@
This strange, odd, curious symbol.
It’s a small whirlpool
Whirling off into infinite
A bottomless pit,
Falling down in to nothing.
Or a large coliseum,
A lion’s mouth always hungry for more.
The eye of an irresistible puppy,
And the tail of a rat.
Deceiving and unpredictable.
She lay in wait,
Waiting for the kill.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,679 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
AHHH I feel so mean (tears) but its a tad short and like others said and mentioned other small little deatails!
I'm sorry *tear* but good start! Just work on it a bit!
Lovells and mashmallows,
Aimee`
It was creative but it was very short and I'm sorry but it seemed to have no point in the end. How you said it was like a puppy was nice and all but I think you could have put a little more effort into it.
What I liked in the poem was the idea. I liked how you just picked up the small symbol
and made a poem out of it.
A good effort, but like others noted, it had some flaws.
Good!
Alright, got it, the @ symbol looks like all of these things. But what's the greater significance? I could find clouds all day that look like any one of these things. What makes the @ symbol unique? What should we care that it looks like any of these things? You've left this question maddeningly unanswered. Please answer it.
Also...
Spoiler
This redundant, recursive, repetitive line.
Good to know the whirlpool is both "infinite", "bottomless", and is filled with "nothing". Perhaps it's also "without end"?
Curious build-up of images here. Is the puppy "irresistible" to the lion? Is the lion in the colosseum? And then the tail of the rat just comes off as making no sense whatsoever.
Which of the three animals listed above lies in wait? I feel as though you're just stacking images together, regardless of the sense they make.
Oh and I forgot to mention. Change the title.
Right I like the idea of basing your poem on the symbol but a lot of this didn't really seem to flow for me. Most of it didn't really make sense and i think you could have added more detail as to why they looked like the symbol.
Have a look at it, tidy some stuff up and edit dude.
PM me if you have any questions.