z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

The Many Gifts of Malia--Part 89: "The Lakrabua"

by dragonfphoenix


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

It didn’t take long to make my way back inside the mines. With my Veil on, the Tingins didn’t question why I’d returned, and I didn’t bother them as I made my way down the winding shafts. I went with my senses taut, straining to catch any sign of the Ketri as I filtered out the guttering torches. By the time I reached the collapsed shaft that marked the end of the Tingins’ mining operations, the crumbled wall speared with shattered beams, I’d found nothing new. Only the ghosts of the fragmented aura, like rings from mugs on the feasting table, grimed my spiritual fingertips.

I turned to go and, as I did, felt something brush my shoulder. Not a draft, because the torches told me which way the air was flowing, not a miner, and certainly not the Kydonian tiger. A strange crack in the stone that Malia and I had somehow missed suddenly seemed clear as daylight, a dark fissure that contoured itself to the curve of the rock wall. I would’ve called it camouflaged if it weren’t for the utter disarray in the tunnel’s structure caused by the collapse.

My breath caught as I reached for the cleft. Cold pricked my fingers, lancing my palm as my hand moved through viscous air. The world around me warped as something sucked me through the chink.

Blurring darkness swirled and then spat me out. I stumbled to my knees in a cavern awash with iridescent sparkles. In the middle of the chamber, a shallow pool reflected the moon, despite no shafts anywhere in the ceiling to let the night sky through. But this room didn’t seem to care much for the laws of reality.

Across the room, casting no reflection in the pool, stood a pair of columns. Flanked by those columns was an inset door, carved with such monstrous creatures as walked the earth with the elder gods, but of a wholly alien array. The lower half held aquatic beasts, while the upper displayed creatures of land and sky.

Derketo, far more feral and raw than those we’d clashed with in Aenea swam amongst long-necked sea monsters, dwarfed by bulbous creatures with wide flippers and clouded eyes. Below them all, churning the depths, rested a massive dragon with a serpentine tail and a beautiful woman’s face carved in place of a draconic head. Although the depiction didn’t convey how terrible she was in the flesh, this could only be Tamiyat.

Above, a host of scorpion half-men, human upper bodies sprouting from massive scorpion bodies in place of arachnoid heads, guarded the coast under the watchful gaze of six eldritch beasts. A six-headed ram, a wooly man with bull legs and horns, a two-legged snake with eagle wings and head, a desiccated corpse with canines protruding past its lower jaw, an elephant-sized hound, and a dragon with star-studded clouds for wings—all arrayed in a semi-circle around what would have been the focal point of the relief. Instead, the image had been defaced, deep gouges criss-crossing the absence. While I could understand the hatred for even the symbol of the Sea Mother’s mate, I couldn’t shake the irritation at losing the chance to get a glimpse of his form.

That annoyance lessened slightly when I got closer to the door and realized that something outside hadn’t clawed it out, something from within had destroyed it. The grooves had been formed by some force bursting through, although not a pebble remained on the floor in evidence of this passage.

But the imagery made the door’s purpose clear: this could only be the passageway to the cell that held Tamiyat’s companion.

He hadn’t escaped, however. The door was too intact—and we were too alive—for that to have happened. Jade had broken free from this hold herself, but she’d never mentioned ruining the portal. Not only that, but the damage was near the lintel, not on the lower portion. While space didn’t always function according to reason between dimensions, it still felt odd that the defacement would have occurred so high up.

Chills tickled my spine. I was being watched.

In the soft blue light, diffused from the not-moon of the pool, I hadn’t paid close attention to the composition of the walls. At a passing glance, they’d looked like stone, and I’d taken them as such. Probably foolish, in hindsight, given the abnormal nature of my entrance.

Bristling on the walls, like a pinecone turned inside out, hung dozens upon dozens of the scorpion creatures from the relief. With their tails embedded in the stone, they lay like scales upon each other, faces blank in their suspended sleep. Dark, bushy hair curled from their scalps around their throats, forming manes with the follicles that were thicker than reeds. The plating that protected their arachnid abdomens extended up their human torsos as well, terminating at their collarbones. They all lay belly-up, their backs resting on the underbellies of the ones below them, and many slept with their mouths stretched open by the position.

They didn’t need to be unnaturally still for it to be an unsettling sight, and yet they were. I knew they weren’t dead because I could sense the life force within the hive, now that I saw them. But the strength of their spirit was faint, in a scattered manner that brought Hasda’s description to mind.

That just invited a host of uncomfortable questions. Why had he noticed them before, but not now? I couldn’t feel any ebb or flow from the hibernating scorpions, and nothing in the dilation of my strange travel here had indicated any cloaking of this chamber or its contents. If they were the servants of Tamiyat’s mate, as the embossment showed, then why had the Paedens spared them? And if they’d been bound, instead of shown mercy, why outside the dungeon, and not within? And why hadn’t Jade mentioned them? Unless a few survivors had been cast in with her, and escaped the prison behind her. But had a scant number multiplied so quickly? Or had the Paedens ensnared a host?

The pool rippled, disturbing my thoughts and the false moon on its surface. An answering shiver descended through the creatures, a dust cloud darkening the air as the scorpions shifted. Light from the pool caught on the particles, creating constellations I hadn’t seen in millenia, and younger ones at that. They’d taken the night sky and wound time back on itself, a microcosm of stellar history.

I was so entranced that, at first, I didn’t notice the clicking. In echo of the shudder, it crept down the swarm until every encased abdomen trembled with the chittering. Like the drone of locusts, only shrouding an articulation that felt like a trick of the ears. Amongst the whine, I heard their name, “lakrabua,” but I also picked up a sharper chirping that might have been “ketri.” A third name teased my ears, buried under the chatter, a title inarticulable yet primordial, a sound that made my spine itch to run and abandon this place forever.

But then the sound ended, and the eerie calm returned.

I flexed my hands, trying to work the tension out of my palms. My neck was stiff, both from staring up so high and from straining against the panic. Whatever these things were, every instinct screamed that I didn’t want to be here when they awoke. But I wouldn’t have that problem if they never woke up again.

Stifling a manic laugh, I summoned my Scythe, careful not to expend too much energy. No reason to disturb them and rob them of a peaceful death. I didn’t know if the terror they’d induced had enough bite to back it up, but why take unnecessary risks?

By contrast, trying to harvest an entire flock of slumbering ketri by myself was calculated. There was a good chance the rest of the ketri would stir before I’d collected even half of them, but then again they’d languished for at least centuries. They must have suffered some atrophy during their suspension, and they weren’t divine beasts, because their spark held no higher elements. Their elongated suspension was likely a byproduct of the chamber’s influence, given the contents of its cell.

Because of the dust, my footsteps made little sound as I made my way to the nearest lakrabua. The air felt thick as I drew my Scythe back, and it wasn’t until something tugged at the shaft that I realized the density might not have been from my tension. A quick glance told me I wasn’t near the crack, and yet I was being sucked back towards it nevertheless.

I pushed against the Scythe, trying to glean what ketri I could before I was pulled away, but the unknown force dragged me away faster. I’d barely gotten the Scythe out from behind my leg when I became submerged in the swirling sensation I’d experienced on the way in. This time, however, instead of spitting me back into the mineshaft, it deposited me in an eddy, where I hung suspended in the darkness.

No matter how I pushed against the current, I made no headway. The darkness fought back, shoving me back into the lull whenever I pressed too hard against its constraints. My first doubts about my ability to escape this trap were dispelled by the arrival of a murky, amber glow in the distance that appeared in the direction of the tunnel. But that doubt returned as the light grew brighter, and with it the sense of something ancient, and extremely unpalatable, hidden behind it.

Whatever was making that light, I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet it. But, trapped in the darkness as I was, I didn’t have much choice. Swapping my Scythe for my Sword, I braced myself for combat and waited for the newcomer to make themselves known. 


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Fri Aug 26, 2022 4:17 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...well this is a positively terrifying scene with the possibility. Take Charax away from Malia and the prospect of adorable banter and suddenly everything seems more real. Also I suppose my little prediction from the previous chapter is coming true unless of course this presence Charax is feeling turns out to be friendly and proceeds to hug him somehow.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It didn’t take long to make my way back inside the mines. With my Veil on, the Tingins didn’t question why I’d returned, and I didn’t bother them as I made my way down the winding shafts. I went with my senses taut, straining to catch any sign of the Ketri as I filtered out the guttering torches. By the time I reached the collapsed shaft that marked the end of the Tingins’ mining operations, the crumbled wall speared with shattered beams, I’d found nothing new. Only the ghosts of the fragmented aura, like rings from mugs on the feasting table, grimed my spiritual fingertips.

I turned to go and, as I did, felt something brush my shoulder. Not a draft, because the torches told me which way the air was flowing, not a miner, and certainly not the Kydonian tiger. A strange crack in the stone that Malia and I had somehow missed suddenly seemed clear as daylight, a dark fissure that contoured itself to the curve of the rock wall. I would’ve called it camouflaged if it weren’t for the utter disarray in the tunnel’s structure caused by the collapse.

My breath caught as I reached for the cleft. Cold pricked my fingers, lancing my palm as my hand moved through viscous air. The world around me warped as something sucked me through the chink.


Okay...that's definitely not good, oh dear. I suppose that first time that they searched they were too focused on the idea that they would not find anything to actually notice something this small, either that or whatever this thing is, it appeared in the in between time, which is honestly going to make this even more suspicious.

Blurring darkness swirled and then spat me out. I stumbled to my knees in a cavern awash with iridescent sparkles. In the middle of the chamber, a shallow pool reflected the moon, despite no shafts anywhere in the ceiling to let the night sky through. But this room didn’t seem to care much for the laws of reality.

Across the room, casting no reflection in the pool, stood a pair of columns. Flanked by those columns was an inset door, carved with such monstrous creatures as walked the earth with the elder gods, but of a wholly alien array. The lower half held aquatic beasts, while the upper displayed creatures of land and sky.

Derketo, far more feral and raw than those we’d clashed with in Aenea swam amongst long-necked sea monsters, dwarfed by bulbous creatures with wide flippers and clouded eyes. Below them all, churning the depths, rested a massive dragon with a serpentine tail and a beautiful woman’s face carved in place of a draconic head. Although the depiction didn’t convey how terrible she was in the flesh, this could only be Tamiyat.


Oooh this is a really exciting description here. The fact that this doesn't adhere to reality is certainly not hard to imagine here. And more than being terrified here of just what could happen to Charax I find myself really intrigued to see exactly where this story is trying to go right here.

Above, a host of scorpion half-men, human upper bodies sprouting from massive scorpion bodies in place of arachnoid heads, guarded the coast under the watchful gaze of six eldritch beasts. A six-headed ram, a wooly man with bull legs and horns, a two-legged snake with eagle wings and head, a desiccated corpse with canines protruding past its lower jaw, an elephant-sized hound, and a dragon with star-studded clouds for wings—all arrayed in a semi-circle around what would have been the focal point of the relief. Instead, the image had been defaced, deep gouges criss-crossing the absence. While I could understand the hatred for even the symbol of the Sea Mother’s mate, I couldn’t shake the irritation at losing the chance to get a glimpse of his form.

That annoyance lessened slightly when I got closer to the door and realized that something outside hadn’t clawed it out, something from within had destroyed it. The grooves had been formed by some force bursting through, although not a pebble remained on the floor in evidence of this passage.

But the imagery made the door’s purpose clear: this could only be the passageway to the cell that held Tamiyat’s companion.


Well the imagery is certainly only getting better there. Wow, clearly some really dangerous beings are out and about there. I really hope this isn't going to end up being some sort of foreshadowing to come here because that could end up being a very dangerous battle given just how many powerful looking beings are there. I suppose however this being the door to that cell is a much more dangerous revelation so let's see where this is going, I'm going to assume the fact that there's a crack now is a very bad thing.

He hadn’t escaped, however. The door was too intact—and we were too alive—for that to have happened. Jade had broken free from this hold herself, but she’d never mentioned ruining the portal. Not only that, but the damage was near the lintel, not on the lower portion. While space didn’t always function according to reason between dimensions, it still felt odd that the defacement would have occurred so high up.

Chills tickled my spine. I was being watched.

In the soft blue light, diffused from the not-moon of the pool, I hadn’t paid close attention to the composition of the walls. At a passing glance, they’d looked like stone, and I’d taken them as such. Probably foolish, in hindsight, given the abnormal nature of my entrance.

Bristling on the walls, like a pinecone turned inside out, hung dozens upon dozens of the scorpion creatures from the relief. With their tails embedded in the stone, they lay like scales upon each other, faces blank in their suspended sleep. Dark, bushy hair curled from their scalps around their throats, forming manes with the follicles that were thicker than reeds. The plating that protected their arachnid abdomens extended up their human torsos as well, terminating at their collarbones. They all lay belly-up, their backs resting on the underbellies of the ones below them, and many slept with their mouths stretched open by the position.


Ooooh well so much to unpack in that one sentence. For starters Jade having been the one to break things, I mean the way Charax spoke suggest maybe it wasn't Jade or like it couldn't have been, so the answers there can only be more terrifying and of course there's a whole army of things down here to I assume protect this prisoner but also it seems like they might be minions for the prisoner so that's an interesting detail.

They didn’t need to be unnaturally still for it to be an unsettling sight, and yet they were. I knew they weren’t dead because I could sense the life force within the hive, now that I saw them. But the strength of their spirit was faint, in a scattered manner that brought Hasda’s description to mind.

That just invited a host of uncomfortable questions. Why had he noticed them before, but not now? I couldn’t feel any ebb or flow from the hibernating scorpions, and nothing in the dilation of my strange travel here had indicated any cloaking of this chamber or its contents. If they were the servants of Tamiyat’s mate, as the embossment showed, then why had the Paedens spared them? And if they’d been bound, instead of shown mercy, why outside the dungeon, and not within? And why hadn’t Jade mentioned them? Unless a few survivors had been cast in with her, and escaped the prison behind her. But had a scant number multiplied so quickly? Or had the Paedens ensnared a host?

The pool rippled, disturbing my thoughts and the false moon on its surface. An answering shiver descended through the creatures, a dust cloud darkening the air as the scorpions shifted. Light from the pool caught on the particles, creating constellations I hadn’t seen in millenia, and younger ones at that. They’d taken the night sky and wound time back on itself, a microcosm of stellar history.


Oh dear...that does not sound good. This entire paragraph seems to be going down a path of speculation that just hints at nothing that could possibly end in too much good for Charax or our friends out here.

I was so entranced that, at first, I didn’t notice the clicking. In echo of the shudder, it crept down the swarm until every encased abdomen trembled with the chittering. Like the drone of locusts, only shrouding an articulation that felt like a trick of the ears. Amongst the whine, I heard their name, “lakrabua,” but I also picked up a sharper chirping that might have been “ketri.” A third name teased my ears, buried under the chatter, a title inarticulable yet primordial, a sound that made my spine itch to run and abandon this place forever.

But then the sound ended, and the eerie calm returned.

I flexed my hands, trying to work the tension out of my palms. My neck was stiff, both from staring up so high and from straining against the panic. Whatever these things were, every instinct screamed that I didn’t want to be here when they awoke. But I wouldn’t have that problem if they never woke up again.


Okay well this is not going to end terribly well if ever Charax is quite this creeped out. You really can't blame him given how the setup for this just screams for these scorpions to all come to life and there to be some horde of things attacking Charax led by something deep in the darkness.

Stifling a manic laugh, I summoned my Scythe, careful not to expend too much energy. No reason to disturb them and rob them of a peaceful death. I didn’t know if the terror they’d induced had enough bite to back it up, but why take unnecessary risks?

By contrast, trying to harvest an entire flock of slumbering ketri by myself was calculated. There was a good chance the rest of the ketri would stir before I’d collected even half of them, but then again they’d languished for at least centuries. They must have suffered some atrophy during their suspension, and they weren’t divine beasts, because their spark held no higher elements. Their elongated suspension was likely a byproduct of the chamber’s influence, given the contents of its cell.

Because of the dust, my footsteps made little sound as I made my way to the nearest lakrabua. The air felt thick as I drew my Scythe back, and it wasn’t until something tugged at the shaft that I realized the density might not have been from my tension. A quick glance told me I wasn’t near the crack, and yet I was being sucked back towards it nevertheless.


Oh I did not expect Charax to immediately just go for this. It's not surprising and it seems like actually a really smart idea to eliminate this entire host of future problems while they're just sleeping like sitting ducks but something makes me think it can't possibly be as easy as it looks.

I pushed against the Scythe, trying to glean what ketri I could before I was pulled away, but the unknown force dragged me away faster. I’d barely gotten the Scythe out from behind my leg when I became submerged in the swirling sensation I’d experienced on the way in. This time, however, instead of spitting me back into the mineshaft, it deposited me in an eddy, where I hung suspended in the darkness.

No matter how I pushed against the current, I made no headway. The darkness fought back, shoving me back into the lull whenever I pressed too hard against its constraints. My first doubts about my ability to escape this trap were dispelled by the arrival of a murky, amber glow in the distance that appeared in the direction of the tunnel. But that doubt returned as the light grew brighter, and with it the sense of something ancient, and extremely unpalatable, hidden behind it.

Whatever was making that light, I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet it. But, trapped in the darkness as I was, I didn’t have much choice. Swapping my Scythe for my Sword, I braced myself for combat and waited for the newcomer to make themselves known.


Oh no...see Charax this is why we always make sure to double check when something looks to be just a little bit too easy. I am actually a little worried now, given the sheer power of the sort of things that must be down in that tunnel. Well, let's see where this ends up taking us.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think you have a pretty strong piece right here. You've done a really good job of selling the atmosphere in this room and what its like and the build up there to the end even though it seems inevitable is done really well and has you hoping things will be alright the whole way through. Well, let's see what happens next, shall we?

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Tue Jul 12, 2022 12:21 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

Well this chapter was an adventure! I love the addition of the portal and Charax popping out of it at two different locations made it feel a bit like a level in a platformer, and I mean that in the best way. It's both a pity and a relief that we didn't witness the lakrabua in action in this chapter; they sound awfully frightful, but it was almost more entertaining and eerie to have them be slumbering. I feel like it was a needed contrast to the fighting that I've come to expect. In a way, this chapter was more reminiscent of the ones where Charax took Phemonoe to the underworld; while not your typical action, the suspense and mystery of it create the same level of engagement as fast-paced fight scenes and banter.

I loved the environment you created in this chapter. The quality of the descriptions was through the roof. The door you described was a great example of it; the beasts depicted sounded fearsome and were quite creative! I'm curious if by the end of this story, Charax will have had dealings with more of the creatures depicted, especially since he's most likely going to be facing off more and more ancient creatures while dealing with both Tamiyat and her mate. The detail about how the visual regarding Tamiyat's mate was scratched out added a nice touch of ominous-ness and suspense. And, overall, the chamber was the perfect ancient and spooky setting, made even more so by Charax being alone, and the way you described the columns and the pool created the perfect environment for the events of this chapter.

I also noticed that the title of this work, at least on my device, is "Language The Many Gifts of Malia" and then the rest of it. I wondered if the "Language" before it was just a glitch on my end or if it's 1: actually part of the title, or 2: a mistake on your part. Just thought I'd bring it up regardless! And it looks the same way for the next part, published too. Once again, not sure if that's a glitch on only my end, or if it's on yours too.

Overall: great job! The imagery was stupendous, and that ending has me anticipating what exactly is making the light! Hopefully something more along the lines of a mysterious-but-helpful being as opposed to an insanely violent one, but I'm leaning more towards the latter. I look forward to finding out what it is! Until next time!






Thanks! I had a lot of fun researching stuff for the creatures. Next chapter should be interesting as well :)

>.> The title was a copy paste glitch. Thanks. It's fixed now lol.




Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.
— Viktor E. Frankl