Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Although we moved at pace, we’d only covered a third the remaining distance by midafternoon. Hasda set the pace, Gunarra always not quite at his side. Her jackals chattered back at us, but every time the Sukalla shook her head. Nothing to report.
And so we moved on.
The speed was nice, for Hasda’s sake, but it felt like slow going, which was good for me. I hadn’t so much as smelled an oglelov nearby, but Gunarra reported that there’d been at least two among the trees we’d passed, separated from the Weeping Queen’s alleged train. Their unseen presence felt out of place. They belonged in the swamps and, unless they were hunting corpses, they’d be forced to take a more vegetarian bent.
What bothered me more than the oglelovs, though not quite as much as Gunarra’s allegiance, was the thought that the Duraein held significance I’d missed. Oh, the lion-faced jackal had lauded its praises, true, but there was a more immediate meaning to its presence. The skeletal soldier had come from somewhere, and its brand hinted that it marched to another’s orders.
But Gunarra certainly wasn’t beating its drum. The Stitcher’s magic was another brand entirely, not to mention he’d been far preceded by whatever had animated its bones. And it had tried to communicate with Hasda before being cut down, without so much as twitching when he did. It must have recognized its imminent demise. Why, then, did it let the killing blow fall?
There was something I was missing. It wasn’t in the rune, though, because I’d seen nothing like it before. And it wasn’t in the bones because, as strange as their coloration was, they’d gone to dust the moment their enchantment ended. The armor?
I sucked a breath and passed it slowly through my nose. Ears twitching, Gunarra looked back at me, but I shook my head.
It was the armor, and the sword. They’d been of the same fashion as those in the strange in-between I’d met the Serynis. So either those witches had been looking for, and found, these mythical soldiers, or they had stumbled through the Duraein domain and let one slip free. Maybe there were more, roaming these woods. Maybe not.
I watched the jackal’s three tails swish as she trotted behind Hasda. How much did she truly know about these warriors? And how much was legend, her own or otherwise? But worse than that, how did the Serynis discover something that someone closer to the source, for far longer, had failed to find? And how had I bumbled behind them?
If they truly didn’t know what they were doing, odds were they’d opened without knowing how to close, and I had come behind before they’d realized they needed to seal the breach. I frowned. But they’d certainly known enough to be worried about my presence.
The Weeping Queen’s daughter had been there, as well, taunting the sisters. For a place so difficult to find, it was starting to sound crowded. But maybe that was why the formless daughter had been there, to contest the pillaging of her land’s mythical army. And though the Serynis had fought with the Sea Mother’s strength, albeit inconsistently, their allegiance was still an unsure thing.
When I’d found them in that strange in-between place, they’d had none of Tamiyat’s stink. And they certainly hadn’t been acting at the Weeping Queen’s behest. That they’d submitted to the Stitcher seemed the most obvious scenario, and what fledgling god wouldn’t want a troop of legendary soldiers who’d shed their mortality? But there’d been a desperation to the Serynis’ words that insinuated an uneasy alliance with the necromancer.
Perhaps the Duraein were their way out, a force with which they could lay their own foundation. Or they’d used the Duraeins to ingratiate themselves with the Sea Mother, to gain a more powerful ally. Or the elder goddess had folded both the witches and the necromancer beneath her wings, and we just hadn’t yet seen the signs of the Stitcher’s submission.
So many unknowns, and no way to close the breaches.
“The stench of hard thinking lays heavy upon the air,” Gunarra said, half eyeing me.
I grunted. “I’ve been around a long time. Maybe not quite so long as you, but still, this is the first I’ve heard of these ‘Duraeins.’ And I’ve heard a lot of legends.”
Snorting, she looked ahead again. “A fable of old that the horned boor plowed under the sands of time. Would you let legend of an immortal soldiery to rival the tuzshu you’d just razed run rampant among your people?”
An unseen root tripped me up as I processed what she said. I frowned at the protrusion, which somehow disappeared in the interim. “The Duraein were god killers?”
“In some legends.” Her tails swished. “In others, their lauded glory came from their devotion to their deity, who granted them immortality.”
“Not very immortal if they fall to pieces the moment their binding rune is broken.”
Her ears flattened. “It wasn’t slain, merely dissolved. Its ashes returned from whence they came while I mourned the loss.”
The thought of a silent skeletal warrior stealing behind us brought a frown to my face. “Any other particularly insightful stories about them?”
She flicked her tails, claws digging a little too deeply into the earth. “They had already been shrouded in uncertainty before the bastard bull stomped out what remnants remained. And none so useful as to locate their burial grounds, or the means to resurrect them.”
“I thought you said they were immortal.” I grinned at her backwards frown. “Or is that part of the not dying we just witnessed?”
“As I bear witness to the progenitor of this tuzshu’s flippancy.” Tossing her head, she trotted a little closer to Hasda. “You ask as many questions as I myself once did, chasing the vapors of their rumors on the wind with my mistress. Would speculation satisfy your curiosity? Mine was not.”
“I guess not.” Something in the way she carried herself, maybe the swagger in her shoulders, spoke of secrets she congratulated herself in shielding from me, but then again, she infused enough of the truth to mask the scent of the lie. It didn’t take many generations for a forefather’s half-remembered ramblings to be forgotten, especially if the heavens were determined to see them expunged.
But she knew some kernel of truth that had given her enough faith to seriously hunt the Duraein, however long ago that had been.
Excited yipping ahead brought us to a standstill. Gunarra tilted her head, listening, then sent back a series of eager yelps. The ranging pair of jackals were close together, but far enough apart that their barks belied the distance between them. Digging her claws into the dirt, the Sukalla whined and then yapped a few short commands.
Hasda’s head followed her as she darted ahead of him. “Another one so soon?”
She spun, her eyes boring into him. “How did you understand that?”
He shrugged. “Lucky guess.”
Frowning, she thumped the ground with her tails. “Luck was a bitch every time I met her. Is she your mistress?”
“Of course not.” He shook his head. “But, of the things you’ve shown an interest in, the Duraeins are the only possible reason for you to be this excited. If it were your mistress, I doubt you’d still be here.”
Her eyes thinned. “Yes. As duplicitous as your sulking deity deems me, only my mistress would motivate such a breach of faith. But I have promised to lead you to the Hall of Balphar, and lead I shall.”
I stepped up behind Hasda. “So another delay. How long before your jackals return? Or can you send for more?”
A low growl rumbled in her throat. “Such diversion will not be necessary. We are close. With good speed, we shall see the walls of the Hall by day’s end.”
“Haste straight into an ambush would lead to a failure I’m wont to witness.” I frowned at her. “Your face still looks like you bathed your snout in a nest of hornets.”
She bared her fangs. “My nose can smell well enough now to reach our destination at a pace that does not drag maddeningly.”
Folding my arms, I stared her down. “The line between ‘safe’ and ‘safe enough’ has formed the hangman’s noose enough to keep generations of boneyardsmen busy. I’ll not be having his neck numbered among them.”
“I will lead,” she snapped. “My body his shield, my life his surety. Though it strains the fibers of my being to see this pledge fulfilled, still will I see it done.”
I held her glare. “Hasda?”
He sighed, sagging a little. I hated how weighed down he looked like that. “With how little you get from this commitment and how distracted you are, it seems unwise to follow you. But I would likewise be remiss if I forced you to hold to such a lopsided agreement. If you wish to chase these Duraeins, then go. We are near enough to the Stitcher that I can find my own way.”
The jackal clacked her teeth and surged to her feet, stalking past him. “My word is not so cheap that I would break it now. Follow. Before nightfall, I will show you the walls.”
Shrugging, Hasda plodded after her. The weight that had settled kept his shoulders bowed. I scowled and hurried after them. When the Trial ended, I would do what I could to pull that burden off him, or lessen it if I could not. But I wouldn’t let Gunarra lead alone. Something had my hackles up, and until I found out what I’d have to keep an eye on her.
Hasda had come too far to fail now.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
Back again! Apologies for the pause in reading, but I should be all caught up! Which isn't to say I remember everything, so excuse me if I ask questions that have already been answered.
I'm really intrigued by the Duraein (definitely going to need a pronunciation guide). I'm already a big bone fanatic irl (as well as a bit of an archaeology nerd), so I appreciate the fact that there's now an entity in this story very similar to those two things. While slightly put out by the fact that Hasda destroyed it before properly investigating (Gunarra and I are in similar camps), I'm hoping there will be more coming. Since they also seem to be close to death in some ways, I wonder if they'll factor into the conflict with the Stitcher, hopefully on Hasda's side.
Speaking of the Stitcher, it seems like we're fast approaching the face-off that's been teased for quite a bit now; it feels like every time we get close, there's something else that goes down. I will say that in these past few parts, it feels like we've been getting a lot of information that's mostly in the form of Gunarra yapping to Charax, and I wonder if there's perhaps a better way to present it. It seems like most of it is relevant, but there's a part of me that wishes Charax were a little slower on the uptake so that I as a reader would have an easier time wading through all the unique names and terms.
Specifics
A bit nitpicky, but the combo of "always" and "not quite" threw me a bit; I feel like it could be phrased slightly better.
I enjoyed this cheeky little reminder of the world we're immersed in full of gods. It served as a nice little moment of levity in the chapter, which I liked a lot!
It seems to me that they're in a relatively similar position to when Charax was lecturing Hasda that it was okay to forfeit if he felt like it was too much. This feels like a bit too sharp of a turn in Charax's thinking here, unless he was bluffing to Hasda, in which case I think that should be made more evident.
Overall: nice work! I'm glad to be reading this again and hope to continue to review the parts you've published so far! Until next time!
Hi there, dragonfphoenix! Long time no see! Niteowl here to review, since this has the dubious honor of currently being the oldest work in the Green Room. I suppose that's not too shocking, given how many chapters this story has. I haven't read the rest of this, besides a quick scan of the first chapter. Still, I hope I can provide something of use here.
Nitpicks in bold. The bit in italics...it's a little awkward to read, but I can't pinpoint why or offer an alternative suggestion. Maybe "Hasda set the pace, Gunarra just behind him"? But that also feels a little flat.
My main point of confusion here is "Her jackals" and "the Sukalla". Originally, I thought Gunarra was human and "Sukhalla" was just another title for her, but now I'm pretty sure she is also a jackal (or a deity in jackal form?), but the Sukhalla is a different jackal. I think this could be reworded in a way to reduce pronoun confusion. "I couldn't understand the constant chatter of Gunarra's jackals, but when I asked the Sukalla if there was anything to report, she shook her head."
I admit that some of my confusion might be because I'm jumping in the middle here, but pronoun/epithet confusion can easily crop up even when you're very familiar with the characters. [seriously I write so many paragraphs where I read it back and I'm even confused about which 'he' I was referring to. Ah, the joys of what Tumblr dubbed "the gay fanfiction problem."]
This feels weird to me. In the first two paragraphs, the narrator seems to be trusting Gunarra's reporting, and now, all of a sudden, they don't trust her. I haven't actually read the rest of the chapter yet, but it doesn't seem that the narrator's trust issues with Gunarra are playing a major role currently. There's two options here.
1-drop the matter of how much the narrator trusts Gunarra entirely and focus on the flesh eating monsters and the mystery of the Duraein. "What bothered me more than the ogleovs at the moment was my concern that the Duraein..."
2-make it more clear in the opening that the narrator has doubts about Gunarra's loyalty. I'm assuming this has already been discussed somewhere in the first 136 parts of the story, but I would still expect a stray thought like "nothing to report. Or so she said" to indicate the narrator's continuing distrust, even if it's not the main issue right now.
I'm a little confused by this sentence. Reading onwards, it seems like the narrator knows that the Stitcher was the necromancer ordering these things around, so the confusion here doesn't make sense. But if he now thinks the Stitcher is just a stooge working for something far older/more dangerous, it does. If I'm reading this correctly, I'd reword as "The skeletal soldier might be under the Stitcher's direct control, but its brand hinted that they were both marching to another's orders."
More great dialogue! And a very true statement about how being lax on safety precautions is not "safe enough" at all.
Overall, it seems like this analysis of the Duraein and their significance will help them get closer to solving their mystery and supporting Hasda in his mission. There were some confusing passages, but for the most part, I found myself understanding the glimpses of past storylines and worldbuilding. There was some solid dialogue as well! I might come back to the rest of your Green Room chapters tomorrow, but for now, I'm going to crash. Keep writing!