This is Just to say
I've lost that something
in the rain
and pouring hail
Somebody please help
me find my
secret something
lost somewhere
Sincerely Someone
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140,909 Literary Works • 673,728 Reviews
Hi there dogs. I'm Lavvi and I'm here to review your poem today for you.
I think there are two major things missing in here: proper punctuation and emotion. You need to insert commas and some periods into the poem to aid with fluidity and it'll read way better than it does now. As for the emotion, it just seems like you wrote this in the text-box and posted without really putting any thought into it. It's not very deep: it comes off as a very one-layered poem.
Also, the "sincerely someone" part at the end is bizarre. Not needed at all, really.
Yours,
Lavvi
Good job, Dogs! This is a great poem!
Keep it up!
I'm excited to read more from you.
It would be nice, as stated above I'm sure, if there was punctuation.
Overall, nice job!
This is
Jjust to say add commaI've lost that something in the
rain and pouring hail period
Somebody please help me find I reworked the line structure a bit
my secret something add comma
lost somewhere add a comma
Sincerely add comma
Someone
This need to go more in-depth. It's a bit haunting because of it's vagueness but it would be better if it were more clear.
Good luck and keep writing! :{0 (sorry, I just think that smiley face is the best. Francais huuhuuh oui oui
-KatTrain
As you have an Alice in Wonderland thing in your profile, I'll put it like this. If you call a poem 'Jabberwocky', you back up your literary allusions and add your own perspective that makes it relevant to your own context, something to tie the original poem to who you are, while respectfully acknowledging your inspiration, maybe using techniques or expanding on imagery from the original work. If you call a poem 'Jabberwocky' people are going to think of, and compare your work to, the poem of the same name, there is no escaping it.
If you give your poem the title 'This Is Just To Say', you are likewise referencing one of the most famous and influential poems ever written. At least google William Carlos Williams, won't you please?
I love this.
It can be taken so many ways...
I think it'd be awesome if you added punctuation, though.
Thanks for the read.