form a dome surprisingly free of stalactites. In all my centuries the dangling stone spears had yet to form, despite the omnipresent drops that fell like beads of sweat from its uneven ceiling.

Noses clogged, we plunged into the waters, wet up to our ankles. The lakebed squished underfoot, the dark sand mixing with clay. A few souls appeared and floated along beside us, vague outlines of pale steam. One of the more energetic departed raced ahead, angling for the cavernous mouth on the opposite wall. When it reached the opening, it dissipated as a cacophony of honks heralded its arrival.


Oooh, this is setting the mood quite nicely I think for this place. The description here is wonderfully vivid and its really doing an amazing job of showcasing the kind of atmosphere that's being built up right here.

A rustle of feathers preceded the appearance of Xinva, the giant four-winged goose that guarded the entrance to Sisiranga and one of the few divine beasts closely associated with our pantheon. Brown feathers traced with white lines covered his wings, while his throat and body were covered in white, downy feathers. A stripe of chocolate feathers coated the back of his neck like armor, and a bulbous black protrusion stuck out above a matching beak. His feet, a loud, bright blue, stood at odds with his somber plumage and surroundings, but seemed fitting for the raucous fowl.

Spreading his double wings, Xinva squawked and snapped at the approaching spirits. They quaked, as all new arrivals did, at the sight and sound of the goose. When they found themselves still intact, despite his snipping and honking, they pulled themselves together and passed through the gateway. With the specters gone, Xinva turned his head sideways and stared at us with one beady eye.


Oooh, well that is certainly not a guardian animal that I have heard of or seen before. Definitely one of the more unique ones that I've managed to run into and its adding an odd bit of humor to this otherwise more serious sounding entry to the underworld here for some reason.

I stood barely to the base of his neck, but I still carried an aura that dwarfed his imposing presence. Even without the display of power, Xinva recognized me and shuffled back, fluttering his wings and chirping. I patted his chest as we passed, earning a contented hoot.

Phemonoe looked over her shoulder several times long after we’d left Xinva far behind.

“Impressive, isn’t he?” My voice rebounded in strange ways off the wet walls. They’d traded their ragged texture for a lumpier one, and the diameter of the tunnel shrank and grew in irregular intervals as we descended. Ambient light, a sickly red hue, filled the tunnels from no visible source.

The Oracle frowned as her next step squelched. “Will we see him again?”


Hmm well it seems like despite that being an oddly adorable moment for Charax there, which does make a lot of sense given exactly who he happens to be, it wasn't the most pleasant experience for our mortal guest there.

“You don’t like birds?” I glanced down at her.

She gave a nervous laugh. “There was just something…unsettling about him.”

I nodded. “He bars the worst of the spirits from the underworld, and binds the remainder to their journey onwards. But he won’t follow us, so you’ll just have to wait until we leave to get another peek.”

Lips pursed, she gave me a sour look. My joke was appreciated, then. I smiled, and we continued on.

Before we reached the Sisiranga, we traveled down a tunnel that was nearly vertical. A lone lantern hung from the ceiling above, the only visible light source emitting a glow that flirted with orange. Contrasted to the red haze that clung to the craggy surfaces, it was the warmest light in Peklo. Once we finished our spiral down the lumpy stones that passed for stairs, it would be hidden from sight, and none would take its place. In all my centuries, I’d never discovered the source of Peklo’s omnipresent, scarlet glow, and at this point I wasn’t sure I wanted to.


Well that's a nice lovely chilling thought to end that on. Nothing quite like a mysterious light in the underworld even the god of death himself has always been too scared to ignore. Although I suppose that fear is more recent than anything.

We reached the bottom, Phemonoe slightly dizzy from the winding. A dark opening beckoned us into the first of the tunnels. Feeling the spirit of the Apkalla chill in my bones, I stopped with the Oracle at the threshold.

“I have a brief bit of business to attend to on the way.” I pulled up my sleeves and sloughed off my skin. With the Scythe, I wouldn’t need to shed the pounds to pull the soul from my bones, but for now, my skeletal form would do.

Phemonoe politely ignored my melting flesh.

“Also, don’t pay the Avoso any mind.” I squirmed under my robes and shook them to get the muscle off faster. “They’ll only bother the spirits, but try not to touch them.”

“And they are?” she said.

I gave her a lipless grin. "You’ll see.”


Well...it seems these creatures are certainly going to be fun given the entire next chapter appears to be named after that. At any rate, this makes for quite solid ending here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this makes for a very solid little platform here to see just quite how this whole phase of the story is going to plan out. I think you've done a very good job establishing the underworld and what its like here so that we can dive right to business in the next chapters.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Jun 19, 2022 8:03 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



I'm back for part 76, and what a chapter it was! Unfortunately as I haven't read such a chunk of this I don't know whether this was out first glimpse of the underworld or not, but seeing it through Phemonoe's eyes worked really well as it gave Charax reason to explain things without it seeming like you were doing too much in the way of information overload.

I, similar to Plume, am not usually a big fan of worldbuilding. I read a lot of fantasy as a teenager but then kind of grew out of it and a lot of the light fantasy I read now takes place in our world. But I think this worked really well. There's enough information that I can picture the setting and understand why Phemonoe was reluctant to go there but also not so much that I find it overwhelming. It's really interesting to get an insight into Charax's world before he left it.

The only thing for me was that I found the beginning of this chapter to be a bit too long. I know that he had to find both Thane and then Phemonoe to progress but I found myself getting a bit distracted at the start (although this could well be an effect of reading just one chapter at a time!)

Overall though a really good chapter, with lots of hints about what's coming next that I'm looking forward to reading!

Happy Sunday

Icy




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Tue Apr 05, 2022 12:05 am
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review! Sorry that it's a little late; time really got away from me this past week!

This was a fun chapter! I liked the journey to Peklo and how well you described the environment of it. Phemonoe definitely doesn't seem to be too psyched about going down there, but I wonder if she'll come more into her element when conversing with the souls of old Oracles. That chapter ending is quite interesting too; I'm beginning to dread what these so-called Avoso are. (Though I did notice they lend their name to the next chapter... hmmm.)

I loved the little tidbits of information we got about how the underworld/death works in this pantheon. I'm not normally a big fan of worldbuilding, but peppering it throughout the story when it's relevant is by far the best way to do it, in my opinion. The progression of souls was a clever thing, especially the part about how many of them haven't actually reached the end. I also like the fact that there's just. A goose. In the underworld. I feel like you've captured the near absurdity of some belief systems in the real world, but also, why shouldn't there be a goose in the underworld? I also enjoyed the description of him a lot; again, you come in strong with this wide imagination for creating things that just seamlessly blend with the world and flesh it out even more.

Specifics

Bags under her eyes deepened the already dark shade of brown, although her face held its color today.


I think there needs to be a hyphen after "already" since it makes up a compound adjective.

We shuffled awkwardly across the sand, not daring to breathe more than the minimum. Open-mouthed didn’t help much, as the odor crept up our throats and invaded our nostrils from the rear. Many bends and a short eternity later, the sand finally found the shallow waters of the lake. Putrid water the color of bile lapped the shore. Where waves crashed, filmy piss-colored bubbles frothed, floating on the surface for long minutes before popping one by one. The jagged walls bowed above us, bending together to form a dome surprisingly free of stalactites. In all my centuries the dangling stone spears had yet to form, despite the omnipresent drops that fell like beads of sweat from its uneven ceiling.


That's some great description. I love this entire paragraph; I think it does such a great job of capturing the revulsion of the realm.

Phemonoe politely ignored my melting flesh.


I think this takes the cake for the best sentence in this chapter by far. Love the description you're able to conjure up with this, and it's also got some great tongue-in-cheek humor.

Overall: nice work!! I'm really looking forward to reading more about Charax and Phemonoe's journey into Peklo—I should be able to read and review the next chapter sometime soon! Until next time!!






No worries, I posted a little earlier this week.

Thanks! Yeah, I really hit a stride with this chapter lol. (And I certainly didn't wait until this chapter to actually work out how the underworld worked lol.) Xinva was fun to make! The Avoso were certainly interesting as well, interested to see what you think of them (and the meeting...)




Well, if I can't get this chapter to work....at least I will have exercised my fingers.
— Kaia